It isn’t about you. Really, it isn’t.
Do you identify as someone who is a people pleaser?
Do you struggle with what other people say about you?
Do you let what they say about you affect you in a negative way?
I have, and I sometimes still do - this topic is near and dear to my heart because me - you - everyone really - we all want to belong. We all want to be liked, respected, and thought highly of. So those words of others that leave you feeling less than fabulous, they can cut deep.
Today, we are going to talk about those other people. Because guess what, it isn’t about you. Really - it isn’t. But we are going to talk about how you can push past those feelings and shift your mindset so that you can be happier, accomplish more, and live a more full life.
I’m sure you have heard the quote “What other people think of you is none of your business.”
Aaaaand let’s be honest. That isn’t 100% true. It matters what your partner thinks of you. It matters what your boss thinks of you (if you want to stay employed). These are two critical relationships that you can’t ignore.
But the 99% of the other people in your life you can apply this to. What they think of you, what you do, your goals, how you live your life - the only person that matters to is YOU.
You see when I was younger, I used to let what other people said about me just rule my life and dictate how I felt about myself. I was totally wrapped up in their opinions and I let them shape how I acted, what activities I did, and how I saw myself. Let me tell you, that is no way to live.
In 9th grade, I was a cheerleader for my high school team because someone else I knew was doing it and I thought that was what I needed to do to be “cool”. I am 5 foot 9. I can’t flip my legs over my head for anything, and quite honestly, nor do I want to. Hindsight is of course 20/20, and looking back, I just wanted to belong. But it wasn’t my thing. It wasn’t my gift. I much prefer sitting in the stands at the football game than cheering from the sidelines. Because I wasn’t passionate about this high school activity, I never really improved. I was anxious, I doubted my abilities and felt stupid really. I wondered what people said about me behind my back, and why I was even doing it at all.
When I started college, I did all the things you had to do to get into a sorority because it was the “thing to do.” I asked for letters of recommendation, signed up for RUSH, and paid the money to rush. But the day of, I couldn’t go through with it. I was literally walking on campus and had a huge “WTF moment” turned around, and went home.
In that moment, something shifted.
I realized that what others said about me either being in a certain group or not, or what they thought about me, wasn’t my business. I didn’t want to do it! It just wasn’t me!
They could talk all the smack they wanted to. It had no reflection of the person I was or the person I was becoming. In fact, it said a lot more about THEM, than it did about me.
And I want to repeat that because it is important. What other people say about you says more about them than it does about you.
You see when someone says something negative about you, it isn’t about you at all. It is about their own insecurities, their own fears, and their own STICKY FLOORS. When someone criticizes you, it is usually because they are feeling insecure about themselves in some way.
When I tell people I don’t drink, I get a lot of comments about that. I mean, I have heard them all - “I don’t trust people who don’t drink” to “People who don’t drink aren’t fun.” and my favorite being “Oh, it must be so boring!”
What that tells me is that THEY do not trust themselves. It tells me they are scared they aren’t fun if they don’t drink. It tells me a whole lot about them and it tells me absolutely nothing about me.
Here is the thing. You do not have to take on their insecurities as your own. You do not have to let their limiting beliefs become your own. You can choose to rise above it and to see their criticisms for what they really are, a reflection of their own fears and insecurities.
One thing I have learned is that when you have someone who is nitpicky (and this can be a boss, a spouse, or whoever), they criticize you, and just pick pick pick - it is usually because they have something going on within their life that they aren’t happy with. We aren’t going to go into that because guess what! Speculating what that is, isn’t your business.
What is your business is making sure you are happy. You are fulfilled. You are living your life and not letting the negativity of others impact that.
I want to give you one insight if you are living your life with intention. If you are living according to your core values and you are acting with integrity - that negativity that is being thrown your way doesn’t have to impact you.
The moment you start living YOUR truth - no one will have that power over you. Because you will realize what they are saying is a reflection of them.
So if someone is saying some negative BS or doubting you, your goals, or your abilities don’t let that dim your shine. Keep being you, keep chasing big dreams, and let that person play small. You aren’t doing that.
Remember - you are amazing and you don’t need anyone’s validation to know that. Before you go! I make sure you are following me on Instagram and Facebook! If you head over there you will find more content just like this! My IG handle is @ericaAndersonROONEY and I can’t wait to see you there.
Don't forget to check out the POD where I dive into the sticky floors that hold us back!