Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside her, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum. We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com. Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone. I'm your host, Erica Rooney, and I am excited to introduce my next guest, Loraine Martinez Bellamy. And Loraine is a lawyer turned life and business coach. She helps multi passionate women start and grow businesses along their nine to fives. Through one on one coaching, her clients build deep self trust and become powerful decision makers, leading them to new clients in their business and promotions in their nine to five. So Loraine, thank you for being here. I'm super pumped to have you.

Loraine: Thank you for having me. I sound, like, so great. Like

Erica: Oh, I'd love it.

Loraine: I love it. That I read in my bio.

Erica: I love what you do because I think so many people, especially in today's new remote world with COVID, can really identify with what you've successfully done and, like, how you're helping other people. So I think it's awesome.

Loraine: Yeah. I'm really enjoying the ride. I actually just saw Adam Grant share on Instagram this tweet about how employers should should not stray away from hiring people that have side hustles or have filled businesses alongside their nine to fives because it really drives their work, and it brings a lot of passion and energy to their lives in general. So it generally makes people happier, and it brings more joy in. So I thought that was interesting given what I do is exactly help people juggle both. And I think something important to point out in in my coaching is, like, I don't hate my job, and I work with a lot of people that actually don't hate their jobs. And, Eric, I think we share that where it's like, we love our jobs and also wanna do other things. So making that distinction, I think, is always important that you don't have to hate your nine to five in order to start anything else on the side that you wanna go along with it to add to your life.

Erica: Well and I think it's important to note that, like, I don't know that there are that many careers out there that are going to satisfy every aspect of what you love to do. But I mean, like, I am a multi passionate person. I love fitness and wellness. Right? I love helping people. I love coaching people, but, like, I love being a chief people officer, doing strategy, revenue discussions, things like that. But I can't do all that in a nine to five. Yeah. So I, for one, can appreciate it. But before we dive too deep into that, I wanna hear a little bit more about you, who you are, how did you come to realize this. Right? Because you went through the whole law school thing. So like Yeah.

Loraine: Tell me everything. Yeah. So my my my journey to law school was will be relatable to a lot of people our age. So in the elder to middle millennial age range where I kind of breezed through college, I was a business major, management, and international business. And then, it was graduation time or the lead up into it. And I was like, I'm like, not I turned down a job at Verizon corporate. I was like, I'm not ready to, like, be at a desk. But I also come from, like, a Caribbean family. I'm Puerto Rican. Like, you you just do things. I'm first gen. You just do things in the right order, and you get yourself a stable job. And being, like, the oldest daughter in my family and being pretty intelligent, I was all always, like, assume that you will do great things and you will make a lot of money. And at that point, I was like, well, the easiest way to, like, continue to live my best life is to, like, choose some sort of, like, graduate situation so my parents will be off my back, and they'll be like, oh, yeah. She's, like, going to law school, and I can keep partying and living my best life. Okay. Pause very quickly. Any of you are younger than us and deciding maybe don't choose law school if you wanna keep living your best life.

Erica: Because Now I was gonna say, I don't know that I mean, I never went through law school,

Loraine: but I don't know that

Erica: I would care like law school and partying is like

Loraine: they No. I mean, I I I still continue to party, but it was a little harder to juggle because you were surrounded by very intelligent people. There was something called the curve that was all of a sudden important, but I was like, whatever. I'll figure it out, and I did. I went to Maryland for law school. Love this school. I was actually just there recently for my belated ten year reunion. And my some of my best friends are from law school, so I can't say that the whole experience was crazy. I mean, learning the law is crazy, but I made great friendships, and I loved being in the DMV area. And then after that, I went to work for a federal agency. Hey, did it. And felt like it was, like, soul sucking. Started dating my husband who lived in Connecticut, where I'm from, and found a job at the nonprofit that I still work at. That spoke to all of my strengths as an attorney, which is a lot of, like, education, community outreach stuff, litigating, but a a more holistic approach to the legal world. So I am still at the same organization, but about five years into my legal career, I I now know that right when you're about to turn 30 is something called the Saturn return, and you're cosmic for any of you woo woo people, this is where you all of a sudden start wondering if you're on the right path, if you've made the right choices. And at the time, my life looked very idyllic from the outside. Like, I was working at a job that I loved. I was with my then boyfriend, now husband. We had just bought a a beautiful big house. We had great friend groups, lots of travel, just, like, really fun 20 life. And, yeah, I was sitting there wondering, like, is this it? Like, is anybody else feeling super antsy and, like, they should be doing something else with their life and questioning all of their decisions? And none of my friends were doing that. So or at least they were not whole about it. I was the only one that seemed unsettled, and that was unsettling. The fact that I was the only one that was like, what else is there? Like, is this it? Having checked off all all of the, like, goals that I had set for myself when I was, like, 17 or whatever.

Erica: Yeah.

Loraine: And I started looking around, and I did, like, the proverbial, like, dark night of the soul on the search for, like, what else could be out there. And then probably, like, a couple years into the general feeling of, like, I should be doing more, I was like, oh, well, like, I'm gonna try coaching. Like, I've always I wanted to be a guidance counselor in high school. And when they told me I had to do a one year unpaid internship, I was like, can't do that. Yeah. So I went in a totally different direction, but I'm the oldest of, like, three girls and a bunch of other cousins. So I've been giving advice and, like, guidance for a long time. I was like, I'm just gonna give it a try. And Erica and I, like, connected on the fact that we're both kind of nerdy. So I was like, I should probably get another I should get a certification or something. Like, I should get another degree of some sort.

Erica: And because that's always the answer. Right. That's always the

Loraine: answer. Just get just get more letters to put somewhere. And that this time though, I was like, no. Like, I'm just gonna try it out and see if I like it. I have enough student loan debt already and enough letters. And if I don't like it, then I haven't lost anything. And if I do, I'll get certified at some point and find the right program. So I just, like, jumped in. And at that point, what I felt comfortable helping people with was, like, career decisions, getting new jobs. So I always put myself out there as, like, a career and life coach. And I got like five clients. I I mean, I charge them like pennies, but very quickly people were like, I want your help. Yeah. The rest is history.

Erica: Well, I think well, I know that you said something that kind of resonated with me was that you went through and you checked all these boxes. Right? And then it was kind of like a what what now kind of thing. And I think it's very at least for me that resonated because someone who is a goal getter. Right? So from high school, we know we're going to college. We know we're going to post grad school. We got the job. We're in a good relationship. We got the townhome or the house. Check. Check. You're hitting all of these targets that you've set, and then you finally settle into life, which is the everyday mundane, this Groundhog's Day. And it's kind of like, what? Like, this is it? And there's Go ahead. More goals. And that's why we go crazy. We're like, well, I'll get another certification. You know, why not? And it's like, okay. Do you really need that? Number one. But but that really resonated with me and I totally it spoke to me because I was like, I remember finally hitting that spot and being like, okay. This is where I'm supposed to have made it. This is where I am. And it's like, okay. But what now? And it's trying to figure out, and I think that that's a big big thing for people when they haven't truly found their passion yet. Because if you found your passion, like your your sweet spot where you're really good and that you love to do it, I don't maybe you hit that, maybe you don't. I don't know.

Loraine: Yeah. I think you're having coached, like, dozens of people through the same place after going through my own thing. Like, you can come at it from two different things. One, sometimes we set, like, this set of goals, and we we never look at it again. Like, we just go, like, balls to the wall and, like, we're like, this is what we're doing. And we never stop to reassess if the things that we're working toward actually still matter to us. So sometimes that's the case. Right? Like, you've just you're so focused. Like, you have such tunnel vision that you assume when you get there, you will be happy. Mhmm. And I think every time we set a goal, we're just setting, like, a hypothesis of what will make us happy. Right? Because we're always seeking an emotion. It's the reason that we do anything. And and it's just our best guess. Right? And then while we're moving toward those big goals, we change as people. And then we arrive at this destination and we're like, this is it. Like, this is crazy. Wow. And sometimes we're still aligned and we're very happy and and and everything's good. And then coming at it from from the other side is that, damn it. I knew that was gonna happen. It's weird. Life for you. As soon as I said two different sides, I knew the second one was gonna go away. It'll come to me. This Erica, this happens to me every single Instagram live I do. Every single podcast, like, I should know better and, like, take notes.

Erica: Put your sticky notes.

Loraine: Put my sticky notes. So checking off all the goables and Your hypothesis. Yeah.

Erica: And Well, one thing

Loraine: We'll we'll come back. It'll come back. Circle back. To it.

Erica: I do love that concept of the goal is a hypothesis because I really right. Why else do we do things? We do everything that we do, we do for some level of comfort or enjoyment. Right? We don't Yep. Do it because we're like, I think this is gonna be really hard and terrible.

Loraine: No. Right. Or to avoid the discomfort. Right?

Erica: Or we do something to avoid the discomfort. Right. And so, like, those are that is the root of it. But I think that we tend to also put so much weight and expectation on those outcomes, right, on the outcomes of our goals. And then you get these letters behind your name or you buy the big house. I mean, I think we all know this. Right? We all do these things and we get there and it's not It doesn't give us this feeling

Loraine: Yeah. Of amazing joy. I just I just remembered the second part.

Erica: Number two. So the second part that

Loraine: I mean, the second factor that may be playing into the just general, like, malaise and feeling of dissatisfaction is that you've now hit all your goals, and you didn't really set new ones as you were going. And the people that I work with, and I know you will resonate with this, are just, like, growth minded people. So we always have to be growing in our intellect and just our skill, our income, and our whatever whatever it is. Right? Like, our fitness level, we just always have to be working towards something. And I remember during the years that I was, like, in, like, I think the eight months after realizing that after checking off all phone boxes, I wasn't happy. I definitely fell into, like, depression because I did not have any answers about what was next. I really thought, like, this formula that I set for myself was gonna make me feel incredibly happy. And when it didn't, I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. What do I do now? And I remember in those years, I heard Tony Robbins say, like, when you're a growth minded person, like, progress is like, that's like your there. That's your dopamine. It's like progress in some part of your life. And when you've forgotten to set new challenges and goals for yourself, you just don't see the progress because you're not working toward anything intentionally. And on top of that, if you've kind of fallen out of love or joy with the work you're doing nine to five, then then you're looking around like, where can I, like, derive some joy and see some progress? And I think that's something that that can happen. I know it happened to me, and I've coached people through it where it's just like, what now? Just like you said, like, what now? And the only issue was that I just hadn't I didn't have a vision for what my thirties were gonna look for or look like. I knew exactly what my twenties were gonna look like, and I executed it and then had not reset goals.

Erica: Hey there, listeners. If you have ever felt like you're stuck in a place, held back by self doubt, perfectionism, or that pesky inner critic, you're not alone. We all face those sticky floors that keep us from reaching the heights we dream of. But guess what? It's time to shatter those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities. My book, Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors, is your ultimate guide to smashing through barriers, overcoming limiting beliefs, and stepping into your full potential. This book has been endorsed by none other than the great Mel Robbins, best selling author and motivational powerhouse. It's also been featured in Success Magazine, so you know it's packed with insights that work. Inside, you'll find real life sticky floor stories, practical strategies to help you navigate your own sticky floor moments, and a whole lot of inspiration to keep you climbing. This isn't just a book. It's your roadmap to success, confidence, and freedom. Grab your copy of Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors today at www.ericaandersonrooney.com. Whether you're in the boardroom, the classroom, or just starting out, this book is for you because no one, and I mean no one, deserves to stay stuck, no one deserves to feel small, and you have glass ceilings to shatter. Let's do this. Yeah. I think and I speak for myself on this one, like, I am always looking for the next thing. And for me, that doesn't always mean that I'm not happy where I am. You know, you said, I'm very happy in my role as a chief people officer. I love helping people. I love doing what I do, but it doesn't scratch all my itches. And and then I was also like, okay. I've got the chief people officer thing nailed down. I could do this in my sleep, but, like, so what else can I do? How else can I serve my people? And that's that's how I got into executive coaching as I was like, what tools can I add to my toolbox so I can continue to grow? And then I did that, and it's like, well, now how do I do this? And it's always kinda on to the next thing. Do you feel like people like me, like this, growth minded like yourself, can hit this brink of exhaustion when we don't take the time to slow down and celebrate?

Loraine: Yeah. I was just reading and I haven't finished it, but I was reading or listening to on Audible, The Gap and the Gain.

Erica: Mhmm.

Loraine: I don't know if you've read that, but it was it's really good. I forgot the authors, but if you Google it, it's like a New York Times bestseller. I will

Erica: look at that.

Loraine: But it talk it talks about spending your time where a lot of high achieving people spend their time is in a gap. Like, here's where I am, and here's where I wanna go. And so we're always feeling like something was missing, like, we're not quite hitting the mark, and we spend very little time actually celebrating having reached it. So in the gain, like, from where we started to where we are right now, which might be much a much wider time frame than this one than the than the the gap that we're looking at, but it's just human nature to, like, just, like, reset. And I I actually, like I have a client who she's not future minded. She's buried in the present, and I envy her so much because I'm very, like, future oriented. So like you said, I'm always looking at what's next and working towards the future. And sometimes my work day to day is, like, actually appreciating, like, where I am right now. And I think having I have a two year old, and having my son has been, like, the greatest lesson in that because you see the kids grow. And then it then now you have a physical representation of, like, how much time has elapsed since since where you were. Yeah. So it's definitely grounded me and made me more present. Also, the fact that children are just unpredictable and they you're just forced to be present.

Erica: Oh, well, and kids live very much in the room. Yes. That's why they Understood. Switch from being these sweet little angel babies to tear it. Sour patch. They don't get what they want. Yeah.

Loraine: Yes. So they're very much so that has that's been my work is, like, being in the present. And the burnout part of it, to answer your question, I mean, it's it's it's always a possibility. I think that in my twenties, I was just, like, thrown to going, like, a 100 miles an hour in all of the directions that I thought were gonna lead to, like, my ultimate happiness. And I think having that experience of, like, checking these big things off and then feeling all of a sudden very disappointed, that changed how I approached and the speed and effort that I that I put into all of the different things because I'm always, like, we only have right now. So it made that very clear that you have to find a way to enjoy the goals that you're moving toward. Same thing with health and fitness. Like, it's like, I feel like my thirties has been understanding how to, like, reach my fitness goals while also enjoying the process of reaching my fitness goals. Whereas my twenties was like, how many pounds can I lose before Cancun on Friday? Like, it was just, like, constantly Friday. Right. I think I think it was just constantly, like, fast forwarding. So I think for for people that resonate with our personalities, it's always a balance of, like, how can we continue to grow, which to me is the most important thing. Like, I I always wanna be growing in whatever I'm doing, but then also be grounded enough in our present to actually enjoy what we're working toward.

Erica: Alright. So we talked about a few different things here. Right? And I feel like quite a few of these could be interpreted as that sticky floor, right, and being stuck in the sticky floor. Which when you hear that sticky floor concept, which or what things sticks in sticks in your mind? So when you mentioned

Loraine: it to me in our conversation before, I thought about my business because in the early days of my business, I had, like, three favorite, like, thoughts that would sabotage my progress. Yeah. And one was everyone else is doing it better, prettier, faster than I am. So what's the point of even trying? And this one this is one that comes up up a lot when I'm working with new entrepreneurs, and especially now that we're all marketing on all the different social platforms. So we have quick access to what everybody else is doing, which makes it so much easier to compare ourselves and just spare about where we fall in the hierarchy of things or how fast we're moving. And I just really brainwashed myself into believing that, like, there are people that need my help. Like and maybe there are other people that provide the same service I do, but they don't provide it in the same way with the same background. Like, we really all are unique. Mhmm. And and the other visual that really helped me work through that sticky floor was just that if you go to a grocery store, there really is, like, 17 brands of any product that you would ever want. And, like, they just keep coming. Right? Like, they just keep coming, and you're like I mean, how many of these There are

Erica: 27 balsamic dressing salad dressing.

Loraine: Right. Right. And they just keep coming and they keep changing it a little bit. And and that really that from a business point of view, that really that visual really stuck with me. And then from a personal, like, seeing your own worthiness and your own skills, it's like, there's no one that's gonna have your exact background. Like, whatever the more you share about yourself and the more you own, like, the things that's at your part, but the easier it makes it makes it for your clients to find you. So I've had multiple experiences of people listening to me on podcast where I thought I was, like, so obnoxious and over the top and, like or silly or, like and and they will say, like, you're my coach because I heard you say this and this. This is exactly, like, something I would say or something I'm experiencing and really trusting that what you have to offer is needed by someone out there. No. I think that's what I'm doing.

Erica: Yeah. All of that I think is amazing. And and as someone who got into coaching, I can tell you, like, all of those feelings are very valid and very real. It's like, well, there's already 87,000 out there, but I've never heard that grocery store brand analogy and I am forever going to have that in my brain because I love it. You're right. And the truth is and I coach this to other people, but, like, you are not everybody's cup of tea. Oh, nope. Other people are not my cup of tea. I don't get mad about that. So why am I so worried about everyone liking me? When, like, everybody me having to be the perfect fit for everyone. Alright. It just doesn't exist. And if you think about

Loraine: how and why you hire the people that you hire and not just, like, with coaching, but, like, with anything else you do in life, It's like super intangible. Like, the the way we make decisions about one thing versus the other, one sir one hairstylist versus the other. Like, you can literally go to one hairstylist versus the other because you think she's funny. Yeah. Or like she's a good listener. Yeah. Or like she has good coffee at her shop. Like and it's like there's so many, like, random things that make the difference Yeah. Between you and someone else. Well, and I don't even know

Erica: how many billion people there are in this Earth. I should probably Google that for this podcast at some point. But right. And there are that many people that need service in one of one way, shape, or form. So they can't just be for one person. But what also draws me, like, my brain to this is how women and how we struggle with perfection

Loraine: Mhmm.

Erica: As it relates to these things. Right? Because Yep. We think we can't put this podcast out unless it's perfect, or we can't

Loraine: launch

Erica: this challenge unless it's perfect, or I can't do this until it's perfect. And it's like your imperfections though are what people relate to. Because I don't think I've met one person yet who's been like, I am perfect.

Loraine: Everything I do,

Erica: I've got gift to everything. This is it. Right? Like, most people, at least anybody I wanna talk to, can recognize that they are in fact not perfect, and they recognize that in other people who are also not perfect. Mhmm.

Loraine: So it's

Erica: that perfection. I see you, you see me kind of thing.

Loraine: Yeah. And I think perfectionism is definitely, there's different uses to it for our brain. Right? So I always try to, like, remind my clients because I coach a ton of perfectionism. But when we get down to the nitty gritty, it's just a great it's a very self righteous way to just, like, hide and procrastinate.

Erica: Mhmm.

Loraine: It feels and it seems like, yes, you shouldn't be creating perfect work product. Like, yes. Take your time creating that. Like, it's gonna be worth it, and nobody's gonna judge you for it. And those are that's just all untrue. Like, there's gonna be somebody that doesn't like your shit no matter how much time you spend on it. Right? And then there's also, like I try to remind my clients. Think about your nine to five. Like, you have actual deadlines, and maybe you're the type person that creates all the lead up time that you need to perfect it. Or maybe you're like me and, like, if you have a deadline, you just get the shit done. Like, yes, I'm more before that the deadline, and that doesn't make you less at your job. You're probably still very successful and still very effective on what you do. And what happens with entrepreneurship is with no one to be our boss and set deadlines, we just we just at the beginning, like, in the first year, I'm also guilty of this. I spent, like, hours upon hours on a website that nobody was ever going to look at. Yeah. Unless I led them there. Right? Like, they weren't I didn't know how to do SEO, so

Erica: they weren't gonna,

Loraine: like, find me randomly on Google

Erica: because That might have been hours upon hours creating it.

Loraine: Right. So No.

Erica: SEO for the time you put into that.

Loraine: There's no SEO unless you're skilled with SEO and you're optimizing that website so that as soon as you hit publish and it's done, like, all the masses are gonna find you, you still have to do the work of marketing and selling people and leading them to your storefront or wherever they're going. But I totally agree that it feels very productive and less scary to work on all the knickknacks and the back end of your business before you start actually telling people what you do and, and selling something. Right? So it's so normal, and I try to normalize that with my clients. It's like, there's nothing wrong with you by because you wanna spend five hours on a Saturday perfecting that weird header or banner on your website. Like, there's two things. One, you could pay somebody to do that. Right? Or two, you could just go with what you have and move forward to the part that's actually gonna get you results because what will happen, and I see this all the time, is for those of us that are used to winning and are high achievers, we will spend all this time in the back end and, like, trying to perfect all the little things. And then six months will have gone by, and maybe you haven't signed a client. And now your brain is like, see? Told you this was a stupid idea. This is a little business that's never gonna work. You're never gonna be successful. But you didn't actually do the things, the actual activities that would have brought you clients. You spent a lot of time in your business. You did a bunch of little things. You did a bunch of visiting work, and you you need to expect, especially for the women that I work with, like, you need to expect that your brain is gonna be like, abort mission. This is stupid.

Erica: Yeah.

Loraine: And that you have a certain amount of time to prove to yourself that this is a viable business plan and that it's gonna work. And because there is a certain amount of time before your brain brings the alarm of, like, let's get the fuck out of here. You have to make sure that you optimize that time and you focus on the right things at the beginning, and the right things are always the scary things that make this world a moment.

Erica: Yeah. Well and I think one thing that people do, I will say people because I think everybody is guilty of this, but especially to, like, working moms is this hustle culture of always being busy and always having something to do. And I'm more tired than you because I did this, and I'm the busiest one. And I'm like, that culture is out there. Right? Like, how many times have you called people in the past months and been like, hey. How is everything? And the response was, oh, it's busy. It's so busy. Right? Like, we should not be in this rat race against each other to see who is the busiest and who is the most tired and who had the least amount of sleep. Like, we should be like, who's bringing in the most revenue? Like, how about we look at that stat? Right? Who signed the most clients for the most dollars? Like or whatever it is because at the end of the day, like, you're the only one suffering from all of this wasted, I don't wanna call wasted time, but all of this time doing all of these other things instead of really looking at where the needle moves.

Loraine: Yeah. Yeah. I I totally agree. And I and I understand both sides of that because I feel like nothing put me into overdrive and becoming a mom. And I was just like, excuse me. How does one accomplish all of this shit in, like, just twenty four hours a day? And when do I sleep? And sleep was such a big priority to me. And because I literally can't function without it, and I still wanted time to myself to just think without people asking me for anything. And and I think that as a generation, I think we're doing a really good job of undoing this, like, mom needs to be the end all be all for everything. Like, I wanted to be interchangeable with my husband.

Erica: Mhmm.

Loraine: Like, I don't want to know how to do anything that he like, I want us both to know how to do everything when it comes to parenting. And just like normal household things so that I can leave and, like, spend time by myself sometimes without having to leave a huge list. And and then what I also realized in it all is just like, we just all have different desires and priorities in life. And, like, I have friends that no matter how much I tell them that they need to take more time for themselves, like, they're just completely devoted to their families. And if that's what makes you happy, then that's cool. But I'm always, like, ringing the alarm for the moms and women out I'm with the moms and the women out there that are like, no. This is actually not my whole life. This isn't all that I want to spend my time doing, and how do I, like, unravel how indispensable I've become to everyone? Because that's always that's always a myth anyway. Like, there will come an emergency or something that you had to be gone, and the world went on without you. Just like how we feel sometimes indispensable at work. And then something happens, and you're like, oh, so I've been doing all this extra emotional and other work, and you guys could have been doing it yourself this whole time? Yes. No.

Erica: No. Well, one thing, I mean, you're just saying so many things that are dinging off items in my brain, but I did a one of my very first podcasts with, Adriana Rubio, and she talked about her fear of moving into motherhood because she was so growth focused and so focused on career that she wanted to really make sure she was doing it at the right time. And she's like, and then I finally did it. And she was like, and being a mom is now my superpower because I can get so much more accomplished in the same amount of time.

Loraine: That's true.

Erica: Because I don't know. Time like time bends. As a mom, I resonate with that. I feel you. I get it. And I'm imagining if you're not a parent, it might not resonate with you the same way. But

Loraine: But you might have those same fears. And so I also had a fear that I I I was raised by, like, a martyr mom, and I love her to death, but she was always just sacrificing all of herself for the family. And I was, like, determined not to do that. So when deciding whether I wanted to be a mom or not, I just always kept being I kept getting, like, scared or being fearful of the fact that I would have, like, zero time to myself ever again in life. And I I feel like it did delay. I the timing was perfect, and it's always perfect, but it did definitely delay my desire to become a parent because I was like, cool. What is this? Yeah. Absolutely. And then you get here and you realize that you're actually in charge of everything. Yeah. Yeah. Already. You already are. You're you're already in charge of everything. And I mean, although children are unpredictable, there's ways that you can carve out what you want out of it.

Erica: Well and you have to make a choice and make a decision on what being a good mother means to you. Right? Mhmm. Because for me, it means being there for the important things and making quality time, not quantity time. Right? Mhmm. Can I sit with my kids every day and watch Peppa Pig together? Sure. Are they really gonna remember that and be like, wow. I really love those days when mom watch Peppa Pig with me every day. No. So I will often sit and work on my laptop or something while they're decompressing and having a little Peppa Pig time.

Loraine: And

Erica: then at night, I go and I read books to them because to me, like, that is a poor memory that they will have. It's like at night, my mom took me into bed and we did books every night. And but someone had to talk, like, I don't wanna say someone had to teach me that, but somebody I remember in my quest of being a mother and having perfect and getting them to all the things and doing all the things.

Loraine: And it

Erica: was one of those days where the universe was like, it's not happening for you. But I was, you know, bound and determined to make it happen. And I finally it wasn't to a point where I literally had to give in because I was like, I'm not gonna get across town in five minutes to get her to swim practice that I was just like, what? Fine. Fuck it. We're going to Chick fil A. We're just gonna go home and chill. And it was a great night, but, like, it sometimes it literally takes the universe slapping you in the face with those hard realities and being like, okay. At the end of the day, she number one ever gonna remember that you missed a swim practice at the age of right four.

Loraine: Right. Exactly. Yeah.

Erica: And so but but as someone who, like, strives for some of those things, I need those universe reminders to be like, yeah. No. Sit down, Erica.

Loraine: Yeah. Yeah. I I I I agree with you. I feel like so many unpredictable things, like, in just the two and a half years that my son has been alive where it's just like, whoop. Like, that's it. But and, like, like, daycare closures. Like, he was born right after the pandemic shutdown, so in Yeah. 2020. So, like, I got to be on maternity leave those first months where people were trying to figure out how to, like, parent without day care and do work. But, like, there's still plenty of weeks where it's, like, he caught something and he's down for the cow for the rest of the week. Yeah. Which means, like, I have to figure out, like, what absolutely has to get done, what doesn't, and just move on. And I think, like you said, it has really, like, loosened my grip, like, the control freak part of me of, like, there are gonna be many things that are completely out of your control, and you can decide if you're gonna lose your shit about it or just go to Chick fil A.

Erica: Chick fil A is always the answer. Unless it's on Sunday and then it's not.

Loraine: And it's always on Sunday and then you're always

Erica: on Sunday.

Loraine: What am I doing with my life?

Erica: One thing I wanna touch on, and you mentioned this early on in the podcast, and I just wanna go back to it because I think it's very empowering for people to hear, especially in today's world, is about how you were listening to the podcast, talking about how women or people who have a second role. I don't don't wanna call it a side hustle because it's something Right. Full time thing that you're doing. Right? Mhmm. Hey. Your full time business makes you a more productive worker. So talk to me a little bit about how having your coaching business empowers you to be a better lawyer, a better coach, a better mom.

Loraine: Yeah. I think that number one, it just brings a lot of purpose and joy to, like, my entire life. So I don't know. I'm just happier. Yeah. Like, in general, like, I'm just happier and more excited and more creative on a day to day basis. And two, I'm just more efficient with my time. There are a lot of things that I wanna get done, and there's a whole full time job that needs to happen. I'm like, solve that, plus parenting. So it it does make me very, like, efficient with my time on most days. And then there's days where I'm like, we were talking about where it's just like nothing's getting done, and it's fine. I'm just gonna sit here and and be okay with it. And so, yeah, I think it brings tons of purpose and makes me more efficient. And I think that, like you were saying at the beginning, like, we tend to put a lot of pressure on one job and one role to create all this sense of satisfaction. And it helped me look at my job as just like what it is, a job. Like, something I enjoy doing, but isn't meant to be like the end all feel. Because now I've created this whole other thing on the side that is, like, just me. And just what I'm creating, what I'm what I'm developing out of my own brain, and it feels like, like, it it it fills the creativity gaps that being a lawyer can create in your life. Because a lot of my clients are it's just a very black and white. Like, mind you, nothing is black and white about the law. Everything is gray. But as a career, it is very traditional. It is hard to bring anything alongside it because it it's such a part of your identity, like who you are. And yet there I know very few lawyers that actually like what they do. I was at a conference recently over the summer, and I had given I had presented on several panels. And this woman at lunch was sitting next to me, and she's like, oh, I loved your presentation or whatever. She's like, it seems like you really enjoy your work. And I was like, yeah. I think it was, like, caught me off guard because I'm like, yeah. Like, I I actually do. So I think in general, it's it's brought just more awareness of what we are expecting from different parts of our life and the freedom that we have to do other things with the rest of our time.

Erica: Yeah. I think it adds a bit of levity too because I feel like when things are really tough in the corporate world, then I have the joy that my coaching, that my podcast, that connecting with these women through all of my networking that brings me and that sustains me and carries it through. Yeah. And when I'm struggling with my sticky floors and my beliefs about my business and what I'm doing, I have also the confidence of, like, I'm a freaking chief people officer. Like, I'm a bad bitch. Like, come on now, girl. Like, fuck up. It's hard, but look where you are.

Loraine: Yeah. I coach my clients to borrow and believe all the time. Yeah. From their careers into their business because we tend to forget, especially when you're an early entrepreneurship that, like, you've already created a whole life in a career. Yeah. You're now making things out of, like, pure scratch.

Erica: And I think it's also super key for people to remember that, like, you are so much more than your role. You are so much more than your business. You are also so much more than being a mother. Right? So, like, they're all all of those things make you who you are. And if one area is struggling, like, probably because these other areas are doing really well. And, like, you can't be all things to all people all the time, but, like,

Loraine: you know,

Erica: kind of disassociating this identity from, like, if if things are going to shit in my corporate job, like, I'm a bad chief people officer. Things are terrible. I should have done all these other things. It evens it out a little more that I have all of these different, quote, unquote, identities. My identity is a wife, as a mother, as a coach, as an HR consultant, as a podcaster. Yeah. It's just the one bucket of chief people officer.

Loraine: Yeah. Yeah. A 100%. I it's so true. Because if you're just focused on like, we're we're just multifaceted, and there are seasons seasons of life is, like, literally what I had to remind myself through my first year of being a mom was just like, this was the season. This is just I could feel totally different. And I always tell my clients you could feel totally different in five minutes, five hours, five days. Like, just keep that that, like, forward momentum of, like, things could change. Totally. But, yeah, I I love the idea of having all of these different parts of life. And sometimes, like, our couple's therapist for for example, like, my husband's also multi passionate. So there's all sorts of things happening here. Going on a household. And she's like she's always checking in on us to make sure that we're not missing each other. Like, literally, like, ships passing at night. And it it's just for both of us, we love, like, moving in a lot of directions at the same time, and sometimes it can create chaos. And but at the end of the day, we're both fulfilled, and, most days, like, we're having a good time.

Erica: So if you were to go back to the Loraine who's sitting there going like, oh my gosh. Everybody's coaching. Everybody's doing it. Why I'm a lawyer already. Why should I even think about dabbling in this? What kind of advice would you give her now that everything

Loraine: Yeah. I think I think the biggest thing is you're never gonna feel like as fulfilled as you're desiring to feel until like you step out and give it a try. And the other thing would be is like the clarity will come because I was very impatient about knowing how things were gonna end. And what I'm realizing, the further I get into my thirties, it's just like nobody knows, including you. And all you can do is do, like, the next best thing, whatever feels good to you, the next step, and follow, like, the prongs of your curiosity. And this came from the book Big Magic, but it was, like, following, like, those that intuition and those impulses to do things that feel like they're, like, totally out of left field. And maybe that thing doesn't end up being the thing that makes you feel super fulfilled, but maybe it leads you to the thing or the person or the job or whatever. And just keeping a lighter grasp on life. Like, I thought I had a lot of fun in my twenties, but I was also very serious about what I was trying to accomplish. And I I think I just would have added more levity to everything and more patience of, like, there's no, like, magic solution. Yeah. Right? You're gonna stumble across it and then be very happy.

Erica: You're gonna stumble across it. Quit looking for it. You're just gonna stumble across it. It's gonna be so happy. Well, I do wanna share to you for all my listeners, Loraine does a lot of awesome stuff on Saturday where you invite people.

Loraine: Yeah. Yeah. My coworking.

Erica: So yeah. Mhmm. So tell me a little bit about your coworking thing because I think that's super cool and where people can find you.

Loraine: Yeah. So the co working and coaching started one, I just wanted to try something new and fun in my business, which is also something I wanna look forward to as entrepreneurs. Just like making shit up and being like, hey. This is what I'm doing today. But we started doing in the mastermind that I'm a part of, and I found that I don't think I have I've never been diagnosed with ADHD, but I have a lot of ADHD behaviors when it comes to being at a computer and getting things done. I I just, like, jump from one thing to another all day long and then end up feeling unproductive. What I found with coworking is that we set at the beginning what we were gonna work on and what we're gonna achieve by the end of the coworking session. And just being on Zoom with other people that you've set this to somehow, like, reels you in even if Dial you in. Like, even if you start looking at your email five minutes in, it'll bring you back. So then I was like, oh, this would be something fun to do with my community. And then the gist of it is we we hop on, say what we're gonna work on. We work on it for twenty five minutes, then we check-in. And if anybody needs coaching or stuck on something, then I do a lot of coaching at the moment.

Erica: Well, I think that's awesome. So where what's your Instagram reel? What's the best way to find you?

Loraine: So my Instagram is loli love, l o l y, underscore love, and that's where I spend most of my time. I have a ton tons of IG lives and different things on different topics. And and then my website is loraine martinez.com. And I have a great I I tell all my business to my email list. So if you go to my website, a little pop up will come up and you can get on my email list. That's where you can get the full tea of what's going on

Erica: full

Loraine: tea in my life and what I'm offering. It's just crazy around here some days.

Erica: I love it. I love it. Well, thank you so much for your time. I love we talked all things business, mom, side hustles, productivity, productivity

Loraine: And we were efficient with our time.

Erica: And we were efficient with our damn time. So thank you so much for being here.

Loraine: You're welcome. Thank you for having me.