Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: Merry Christmas, you guys, to everybody who celebrates. This episode is dropping on Christmas day. I'm recording ahead of time, so don't worry. I am off enjoying it with my friends and my family. But for all of you, no matter what holiday you celebrate or even if you don't, I hope you are having a great one.

Erica: But I have a question for you. In all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, have you made time for yourself? Have you made time for self care? Okay, all of you out there who are just rolling your eyes at me and saying, Erica, who's got time for that right now?

Erica: I'm barely finding time to eat. I need you to listen up. This topic is so near and dear to my heart because self care was something that I used to always put at the bottom of my to do list every single day, and guess what? It never got crossed off. And actually, my self care list was more like this dreaded to do list, and this list had all the things like get eight hours of sleep a night, make sure that I work out every day, make sure I eat my greens, and meditate.

Erica: But here's today's twist. I am not talking about face masks and bath bombs. No, no, no, no, no, no. We are going to explore why self care is not selfish and how it all starts with the powerful concept of self compassion. So buckle up. Now you've probably heard the saying self care is not selfish. That's nothing new here. But let's be real, it is much easier said than done, especially at this time of year when it feels like there is so much to do. Y'all have been wrapping presents, y'all have been buying presents, y'all have been going to parties, sending out cards, and, oh yeah, if you have little ones, y'all have been having to remember to move that darn elf every single night.

Erica: In a world that constantly demands our attention and our energy, taking time for ourselves can make you feel, gosh, dare I say guilty? But what if I told you that it's not like this guilty pleasure that we feel bad for taking time for ourselves? But what if I told you it was a necessity that was backed by my favorite thing, science? Recent studies like the one conducted by Dr. Kristin Neff have shown a strong link between self compassion and overall well-being.

Erica: Turns out, treating yourself with kindness and understanding has a profound impact on your mental health. It's not just about indulgence. It is not about sneaking away for alone time. It is not about the bubble baths and the face masks. It is a fundamental aspect to leading a fulfilling life.

Erica: So, now that we have officially debunked that myth, the myth of selfishness, I want to talk about the cornerstone of self care and self compassion. So picture this, might have actually happened. Y'all forgot to move the elf. You didn't get your kid the Xbox you wanted for the holidays. You burned the ham or whatever the heck you cook.

Erica: Do you beat yourself up over that? Do those inner voices in your head really just bum you out and say, why did you do that, that wasn't what you were supposed to do, oh my gosh, you messed up again, you are such a bad mom. Do you feel bad? Or do you talk to yourself like maybe your best friend would? Now seriously, I know you've heard this before and it's not new, but I read a Facebook post the other day, and one woman told a story of talking trash about herself in front of her bestie, and her bestie did a hard stop and said, hey, don't talk about my friend like that, I love her.

Erica: And that best friend really put it into perspective for her. She would never say anything about her best friend, and her best friend wasn't allowing her to say it about herself. Now that is powerful, and that is the essence of self compassion. And you know what? People who have higher levels of self compassion are more resilient.

Erica: Yes, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals with higher levels of self compassion are more resilient in the face of challenges. Y'all, we are all trying to climb the ladder and smash the ceiling here, so we need to be resilient. So I'm gonna say that again. Individuals with higher levels of self compassion are more resilient in the face of challenges.

Erica: It isn't about being soft on yourself or giving yourself this free pass, which we shouldn't be doing anyways. It is about recognizing that you are human. Hello? Humans make mistakes. We all do.

Erica: We have to embrace that imperfection. So how can we cultivate self compassion in our daily lives? That's the question, right? And it was a question that I was asking myself all throughout this journey of healing, because I found it really hard to do. It was really hard to quiet those voices, and I was just holding myself to these unrealistic expectations that nobody else was.

Erica: Here's the truth. We are our own worst critic, and quieting those voices inside, the ones that say you're not good enough, you're not a good mom, you messed up again, quieting those voices can take a lot of work. So the first thing I want you to do when we're talking about cultivating self compassion is starting with acknowledgement. Acknowledge your struggles without judgment. That does require you to be curious.

Erica: It requires you to really pull yourself out of the situation. But next time you make a mistake, maybe you yell at your partner, your kids, maybe you do burn the Christmas dinner, instead of throwing in the kitchen towel, literally, I want you to take a deep breath, take a moment and pause. And you know what? Say, it's okay. It's okay to not be perfect.

Erica: It's okay. Alright, so now I want to bridge the gap between self compassion and self care. The two are interconnected, and understanding this link, it can really change the way that we approach our well-being. It's what helped me kind of bust through this barrier too. So these studies, again, Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Tasha Eurich, reveal that individuals who practice self compassion are more likely to engage in healthier self care practices.

Erica: So yep, it's the positive feedback loop. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? We don't know. But the more you care for yourself, the more compassionate you become. The more compassionate you are, the more you care for yourself.

Erica: It is a win win, y'all. So your game changer heading into this new year, it will be to create a personalized self care routine that is grounded and rooted in self compassion. Whether you do that by taking a mindful walk, journaling, or simply placing a hand over your heart and repeating an affirmation that works for you. Maybe it's taking a few deep breaths. Make it this non negotiable part of your day.

Erica: I prefer to do this straight away in the morning before it starts hitting the fan, because with two little kids, let's be real, sometimes that starts hitting the fan at like 06:00 in the morning. I'm telling you, I was constantly running from obligation to obligation to obligation in my life, always feeling like I was coming up short somehow. But when I started to integrate my own self care routine and practice self compassion, my whole life changed. Now I promise you, I beg you to recognize that self care is not selfish. I know you've heard that saying before, but I want you to really internalize that, because really it is transformative.

Erica: Now remember, you are worthy of the love and of the care that you give others. Embrace the journey towards self compassion and watch how it becomes a key to creating a more fulfilling, purpose driven life. Now I'm so glad that you joined today, and I really feel like this message is so important, which is why I'm even like, you know what, it's Christmas day, we're throwing it out on Christmas day.

Erica: But if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to share the self love and rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast, as it truly helps it land in the hands of the person that needs to hear it the most. Until next time, take care of yourself, because girl, you deserve it.