Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have HER Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. HER Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, handling hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career and life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside HER Collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: Have you spent your life chasing success, doing all of the things that you're supposed to be doing? Graduating from college, getting the dream job, buying a house, getting married, check, check, check, check, check, only to wake up and realize that maybe you're not as happy as you thought you'd be? In today's episode, we talk with Danielle Cobo, mom, military wife, fellow podcast host, and a woman on a mission to help leaders and organizations lead with grit, resilience, and courage. We're gonna go through her three step process to discovering your purpose so that you can redefine success.

Erica: We talk about mental health and what you need to do to protect your mental health, and what strategies you can use in your everyday life to make sure that you are feeling connected, energized, and fulfilled. You are listening to the podcast that empowers women to get seen, get heard, and get promoted. I'm your host, Erica Rooney, and I've made it my mission to help you break free from the sticky floors, those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors, to bust through the glass ceiling. I'm obsessed with all things growth and abundance, and I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life.

Erica: We talk about the hard stuff here. Imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear, and burnout. So pull up a seat, pop in an earbud, and let's dive in. Oh, welcome. I am so excited today.

Erica: We have Danielle Cobo, who is someone that I've actually been connected to for a little bit. I was a guest on her podcast, and the conversation was so amazing I had to have her on mine. So, Danielle, thank you so much for being here. It's so good to see you.

Danielle: Thank you. It's an honor to be on the podcast, so I appreciate the invitation.

Erica: Oh, I love it. I would love to start just by jumping in and hearing a little bit more about you, who you are, what you do, and who you serve.

Danielle: Oh, there's a lot to unpack in that.

Erica: And how did we get there?

Danielle: Yeah. And how did we get there? Well, I work with organizations who want to develop the grit, resilience, and courage to thrive in a rapidly changing market. That is where a lot of my focus is now. I have spent most of my career, twenty years of my career, in sales, particularly medical sales.

Danielle: So I have done the cold call, the door to door, but most recently, I was a senior sales manager for a Fortune 500 company in the aesthetic industry. So very fortunate to work in the aesthetic industry. It's a lot of fun. And today, it's been an interesting journey, but it's been a journey of a lot of growth, and I'm very happy in where I'm at today. But I find that a lot of what I'm doing now is either working with organizations on leadership development, change management, or burnout prevention, or I'm working with individuals, a lot of women, on where they want their career to be and what does success look like for them.

Erica: I love that because from a personal standpoint, you know, you're a mom, you're a wife. Tell me more about kind of who is the Danielle behind the professional scene.

Danielle: Behind the professional scene, my life is chasing around two thrill seeking five year old twins. So I wake up. It is the fun battle of getting them up early, getting them on the school bus, then it's a full day of work, and I'm rushing over to pick them up, karate practice, come home, cook dinner, bedtime routine, and then hello, husband. So I would say that behind the professional scene, I am a mom, first and foremost, that is my number one priority. I am also a wife, but I'm also a military wife, which is a unique kind of lifestyle.

Danielle: And then I am an avid lover of redesigning and decorating my house. I wouldn't say it's necessarily a strength of mine, but I get hooked into Pinterest and think that I am a designer.

Erica: Is, like, TJ Maxx and HomeGoods, like, your number one store?

Danielle: Oh, yes. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm proud of my Pinterest worthy pantry even though it's completely destroyed, and I've accepted that now with family.

Danielle: But, yeah, I kinda get sucked into Pinterest and social media and think that I'm a designer. In all reality, I have had to shut myself off from HomeGoods and TJ Maxx.

Erica: So let's talk a bit about this perception of success, because you have had multiple seasons of your life. Seasons of being single, of being a military wife, of being a military wife who has twin boys, of being in the corporate world, and now being an entrepreneur. How has success shifted for you?

Danielle: Success has shifted in many ways. In my upbringing, success looked like, and I was really focused on starting my career. I started working full time when I was 16 years old. Success at that point in my life was freedom. I grew up in a toxic environment, and there was a lot of challenges throughout my upbringing.

Danielle: So to me, success was having the freedom to financially support myself. I ended up moving out at 17. And then it turned into success being able to continue to provide for myself. It was buying a house. It was being in sales and earning the president's award for top sales performance.

Danielle: Then it went into the title of becoming a manager and working for a Fortune 500 company. Then success was being a great mom. And now success looks very different to me. And it took a while to get to this point, but I'm glad that I got to this point. And success looks like for me now is happiness.

Erica: Mhmm.

Danielle: And it's not defined by the title, by the house, by the car, by what, and I've gotten caught up into this too, what my Instagram profile looks like. Especially as an entrepreneur that could be a challenge. Success looks like to me being truly happy.

Erica: I love that you say that because I know for myself and so many of the other women who are listening, we're constantly chasing what we should be doing from these societal expectations. So I should go to this college, and I should graduate and get my job and then get married and check, check, check, buy a house, have babies, all of that. And then you get to this point where you're like, I've done these things, and you're kind of just in life, and that's when this redefining success comes about. But at what point did you stop and take inventory, I suppose, of shifting from, hey, do I have the right IG profile and the right car, to it needs to be about my happiness?

Danielle: Yeah. I think that it evolves over time, but there was a very pivotal moment in my life where my life turned upside down. And I wasn't anticipating it, and it was a difficult experience to go through, but I'm glad that it happened. So in 2020, like many of us, our life shifted. Our world was shut down.

Danielle: Well, before the pandemic, in 2019, my husband served a year deployment in Iraq. So our twin boys were two years old at the time. I was traveling every week by plane and covering my team. I was very fortunate to have a great support system with my in laws. And then 2020, January 26, my husband comes back from deployment.

Danielle: And many people will ask first and foremost, how did you do the deployment? How did you have the career and also the family? And I would say that that's actually not the hardest part of a deployment. It's difficult. You're exhausted.

Danielle: But the hardest part of my experience with the deployment is them coming home. They come home a different person. They come home from a war zone where they're being shot at. My husband's a Black Hawk pilot, and so he's had experiences where missiles were hitting his base, and they were trying to take down his helicopter. And he comes home, and it's the challenges of reconnecting with your spouse. It's the challenges of, when he left, our kids were still doing finger foods.

Danielle: They were saying dada and mama. And now all of a sudden he comes back, they're two and a half years old, and they have a vocabulary, and they are opinionated. And they're going into the threes with temper tantrums. So the first was him coming back from deployment and that transition. Then March 8, I lost my mom, and I lost my mom to suicide.

Danielle: That was a devastating experience to go through. Even though there was a challenging upbringing with her, no one ever wants to go through that. And then March 13, the pandemic shut the world down. And then a few months later, I found myself at a very toxic work environment, and I had left the company that I was with for seven years. So these life changing events all happened within a six month period.

Danielle: And it really shook me up and turned my life upside down and had me at a point of questioning, am I happy? What do I want in life? How do I define success in my life? And I was really confused at first. It took me some time to really discover what that was.

Erica: I love this, and I feel like sometimes the universe just sends you signs. Because this morning, I was listening to a podcast, and they were talking about life inventory. And I'm like, this is what Danielle is doing. It's just taking life inventory. But all of those things that you mentioned, one is already almost too much for someone to bear, let alone all of those things.

Erica: How was your mental health impacted?

Danielle: I had developed kind of panic attacks earlier on in my life with just some of the toxicity with my upbringing. And then when I was overcoming postpartum depression, they got worse. And then this situation, these six months, exacerbated them. I was having panic attacks. I was having anxiety.

Danielle: I was lethargic. I was having a hard time sleeping, ruminating over what is the right decision to make. My twin boys are also immune compromised. So when they were born, they were having a lot of difficulty breathing. So there was that fear, not knowing about COVID.

Danielle: Like, how is this gonna affect them particularly? So it was not good for my mental health. I was stressed out. I was depressed. I was anxious.

Danielle: I was worried all the time, and it got to the point where I had to shut the news off because that was triggering more anxiety. And then I also took a three month break from social media.

Erica: Oh, wow.

Danielle: It felt so good. It felt so good. I felt like I had more time on my hands. I wasn't distracted as much.

Danielle: I didn't get sucked into the comparison of what everybody else was doing compared to what I was doing. I didn't get sucked into the how to videos of how to contour. I mean, in 2019 when my husband was deployed, I thought that it was learning. And so I was watching all these how to videos, and then I started to pick out any imperfection because I was trying to do my makeup better. And then I found myself in 2020, like, I learned how to embrace my natural beauty because I turned it all off.

Danielle: And so yeah. I mean, I think those were some really good breaks to discover what were some of the triggers of my insecurities, what were some of the triggers that were causing the worry and the anxiousness.

Erica: I love it. So you talk about taking this break, kind of removing yourself. What other things did you do to protect your mental health? And I ask this question because May is mental health month. I don't think we talk about it enough.

Erica: I think the pandemic shed a good light on it, and it has made everybody else aware, but there's still this stigma. And I think everyone deals with mental health so differently that any kind of sharing of a tip, like just this three month break from social media, I was like, I should think about that. What other things did you do that worked for you to kinda help protect your mental health?

Danielle: The ways that I was protecting my mental health, I'm just gonna say this, and I know that a lot of people don't say this, but I wanna be very forthcoming in destigmatizing medication. So when I was going through postpartum depression, it was severe. I was hospitalized multiple times. It was a very challenging time in my life, and I went on an antidepressant. And then, of course, right after I started to feel better, but then my husband deployed.

Danielle: And then I started to feel a little better, and then this six months of life changing. So let's destigmatize antidepressants. You're not weak for taking them. It is a chemical imbalance. It is helping you get back to the place where you naturally are.

Danielle: I mean, I'm a type A, very driven, very successful woman, and postpartum rocked my world.

Erica: Yeah.

Danielle: So it's not a matter of being weak. It's just a matter of getting you back to where you are. So let's destigmatize that. Then I would say the other thing is I was very aware of what my triggers were. So I had shared my triggers were the news.

Danielle: My triggers were social media and comparing myself to others. My triggers were some of the people that were getting caught up into the political views, and at that time, I believe everyone was so focused on trying to change each other's viewpoints that it was dividing relationships.

Erica: Yes.

Danielle: And then I was also protecting my mental health by really enjoying the moments that matter. Going on walks with my kids outside. I am someone that's born and raised in Southern California. I need my vitamin D from the sun. I love the fresh air.

Danielle: I love to be outside. I love the sun. So even just going for a walk every day, and those conversations that you have with your family when you're going on these walks, those are just some of the ways I was intentional about protecting and supporting my mental health.

Erica: Hey there, listeners. If you have ever felt like you're stuck in a place, held back by self doubt, perfectionism, or that pesky inner critic, you're not alone. We all face those sticky floors that keep us from reaching the heights we dream of. But guess what? It's time to shatter those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities.

Erica: My book, Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors, is your ultimate guide to smashing through barriers, overcoming limiting beliefs, and stepping into your full potential. This book has been endorsed by none other than the great Mel Robbins, best selling author and motivational powerhouse. It's also been featured in Success Magazine, so you know it's packed with insights that work. Inside, you'll find real life sticky floor stories, practical strategies to help you handle your own sticky floor moments, and a whole lot of inspiration to keep you climbing. This isn't just a book.

Erica: It's your roadmap to success, confidence, and freedom. Grab your copy of Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors today at www.ericaandersonrooney.com. Whether you're in the boardroom, the classroom, or just starting out, this book is for you, because no one, and I mean no one, deserves to stay stuck. No one deserves to feel small, and you have glass ceilings to shatter. Let's do this.

Erica: That's amazing. And I think talking about the moments that matter really brings us back to what we were talking about earlier, which is redefining success and figuring out what makes us happy. Now you had shared with me earlier, you have three steps to discover your purpose. Can you talk to me a little bit about that?

Danielle: Yeah. So when I was going through this shift and rediscovering what my purpose is, what was fulfilling me, the first step that I took is reprogramming my negative beliefs. We talk about, a lot of times we hear about affirmations and negative beliefs, but how do we do it? So the exercise that I talk about in my book is shattering our negative beliefs.

Danielle: So I invite people to sit in a quiet room and take a white porcelain plate, and with a black Sharpie, start in the center and work all the way around the plate and fill up the entire plate with every negative belief that you have told yourself. Not only what you've told yourself, what other people have told you. I had some mean bullies in middle school that told me, Danielle, body of a goddess, face from hell. I was told in high school that when I had moved out at 17 that I wasn't going to succeed in life, and I began to believe these. So write down what other people have told you, the negative beliefs that you have within yourself, and then put that porcelain plate into a brown paper bag, staple it up, and with every single force of energy in your body, throw it on the ground as hard as you possibly can.

Danielle: It's that writing it down and releasing it from your mind and putting it on paper and having the self awareness to know what the negative beliefs are, but seeing them shatter just feels good. And if you've got teenagers, this is a really fun activity to do with teenagers. If you wanna get your friends together, have some wine and a charcuterie board and do it together, that's fun to do as well. But the first step is reprogramming the negative beliefs. And then from there, then you write down your affirmations.

Danielle: So affirmations could look like, I've applied to a job, and I've immediately disqualified myself because I don't have the industry experience. And reprogramming it to say, my skills are transferable, and I bring fresh perspectives to the organization that I'm applying to. Or, I'm too old to get this job, to, I have a lot of experience, and I would make an excellent mentor for the people coming up within the organization. So it's reprogramming. The second step is identifying what your unique strengths are.

Danielle: So when I left my job, I was really confused. Like, who am I? What is my purpose here in life? So I posted on Facebook. I said, if you have one word to describe me, how would you describe me?

Danielle: And I was flooded with comments. All these positive words, and people would then comment and say, this is how you've impacted my life. I feel inspired. I feel motivated. You helped me go for that promotion.

Danielle: You helped prepare me for different events. I switched jobs because of you. And I had no idea, like many of us, the impact that we have on people in the small moments could be anything that we say. So then I took those words and I created a word cloud out of them, put it on poster board, and I have it above. It's something that I can look at. And it's a reminder anytime I have self doubt, like, look at that word cloud and the words that people describe in you. Those are unique strengths that people see in you that you may not see in yourself. And then the third and final step is discover what your legacy is. What is your purpose?

Danielle: And this may sound like an odd exercise, but there's value in it. We are all going to pass at some point. It is a part of life. What type of legacy and impact do you wanna make? And you are able to discover it by taking two steps.

Danielle: One being write a eulogy. And you're gonna write a eulogy from a friend and family member's perspective and then from a coworker's perspective. And in that eulogy, you're gonna write down what do you want people to say about you. And when you write that down, it helps provide clarity as to what is the legacy that you wanna leave, and always living in integrity with your legacy.

Erica: I love the concept of doing it from the coworker versus the friend's perspective because that kinda struck me a little bit. I'm sure you saw my face where I was like, oh gosh. Because it will really tell you if you are living in alignment with your values and who you wanna be. And I think that's the key because it is very telling, you know, how you show up at work, whether you're a leader, whether you're an individual contributor, and how you're showing up for your family at home and all of that. And I would love to say another thing that really sticks out at me is all of these are very tangible exercises that we can do.

Erica: And for many people here, if you were ever like me in the past, you've been like, okay. Whatever. Write my stuff down on a plate and smash the plate. Whatever. But when you actually do these things, it is amazing the results that you get.

Erica: And, yes, it may sound woo woo, and it may be a little out there for you, but just try it. You can go to the dollar store and get, like, a dollar twenty five plate because everything there is now more than a dollar. But I love that you have all of these tangible exercises for all of the three steps. And I would love to ask you, because we talk about legacy here, what is the legacy that you wanna leave?

Danielle: Oh, the legacy that I want to leave is helping people uncover what their unique strengths are and helping people discover what their purpose is. What is it that maybe they don't see within themselves, but other people see within them? It's about making an impact and being kind and loving and being a great mom and a great wife and a great friend and showing up for other people while also showing up for myself, because that's important. We talk about you can't pour from an empty cup, and it's very true. I know it's kind of a cliche saying, but I understand that if I have an empty cup, what that emotional burnout looks like is I'm overwhelmed, I'm angry, I'm irritable, and that's not serving me.

Danielle: That's not serving the people around me. So it's important to show up for myself and give myself that space, relax, and recharge, but also that helps show up for others as well.

Erica: How do you serve yourself as well? And I ask this because I think that really relates to leaving an impact legacy and also showing up for your mental health. So what are some of those things that you do?

Danielle: Okay. So a lot of us will talk about bubble baths. Yes. That is nice. I do like a good bubble bath with the eucalyptus bubbles in it and my computer next to me with some Netflix shows on.

Danielle: Yes. That is nice, but that's not, like, my primary. Mine is starting with my mind. So when I get home from work, this was really important to me when Paul was deployed. My husband was deployed.

Danielle: When I got home from work, the first thing I would do is grab my kids, at the time they're in a stroller, and I would go for a walk. It was the outside, the fresh air. It was laughing and giggling with them. We used to walk around and look at people's Christmas decorations or Halloween decorations, whatever was out there. But it helped me transfer the stress of the workday and release that and be in a good mindset for family.

Danielle: So that's one way that I support my mental health. Another way is listening to my body. Yes. I like to work out. Yes.

Danielle: It's good for me. But when Paul was deployed, what was important to me was sleep. So I learned to give myself a lot of grace, that sometimes what's best for our body, while we think maybe working out, at that time, it was sleep. Definitely sleep. Especially because my kids were sick every six weeks, and they were on breathing treatments in the middle of the night.

Danielle: So at that point, sleep was really important to me, and that was helping my mental health.

Erica: Yeah. Sleep is a big thing at that stage, especially when you have two of them at the same age. Well, Danielle, what is the one piece of advice that if you could go back in time and tell the Danielle who's working full time at 16, going out on her own at 17, checking all her boxes to reach this defined success, what is the one piece of advice you would give her?

Danielle: That you are not defined by the obstacles. The challenges that you've had in your past do not define you. Don't let the challenges create that self doubt, that inner critic within us that holds us back and stands in our way from achieving our goals, that we're more capable than we think. And to sit down and constantly check in with yourself. And what does success mean to you?

Erica: I think that's so important, checking in with yourself. So, Danielle, where can people find you? Your podcast, you've got a book coming out. Tell me all the things.

Danielle: Yeah. So my podcast is the Dream Job with Danielle Cobo podcast, which you have been on. Very excited to share that episode with the world as well. It's on Spotify and iTunes and every other platform you can listen in on. And then my book comes out in 2023.

Danielle: I have every other social media platform, but I like to engage most on LinkedIn.

Erica: Love it. And I can't wait to read the book, and I will link everything in the show notes. But, Danielle, thank you so much.

Danielle: Thank you.

Erica: Thank you for listening today. I hope that you loved hearing Danielle's three step process to redefining success as much as I did. I know that I see shattering plates in my very near future. Now if you enjoyed this episode and you want more insider content just like this, head on over to Instagram or LinkedIn and give me a follow. The links are in the show notes.