Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone. So I recently did a DISC assessment for my day job. And if you are not familiar with the DISC, it's a personality created by a man named William Marson, maybe it was Marson, back in 1928, but it shows that behavioral characteristics can be grouped together in four major groups. Long story short, people with similar styles tend to exhibit specific behavior characteristics which are common to one of the four styles to which everyone shares these four styles to some degree of intensity. It lays out who you are, how you act, how you react, and what your tendencies are.

Erica: And let's just say it's accurate as heck. This is the second time I've taken this assessment. It's given me the same results both times. And if you take the time to read your assessment, it lays out some hardcore truths about who you are and what drives you. And I basically read something in my assessment that gave me this major it factor.

Erica: Why? Because it doesn't align with who I want to be or how I want others to see me. I tossed the assessment down. I was unwilling to accept what the paper in front of me was trying to tell me. But when I came back to it with fresh eyes and a way more open mind and heart, I realized it was true.

Erica: And not just that there was some truth in it, but that it was the real, raw, and hardcore truth. And I didn't like it, but I had to confront myself with the truth that I was reacting a certain way to this assessment because it was true and it is me. And that is that I rely on others to recognize, to praise, and that I really care about my social status. Oh, god. Icky all.

Erica: Ick. Like, just reading that and saying it out loud to you? Ick. So let's talk about it. How can you move forward with love and acceptance for those parts of you that make you cringe?

Erica: How can you harness those powers for good? And how can you leverage that ick to help you grow? Oh, I am still cringing over this assessment, if I'm honest with you.

Erica: It bothers me that I care so much about what other people think. It's a sticky floor of mine that I believe holds me back in so many ways, and it's just not congruent with the type of person that I aspire to be. Now I might not post content because I worry what the haters and the trolls on the Internet will say. Who is she to post that? What does she know?

Erica: She's not qualified to tell us what to do. I worry that if I won't fit in with a group, if I'm on the outside, and what I mean by that is I tend to be so agreeable that it used to mean I wasn't being authentic. If you ask me if I'd seen a recent movie, I would lie and say yes because I wanted you to think we were alike. If you asked me if I like country music, I would say, hell yeah, when really it was only a few songs. And I used to sit quietly listening even if I didn't agree because I didn't want to rock the boat.

Erica: Now I know this about myself, and the only word I can think of is ich. Ich because it doesn't make me feel like the strong independent woman who's a leader that I aspire to be. It makes me feel like a a lemming, like a nobody. Like, why should I need recognition from anyone but myself? And it's a good question and probably one I will spend my life working on.

Erica: And, y'all, it's my sticky floor. So let me ask you, what piece of you makes you feel icky? What piece of you makes you cringe a little? What piece of you are you shutting away from the world pretending it doesn't matter or it doesn't bother you when, really, it does? That is the piece that we are going to learn to confront today so that you can take the ich, acknowledge the ich, but also move on from the ich.

Erica: Now the first step is to truly notice how does it show up in your body. And for me, when I was reading this assessment and in just the 30 pages, it kept coming back up page after page. This need for recognition, this need for praise, I just kept skimming over it, moving on, not wanting to highlight that piece of me that was without a doubt true. I wanted to rush right past it because then I wouldn't have to acknowledge it. But once you kinda take those sensations, those uncomfortableness that you are feeling in your own skin, that is the very beginning of opening up your vulnerability to say, you know what?

Erica: I'm not perfect, but this is me. And if I'm honest with you, I had to sit with that for a while to really get up the courage to face that sticky floor. And that, my friend, is when the deep work comes in. That is where you have to ask and answer some really deep questions about why you do what you do, why those things matter, where those actions come from. And when I got quiet and introspective, I found the answer.

Erica: So if you don't know me, I'm a child of divorce. My parents separated when I was two years old, and I spent my life living between two households. I literally went to my dad's once a week and every other weekend and every other holiday every other year. I lived out of a suitcase back and forth, back and forth. And these households had different rules about how we could behave, what was acceptable, different expectations about how we could act at the dinner table, how we could act when we were out, and what was okay and what was not okay.

Erica: So each week, I spent my life code switching in my own homes, and I wanna let that sink in. Now I know many of you listening code switch at work, and I know my friends, especially my friends who are people of color, have had to code switch daily at work. But as a kid growing up in two different homes, I was code switching in one or rather two places that I was supposed to be my authentic self, the place where I was supposed to feel safe and loved and protected no matter what. Now, of course, I didn't realize at the time, I didn't even know I was doing it, but I spent my home life trying to fit in to each home's expectations to be the good little girl that each house required because I saw in each home how praise was doled out, how I was rewarded for different things. So life for me, it was a constant code switch.

Erica: And And when I got into the corporate world, that only continued. Now, of course, I have the privilege of being a white straight woman, so I am not even going to pretend to acknowledge the code switching that happens for people who are any other skin color than myself or LGBTQ plus or any other minority. But for me with that revelation, it was no wonder that some of my favorite times and the times that I feel the most comfortable are when I'm alone or when I'm with my kids who are expectation of how mom should be acting or what I should be doing. But it's no wonder. And once you've done that deep work, y'all, once you have really peeled back the onion to uncover the why and sometimes the painful why so for me, the why do I need recognition?

Erica: Why do I need praise? Why do I need people to like me? You can get to that magical transformational step. I now understand why I act that way, and now I can pivot. Now, I will likely always want praise and recognition.

Erica: It is deeply ingrained in me. This started when I was two. But guess what? I can provide my own praise and my own recognition and my own rewards. I don't have to have my boss compliment me on my work.

Erica: I can reward myself once I've completed that project. Yes. It's nice. Yes. I want it, but I can do this for myself.

Erica: Or I might look at the core desire to fit in and to belong as a positive, that my desire to belong and be a leader, it also means that I have this magical power to make everyone feel a sense of belonging when they are with me, that I can see the power and the good in everyone around me. And y'all, as I say that, even here, I realize how true that is. I have always had such diverse groups of friends, and I've always celebrated everyone in my life and seen the good in everyone because I truly feel that the whole world is connected and that we are all connected, and I wanna make sure that everybody feels that. Now, y'all, some leaders are so self centered and focus on results at all costs. They forget to focus on the people and on belonging.

Erica: No one ever has to worry about that with me. So while I feel that ick when I think about how I have this need for belonging and this need for recognition and praise and just, ugh, y'all, ick, I can look at that and I can create some very intentional thought shifts about how my ick is my superpower because no one around me will ever not be praised. No one around me will ever feel like they don't belong. And damn y'all, that is a freaking superpower, and it is something that I am so, so proud of. So I wanna walk you through this process.

Erica: I'm gonna break it down really easy, really simple here. First, feel the ick. Sit with the ick. Notice how the ick shows up your in your body and how you feel. Then name it.

Erica: Name that ich. And for me, the ich of knowing that I crave praise and recognition for my work and my contributions, that gave me the power to then ask the deep thoughtful questions. So, okay, I'm gonna start again. You're gonna feel the sensations, you're gonna name the ick, and now you're gonna ask yourself the deep questions. Why do I believe this?

Erica: Why does it bother me? What about my past might lead me to act this way? And, of course, is this helpful and is this true? Now, rewind, jot those down, journal on them, and really think about them. Peel back that onion.

Erica: And if you feel yourself skimming over like I was, go back. You need to go back. That is your sign. And then, y'all, the last step is the pivot from its ick to it's my superpower. Now, you've heard that saying, make your mess your message.

Erica: That is what this step is all about. Take the ick and pivot. How is that ick powerful? How does it make you stand apart? How does it make you a better leader, a better mom, a better partner, a better friend, a better person?

Erica: And when you feel that ick creep in, hold on tight to the pivot. And remember that, yes, you do want and you need the ick, whatever that ick is. But that ick is what makes you amazing and magnificent, and unique, and powerful, and it makes you, you. I want you to harness that power, the power of the pivot. And I'll leave you with this.

Erica: Deep down, everyone wants to live a life that matters. We all want to feel like the time we spend on Earth makes a difference, and we achieve that by intentionally using our influence every day to bring about positive change in the lives of others. So take that ich, pivot, and use your powers for good. Now, I am so grateful for you. I'm so thankful for you.

Erica: And, y'all, this is your reminder to stop putting ceilings on what's possible and start breaking through them. And if you liked this episode, if it resonated with you, please rate review and subscribe to the podcast as it truly helps it land in the hands of the woman that needs to hear it the most. I'll talk to you next time.