Five questions to ask yourself, if you are feeling stuck in your career, in your relationship, and in your life!
The hardest part about being stuck, is we sometimes don't even realize we are deep in the STICK. Even if you recognize that some behaviors or thoughts are not productive or positive, you continue on. Sometimes it can be hard to realize we are even engaging in these toxic behaviors and thoughts that are keeping us stuck in our own sticky floors. In fact, we may not even recognize the behavior or thought patterns until someone we love points them out to us, or they become super problematic.
The question seems obvious, but it's not always.
One example I can give you that I have personally worked through is using wine to numb the noise and stress after a hard day. A few glasses after a hard day didn’t SEEM like a bad thing, until it was a few glasses every night. Until it was drinking more than I was comfortable drinking. Until it was me, tired and sluggish, dragging out of my bed every morning at the crack of dawn, using fitness as a PUNISHMENT, and not for pleasure - to prove to myself that the wine wasn’t holding me back.
So how do you come to the realization before you get to that point? Well, let me ask you a few questions!
Do you focus more on what you DON'T want, over what you DO want?
Do you focus more on what annoys you, and irks you - over what brings you happiness and joy? Do you sit there at your desk in the morning and say to your self ‘Ugh- I don’t want to go to this meeting. I don’t want to talk to this person. I don’t want to start on this project.” If you find yourself going down that rabbit hole, and you aren’t thinking about the pieces of your job that you love- WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? You aren’t going to enjoy every aspect of your job - and if you do - well dang, good for you! But I have found that there will always be a piece of the work that can be frustrating. If you are focusing only on that - and not on the things you LOVE - I’m telling you - you are STUCK.
Do you spend more time worrying about what others think of you, than doing what makes YOU happy?
I spent MONTHS sitting on the idea of launching my podcast, From Now to Next- knowing I would love networking with other women, and how much JOY talking with other women about their sticky floors would bring me… yet I didn’t do ANYTHING about it. I sat on the idea because I was so worried that others would judge me, thinking I’m crazy for starting a podcast. I was concerned that they would think "She doesn't know what the hell she is doing starting a podcast !" (Newsflash- they are right, but I’m figuring it out as I go!) And I fretted they would make assumptions about how I spend my time. (Maybe they do - maybe they don’t! But a wise person once said - “What others think of me, is not my business.”
Do you spend more time trying to be liked, than trying to be happy?
Women are people pleasers. We have been taught from a young age to comfort others at the expense of ourselves, to put others first, and to “make it nice.” But that can keep your ass STUCK! You will not be everyone's cup of tea. You are not meant to be in everyone's tribe. But follow your gut, follow your passion - do what makes you happy - and the TRIBE you are supposed to be with will find you and celebrate you - and support you.
Do you find yourself always chasing the next thing, without asking yourself why?
I found myself in this predicament when I was trying to exit the fitness industry but didn’t know where I wanted to go. I was taking Project Management Courses, getting different Certifications, reading books, and watching webinars. It was ping pong brain to the MAX. I wasn’t centered or focused. And I’m not saying doing all those things is a BAD thing - but I could have saved lots of time and energy, if I had sat down, and worked through what my core values are - what my WHY IS - and how I could harness those, to serve others. This is a sticky floor with a lot of STICK - because you can be all over the place. I remember thinking the next thing would take me to success - that THIS webinar, THIS course, THIS training would BE IT! It wasn’t until I sat down and did the work, talked with my tribe, and my mentor, and worked through my blind spots. When I really focused on MY WHY - which, if you don’t know by now, my WHY is helping people - I found a path that worked for me! It moved me forward in a productive way, and it provided me purpose while fulfilling y passion.
Are you celebrating your wins?
If you aren’t celebrating your wins, you may be STUCK!!! Take a moment and look at how far you have come. You are not the person you were 6 months ago - heck, maybe not even a week ago! As women, we so often downplay our successes and accomplishments and don’t see them as something HUGE. I’ll revert back to fitness because that is SUCH a great example - but I think about when I first started lifting weights. I was curling with 5# weights. FIVE POUNDS! Now wouldn’t even think to curl with the 5# weights - that wouldn’t do anything for me. I curl with #15’s now. And shoot- one day I’ll move up to the 20s! I should have stopped and celebrated the day I moved from the 5's to the 8's. And again when I moved from the 8's to the 12's, and the 12's to the 15's. Each progression SHOULD be a celebration. Each extra mile you walk, each extra push-up - is GROWTH. When you are stuck - you aren’t seeing how far you have come. You are only looking where you are – and chances are, you aren’t happy. You need to give yourself credit for everything you have accomplished - every project completed, every small stepping stone you have climbed up because they all ADD UP.
So, what do you think? Do any of those things sound like you? Do you find yourself saying “dang… that resonates?” Chances are you probably do - because sticky floors are all around us. No one has their shit all the way together. It is impossible! But the more self-aware we can be, the more intentional we can be - the more in-tune we are with our thoughts, the faster we can get UNSTUCK and move forward. The moment I realized that the wine I drank nightly had creeped into more of a daily thing, and it wasn’t serving me anymore - was the moment I knew I needed to change.