Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Stepping Stone podcast. Today, I want to talk about tall poppy syndrome. Have you ever heard of this?

Erica: So I certainly had not. And honestly, I cannot remember where I heard it, but I jotted it down in my notes app on my phone, and I wanted to go back to research it. So I'm gonna call it TPS for short because it's a lot to say, but TPS occurs when a person's success causes them to be attacked, resented, or criticized. It's cutting them down, devaluing their achievements by suggesting that they didn't deserve the attention. And this, unfortunately, can discourage them from striving for future achievements that might attract attention to themselves.

Erica: So it kinda sounds like, oh, Sharon just really had good luck there, but it looks like someone pointing out minor errors or excluding them for a particular group or really just being mean and cutting down their success. So it has been shown to affect mostly women, and a 2018 report that investigated TPS in Canadian workplaces found that nine out of 10 of those surveyed, again, mostly women, felt that their achievements were undermined in the workplace. It's a behavior that both men and women are equally likely to engage in both as colleagues and as people leaders. And even half of those that participated reporting that their friends had cut them down at some point. Now what's interesting, though, is only one in ten acknowledged that they had done this to others.

Erica: So this leads me to believe that either a, they're unaware that they're even doing this and that they're the impact that their words have on others or b, they're a bit ashamed of themselves. But TPS can cause and exacerbate this general loss of confidence. It can cause substance abuse, insomnia, anxiety, and depression, and it can also manifest physically in the form of headaches or digestion problems. And the worst symptom of all, if you ask me, is it's being reported that people hold back their true potential to avoid being cut down by others. Like not applying for a promotion, not getting out there and hustling, and not speaking up about an amazing idea or opportunity for fear of criticism and being cut down.

Erica: So TPS, it's not a term that you're going to commonly hear in The US. It is most frequently used in Australia. But in The US, you're gonna hear it more like they cut them down. They're criticizing. They're gaslighting.

Erica: In Japan, there's the similar common expression, which is the nail that sticks up gets hammered, and I loved that one. The visual is just so powerful. But TPS actually gets its name from a story about king Tarquin the proud, an ancient Roman tyrant who apparently had a son named Sextus who was infiltrating the leadership in a neighboring city. And he went to his father, and he's like, what do I do next? But without saying a word, Tarquin turned, walked into his garden, and cut the head off the tallest poppies with his sword.

Erica: So Sextus took that to mean that he should destroy the leading aristocrats of the city, which he did, and then Rome easily overtook that city. So that's kind of where it came from, but it refers to the expectation that poppies, that beautiful flower, should grow together. And if one grows too tall, it's cut down to size. It is also going to mean that you may cut someone down who thinks differently or acts differently than most people or someone who might be seen as eccentric, which is interesting because in America, TPS doesn't have the same prominence. Right?

Erica: It seems that individualism is highly valued here. Whereas in Australia, nearly 70% of people that were surveyed said they believed Australians regard ambition as a negative trait. Many believe that this stifles innovation and creativity, which I would 100% agree with. So there's actually a ten minute video on YouTube. I'm going to link it in the show notes.

Erica: I'll post it on my Instagram and my Facebook, but it was created by the makers of the Muppets in February that tries to send a different message about TPS. So it's really cute. If you've got ten minutes, head to my pages, click the link, go watch it. Now while culture in America may value individualism more and seem to embrace diversity, those who do suffer from TPS typically are those in marginalized groups. You guessed it.

Erica: Women, people of color, LGBTQ plus, and especially women who are people of color or women who are in the LGBTQ plus community. So it's typically prevalent in work cultures that don't celebrate or recognize the success of others, and it's more centered on that cutthroat mentality. Now there's a hue a whole thing about TPS in the workplace and what do you need to do to combat that. I will cover that in a different episode. But right now, I really wanted to focus on what do you need to do.

Erica: Right? What are the causes of TPS, and what can you do? So to jump right in, what causes TPS? Why do people do that? So TPS feels like envy.

Erica: It feels like low self esteem. It feels like resentment. It feels like fear. Those are all root causes of TPS. Now envy tends to be directed towards people that we compare ourselves with.

Erica: Right? We are looking at them. It's jealousy. It's all of those things regardless of whether or not we are actually in competition with them. So it's an emotion that we often try to hide because it's connected with feelings of shame.

Erica: I am not enough. I am not doing enough. I will never be enough. And people who really struggle with envy, self esteem, resentment, and fear may lash out in the form of tall poppy syndrome. So what can you do about it if you are a victim of tall poppy syndrome?

Erica: Let's say you're rocking and rolling. You're doing all the things. You're focused on growth and gains, and, wham, you get whacked down by someone who's cutting you down and belittling your success and hard work. That is the worst. It's the worst feeling, but I have some key things that you can do to fight off TPS.

Erica: So first, bring it inward. Focus on your own personal reasons for doing your best. Check-in with yourself. Do you feel proud? Do you feel good about what you're doing?

Erica: Give yourself that pep talk that you would have given a trusted friend. So sometimes you have to be the one to encourage yourself. Try not to allow the voices of others to creep into your thoughts if they're not productive. Right? So I am somebody who I struggle with the sticky floor of judgment of others, which to me really kind of translates sometimes into tall poppy syndrome, sometimes not.

Erica: Right? But the best quote that I connect with is what others think of you is not your business. So if you're out there rocking and rolling, doing all the things, and someone is trying to cut you down, that's not your business. It's everything to do with them. It is nothing to do with you.

Erica: Next, and this is my favorite one, get up with your hype guy, gal, or binary pal. Get them on speed dial. Let them validate what a boss you are. We all need that someone that can hype us up and set us straight so that we can do amazing things sometimes when we don't believe it ourselves. So one story that I love to share is when I did a three sixty feedback with my peers, and I received some wonderfully positive feedback.

Erica: But I also got one piece of feedback that threw me for a loop. And it's interesting because from that three sixty degree feedback, this is the only piece that I remember. But it basically said that sometimes I am too much. I'm a little too extra that I would be good to, quote, tone it down a bit. Excuse me?

Erica: I'll be honest. Like that shut out all the other amazing feedback that I received, and I started immediately second guessing myself. I started immediately thinking like, okay. If I'm gonna be successful, I've gotta tone it down. I was super self conscious, and it was just icky.

Erica: And then I talked to actually my mom about it, who pretty much said, like, what the hell? And she helped me realize that was BS. That feedback was all crap because who I am and all of my extra is enough. And it's why I have the role I have. It's why I've been successful to date.

Erica: So my rising success as a young C level leader, it has everything to do with my extra ness and other people don't need to cut me down for that, but some people will, but I'm a keep being extra, just like guacamole. The third thing you can do is setting your boundaries. So this takes a lot of confidence. It takes some practice, but set your damn boundaries. You can let other people know who are cutting you down, but it's not okay.

Erica: So I personally, I love to turn it around. I love to invite them to talk to me so I can show them some of my tips and tricks and ask them, how can I help you? You ever heard the saying you kill more flies with or you catch more flies with sugar than you do with vinegar? So don't flip it and be like them. Continue to be helpful.

Erica: Continue to serve. Right? Sometimes though, you just have to realize you're not gonna change a person or how they respond to you. So you need to set your limits. Avoid interactions with these tall poppy choppers as much as you can, and don't let them dim your light.

Erica: Now, let me ask you this question. Do you sometimes feel like other women are your worst enemy? That the scarcity mindset, like that's one that can plague women, especially in corporate America and other minorities, because we don't see a lot of ourselves at the top or in these, like, successful positions. Right? We're so used to old white men holding those positions.

Erica: So it makes some people feel as if there's only room for one of us at the top. Right? Which leads to that mean girl mentality. But the last thing that I have to say is give gratitude. Have you ever heard kill them with kindness?

Erica: So when you compliment those around you for their successes, it makes it harder for them to make negative comments about you. It helps someone who might be struggling to feel valued, and hopefully, they will start to realize your value too. But I wanna end this very short stepping stone with a news flash. K? One person's gain does not mean that there's less for others.

Erica: We live in a world of abundance, and there is so much room for all of us at the top. As women, we are responsible for doing better. We are responsible for being better. And when we get there, when we are that tall poppy, we need to make sure that we are allowing sunlight to get to others so that we can all grow tall. So turn around, reach back, and lift others up.

Erica: Be the tall poppy y'all. Thanks for listening.