Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: You can't get good at something if you don't start. That sounds pretty straightforward. Right? But we don't do the thing because we fear we won't be good at it. We don't apply for the job because we don't know if we can do the work.

Erica: We don't write the book because what if it's not any good? We don't start the podcast because what if nobody likes it? But you can't get better at it if you don't at least try. In my work, I've seen so many people fail to start because they want everything to be perfect. They wanna see that gold medal at the finish line.

Erica: They want to know that they will be good at it. Right? This is perfection. This is our need for control, and y'all, it's keeping us stuck. I love talking about perfection because the more we understand it and how it shows up in our lives, the easier we can move past it.

Erica: And I never thought of myself as a perfectionist. I don't mind messy rooms. I don't feel the need to have every hair in place. I don't volunteer for the PTA, and you can damn sure expect that my emails have grammatical errors. I just wanna get my point across.

Erica: But after a podcast recording with a fellow mama, I realized that perfection isn't what I thought it was, and it was actually showing up in my life. I always thought that perfectionism was when someone looked perfect, acted perfect, got the perfect grades, and really presented herself as that picture perfect colleague, wife, and mama. You know, she shows up at carpool line on time every day, makeup and hair ready, volunteers for the PTA, and manages to have dinner on the table, you know, all while in her business suit and heels. I didn't realize that it could be me, messy bun hair and all. You see, perfection is really about your need for control.

Erica: As kids, we think that if we get the perfect grades, we can control where we will be accepted into college, which turns into controlling our first job, our career, and our life. Do you see how I spiraled there? And, yes, that's intense, but it's true. Perfectionism is the need to create these perfect conditions so that we can control the outcome. And it's complicated.

Erica: There's different degrees of perfectionism ranging from harmless, like keeping a tidy desk to color coordinated closets, which, yes, I am guilty of that, to toxic and debilitating. That if one thing isn't perfect, it's not worth doing at all. It's ruined. Perfection is not the act of self improvement or trying to be your best. It's that false belief that if we look perfect, if we act perfect, if we are perfect, we can avoid being uncomfortable and we can control our lives.

Erica: It's this way to earn approval and validation. When you expect perfection, you inevitably spiral down this path of anxiety, depression, and sometimes self destruction. And I put a lot of thought into this. I came from a family of divorce. My parents split up when I was a toddler.

Erica: And for my entire life up until college, I lived in a split household. I've spent a few days with my mom, a few days with my dad, alternating holidays. And looking back, my parents did a relatively good job of maintaining peace between each other within the family. You know, I didn't come from a household where there was constant negativity, gaslighting, or parents just arguing all the time. But let's be real.

Erica: They were divorced and they're human. Right? There were times where they would make snide comments and criticize each other. And what I realize now is that criticism made me feel very uncomfortable. It made me feel like I had to pick a side.

Erica: I think that as a child, I wanted to control that. And the way that I could control that was to make everybody happy all the time. And I can make everybody happy by getting the good grades, by being the picture perfect child. That I felt I looked perfect, if I acted perfect, if I was perfect, everybody would be happy. But as you all know, no one's perfect.

Erica: No one. We all have our faults. And what that then had me do was hide my faults to put up these walls of smoke and mirrors so that I could portray this picture of perfection, this picture of happiness. And I think to some degree that really followed me into adulthood. What we also know is that it does not matter how perfect you are.

Erica: You still will not be able to control the thoughts of others and how they act. But what I'm hoping by telling you this story is that you can see this pattern, this pursuit of perfection that got me nowhere. Because at the end of the day, I didn't have control over others, over what my parents were feeling, over what they said. I couldn't control how they acted. I can't control how they respond to me.

Erica: You know, in reality, a perfect person isn't gonna take away any pain or hurt that the other person is feeling. It's out of your control. But the good news is you can change this pattern of thinking by boosting your confidence and your self worth. And when you start to realize that, like, okay. I'm thinking this isn't good enough.

Erica: I'm thinking it's it isn't perfect. Or what if nobody likes this? You you have the power to stop. Y'all perfectionism, what I've realized is a habit and it's a habit that you can break. That's the good news.

Erica: You can control habits. So here's what I want you to do. I've got five things that you can practice when you find yourself starting to have these negative beliefs and these thoughts and feelings surrounding perfection. The first thing I want you to do is practice self compassion for yourself. Respond to the trash statements that are going on in your mind with thoughts that are centered in forgiveness.

Erica: Like, hey. It's okay. I made a mistake. Like, hey. It's okay.

Erica: I didn't get in a workout today. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean I'm not a healthy person. Give yourself that forgiveness. The second thing I want you to do is create a mantra that works for you, that can help you center your thoughts.

Erica: And this can be as simple as nobody's perfect. Or for me, how perfectionism shows up in my life in the form of, if I don't get a full sixty minutes of exercise of high intensity, I usually just say, screw it. I can't do it at all. My mantra is some is better than none. And sometimes I remind myself that I am doing more than everyone sitting on the couch, and that's enough to kind of flip my mindset and to make me get in a workout that might not have met my original perfect expectations.

Erica: I also want you to set up a memory bank where you did knock it out of the park even though something wasn't perfect. You do amazing things all the time. And I want you to anchor yourself in something positive, in a positive memory or an accomplishment that you have done. The fourth thing I want you to do is surround yourself with positive people who push you forward despite things not being perfect. You know that mama that invites you over even though her house is a mess?

Erica: Or the friend that says, come over. We'll just order pizza and eat off paper plates. Those are the people you need in your life. They don't have to be your spouse, your best friend, but find them and have them in your life because their positive energy will rub off on you. And if all else fails, if you find yourself spiraling down, you know, the spiral train of perfection, I want you to think of me.

Erica: And I want you to think of me pushing myself out of my comfort zone. And I want you to think what would Erica do. Y'all, I'm by no means perfect, but I am trying my best to do all the things. And that's all I need you to do is to try. You know, I'm putting this podcast out today.

Erica: I've got a squeaky, sick voice. It's not gonna sound perfected, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm also not gonna get in an hour working out, but I'm gonna do it anyway. So if you are stuck in perfection, if you feel that anxiety creeping into your body, you feel the constraints going up around you, think about me. What would Erica do?

Erica: And I'm gonna tell you now, I would try. Now I tell you to do this. I know it sounds a bit woo woo and a bit silly, but the research does show that when you're objective and you think about someone else, it kinda takes you out of that habit of talking to yourself the way that you do. K? So make it objective.

Erica: Think about me. If you start by looking at one of those five things, you can break the pattern of perfection. It's not gonna happen overnight, and it's not just one day gonna poof, be gone and make sense. I mean, remember, these are patterns that we have put into place over years and years and years. Now you've likely heard or read about my struggle with perfection.

Erica: But if it is your first time on my podcast, it does show up in my form of working out. I talked a little bit about it earlier, but that's because I spent years in the fitness industry. It's not gonna go away in a minute. So when I start to think about those feelings where if I can't get in a whole hour of working out, it's garbage. I stop and I go back to my mantra.

Erica: Some is better than none. Now remember, perfect does not exist. Our conscious mind knows this. Right? Like, our our intellectual mind knows this.

Erica: But now we have to get our brain on the same track. And you can do this today. You can start today. You can break the habit. You can change your thought pattern.

Erica: You change your thought pattern. You can change your life. If you remember, I said perfection was all about the need for control. But we now know that perfectionism really takes away from the control that we were striving for. Now you have the tools to fight against perfectionism.

Erica: Accept that less than perfect is good enough and take messy, imperfect action. So what are you waiting for? Get out there. Take back control. Take that messy action.

Erica: I'm gonna ask you to take some messy and imperfect action today by rating, reviewing, and subscribing to the podcast as it truly helps the podcast expand its reach and land into the hands of someone who needs to hear it today.