Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: I read this the other day on an Instagram account called The Good Quote and y'all, I just had to share it with you. I took a screenshot. I saved it to my phone. It was that great, but it said, a lesson can look a lot like loss. A new beginning can look a lot like a setback.

Erica: Exploration can look a lot like uncertainty, and growth can look a lot like incompetence. Life isn't what happens to us. Life is how we choose to look at what happens to us. Now here's what I've got to say about it. Yes.

Erica: Often lessons do show up as losses and new beginnings feel like setbacks. And yes, exploration does present itself potentially as uncertainty. And growth might present itself as some form of incompetence. But what I do know is, number one, one day we will all have the gift of hindsight. Today just might not be that day.

Erica: And number two, the only way to the other side is through. And when you are going through it, a nice little Instagram post like this, it's not gonna cut it. So how, when you are in the thick of it, when you are going through it, how can you get through it? Y'all, you are listening to the Glass Ceiling and Sticky Floor podcast, the podcast that will empower you to shatter limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities so you can live your best life. I'm Erica Rooney, and I'm on a mission to bring more women into positions of power and keep them there.

Erica: I'm obsessed with all things growth and abundance, and I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear, and burnout. So pull up a seat, pop in an earbud, and let's dive in. Oh my goodness, y'all. I cannot wait to talk about this today.

Erica: And what we are going to talk about and what has been just weighing on my heart is this whole idea that the only way out is through. And y'all, we have to go through some tough stuff to grow. You don't grow unless you're uncomfortable. You don't grow when it's easy. You grow when you're challenged.

Erica: You grow when you face something that you thought was insurmountable. That quote that I read you in the introduction, that lessons that look like losses and new beginnings often look like starting over, y'all that hit deep for me because it's so true. And because so often when those losses hit, all we can focus on is what we are losing. We don't see the possibilities. We don't see what we have to gain from that loss.

Erica: And so think about it. Let me share this with you. I once lost out on a job opportunity that I truly felt should have been mine and I had so many things planned out just on getting that next job. What my future was going to look like, my career path, where I would be traveling. I mean, I had my life map laid out and when I did not get that job, I grieved for a really long time.

Erica: And when I was in the thick of it, all I could see was the closed door. All I could see was the missed opportunities. All I could see was what I was not going to get to do. And everything that I had planned out, everything that I had laid out, it was gone in what felt like an instant. And so think about this too.

Erica: If you're going through a breakup, typically you see it as a loss, all the things that didn't work out. You grieve for what you had hoped and planned for the future, and, again, all of that gone in an instant. And I think that most of us listening here have been through something that does feel as if it totally changed our life trajectory and everything that we had planned in an instant. Now first I want to tell you that you are allowed to go through it. You are allowed to grieve.

Erica: You are allowed to act a fool to a point. You're allowed to feel that loss and those lows. You're allowed to feel uncertainty. But what I will not allow you to do and what you cannot allow yourself to do is to stay there. You are too bright of a light.

Erica: You are too amazing to sit there and wallow in your loss for too long. Because as you're in the thick of it, as you're going through it, on the other side is growth. On the other side is that lesson that will help you navigate the rest of your life. Now, my mother always used to say that time heals all wounds, and here's what my younger self did not understand about that lesson, and that is that small wounds, small hurts, small issues, whatever you wanna call it, those wounds are small. They're like a little scratch.

Erica: You just need a little Neosporin, a little band aid and that's it. But deep wounds, deep wounds leave scars. And those scars, while they may not physically hurt after time, they are always there and they serve as that reminder of what you've gone through. They serve as the reminder of the lesson learned and those scars are there to serve a purpose. They are there to protect.

Erica: They are there to help you grow and they are there to help you move on. So the big question is then, how do you move on? How do you get through it? How do you keep putting one foot in front of the other? Because y'all know.

Erica: We do have to get through it. We have to get to the other side. But the question is how. And y'all, it starts with a simple shift in perspective. When you are in the middle of a struggle, it is so easy to focus on the negatives and all of the reasons why it's not working out and what's not gonna go right for you.

Erica: But if you can give yourself the gentle reminder that you will be okay, that you truly believe, right, you have to believe those reminders, it will help you accelerate this healing process. Let me give you an example. The first time I ever had my heart broken, y'all this was like high school love that I truly thought I was gonna marry this boy, It took me over a year to really be okay with that, to accept it and move on. And, actually, if I'm honest, it might have taken me longer than that, but that was because it was something I had never experienced before. I didn't know what the recovery looked like.

Erica: I didn't know that I could survive that, but once I did, the second time my heart was broken, it's not that it hurt any less. Let me be clear. It was devastation station, but I had proof that I could get through it. I had proof that I could survive it. And my mantra became, you have survived one broken heart, you can survive another.

Erica: And I knew, I knew deep in my bones that I would be okay eventually. Did it suck? Hell yeah. I remember crying myself to sleep, acting irrationally at times, sending those rage texts, doing all the things that is quite embarrassing to be honest, and wondering if I would ever find someone to love me the way that I deserved to be loved, but I knew deep in my bones that I would survive it and I would be okay. So for me, in these instances of heartbreak, I had to start with a shift in my perspective.

Erica: I had to assure myself that if not this one, then someone else, that if this man wasn't to be my person, then surely it was taking me one step closer to whoever that person would be. And guess what? It did. Through a lot of trial and error, through a lot of heartbreaks, you know, not just these two, I did get to have my person. So what I'm saying is, when you are going through it, be that in a bad relationship or a really tough job situation, instead of viewing it as a loss, as a setback, view it as an opportunity.

Erica: Now according to psychologist Carol Dweck, she says that when you adopt this growth mindset, this shift in perspective, the belief that your abilities of intelligence and recovery and your ability to move through it can help you embrace the struggles. It can help you embrace challenges. It can help you learn from the situation. And when you start to see that shift, the growth starts to come a lot easier. You start to move through it, whatever it is, and you start to do it faster.

Erica: But you also have to seek support and y'all this is a really important step. Number one, we are not meant to go through this life alone. Right? Reach out to your friends, your family. Reach out to a mentor who can offer you guidance and support, a therapist.

Erica: Right? When you are not able to pick yourself up off that floor of despair, off that floor of frustration or negativity, when you cannot see the way out, find someone who can lift you up. Find someone who can shine a flashlight for you to give you that glimmer of hope. Life is not meant to be gone through alone. We are community creatures and we can share lessons with each other.

Erica: When I was not able to understand the survival of heartbreak, I had friends and family members, my own mother who'd been divorced and remarried, who said that, yes you can survive and I can show you how. They can provide you the hope that you cannot yet find, that you cannot yet envision. They can be there to lift you up when you cannot do it yourself. And I cannot stress enough. I cannot stress enough that you are there to lean on your community and let them remind you of your strength when you cannot see it yourself.

Erica: And then also, the best way to get through some tough stuff is to actually just take action. Y'all, seriously, proactive steps, planning. No matter how small those steps are, they can get you through the tough times because you start to move through it by actually taking action. So I want you, if you're in it, if you're going through it, to create a plan and I want you to set these small achievable goals that can help you regain a sense of control when you feel so out of control. So again, going back to my story of heartbreaks, when I was going through it, I set other goals for myself to help me get through it so that I wasn't only focused on the negativity.

Erica: I started focusing on my physical health by going to the gym, by eating healthy, all of those things I could control. So I would go to bed that night and I would say to myself, okay, Erica, in the morning, this small step you're gonna take, you're gonna set your alarm, you're gonna get up and you're gonna get dressed, and you're gonna go to the gym. And that was it. That was all I had set for myself. And if I could do those three things and get myself to the gym and just walk on the treadmill or just stretch, that was enough, you know?

Erica: And then after I gained a little momentum there, I got my ass back on the dating websites, whatever was available. Back then, I think it was like eHarmony. That was the only one, and I started going on dates. You know, full transparency, in hindsight, I probably really wasn't ready to go on dates, but it was part of me taking action and going through it and learning the lessons that I needed to learn so that I could find my person and be the very best version of myself when I did. Now if we look at this idea of job loss or a tough job situation, you can take control by taking small steps like updating your LinkedIn profile, applying for new jobs, networking.

Erica: Take control by getting a coach and talking with them about how you can grow professionally. Join a mastermind. Now as the saying goes, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And as I say, every step isn't always in the right direction, but it is a step forward. And last but not least, I want you to really embrace this practice of self compassion.

Erica: And I talk a lot about self compassion on this podcast, but you have to be kind to yourself. I do not want to hear any negative self talk about how stupid you are, how you should have done x, y, and z, if you were only good enough, smart enough, or talented enough. No. Uh-uh. Screw that because, girl, you are enough just as you are.

Erica: So wherever you are in this journey of going through it, whether you are just going through that heartbreak, that loss, that thing, do not talk bad about yourself. Do not berate yourself for what you could have done differently. Give yourself grace. There is so much power in acknowledging your feelings without judgment, but you have to treat yourself with the same compassion y'all that you would treat your bestie. Now research by doctor Kristin Neff has shown that self compassion can significantly improve your emotional resilience and your well-being.

Erica: And I've talked about her work quite a bit on this podcast, and y'all, she's got a really great self compassion workbook slash journal that you can check out. I will drop the link for it in the show notes if you wanna check it out on Amazon. But self compassion is the key to moving through it. So just for a quick recap, when you're in it, when you're going through it, be that your job, your marriage, a difficult family relationship, trust. Know deep in your bones.

Erica: Believe that the only way out is through. You have got to go through the icky stuff to experience the great stuff. You cannot know happiness without sadness. You cannot know light without the dark. You cannot know joy without a bit of sorrow.

Erica: And you certainly cannot appreciate the emotions and the feelings of happiness and joy without knowing sadness and sorrow. Now remember, life is not about avoiding difficulties, but it is about learning and growing from them. That's why we're here. Every challenge you face, it's an opportunity for strength to build your resilience and your wisdom. You are capable of amazing things, and the only way to uncover your true potential is to go through the hard stuff.

Erica: So, if you can, start with a simple shift in your perspective. Even if it is as small as repeating, Better days are coming. Better days are coming. Reminding yourself of that can give you hope. Then grab your friend, grab your mentor, your bestie, your therapist, get support.

Erica: Talk it out. Commiserate over a mocktail and some ice cream and then make your damn plan. Take control of your life and then take that first step, because what we all know to be true is that the only way out is through. Y'all, thank you so much for listening. I hope you found value in today's episode.

Erica: If you have not already dropped that five star review, do it today. It really helps it land in the hands of the woman that needs to hear it most. And don't forget, hop on over to all of my socials, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, TikTok, and y'all, exciting, exciting news. My YouTube channel is live. You can see all the things there, my speaker reel, other educational videos that I put up there, like, about climbing the ladder and how to build emotional resilience.

Erica: So go over there, subscribe to the channel, like the videos that you find impactful, and remember, until next time, the only ceilings that exist are the ones we place over ourselves. Let's smash the room together.