Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone. What's up, everyone? I wanted to drop in here on this stepping stone and I wanted to cover self advocacy. If you've been following along, one of my recent episodes covered self advocacy as a sticky floor, and that can look very different for everyone. And it also takes on different forms when you are thinking about how are you advocating for yourself in your personal life, with your friendships, your relationships with your spouse or your partner, and then also in the professional world.

Erica: So what does self advocacy mean? It means you're able to tell people your thoughts and your feelings. You can ask for what you need when you need it, that you know what your rights are. So the legal world, guys, you can speak up for yourself, that you are able to make choices and decisions for yourself that will affect your life. And, yes, I'm going to pull in Roe versus Wade here and what's going on in the world today and setting boundaries.

Erica: Right? Another big keyword in the world, letting others know what you will and will not accept, how you will and will not be treated, and what you will and will not tolerate from others. Simply put, it's teaching people how to treat you. It's communicating all of the things and helping other people understand how they can support you. A lot of people really equate this to just simply standing up for yourself yourself or speaking up, and it is, but it's so much more than that.

Erica: Self advocacy is critical, guys, to healthy relationships, your long term success, and your overall happiness. But we know that it's easier said than done. Right? It can be super uncomfortable if you aren't great yet at speaking up for yourself, but it is a skill that you can develop. It's a muscle you can grow by consistently exercising it.

Erica: Now, in one of my episodes where I talk about mental health, I talk a little bit about the human giver syndrome, which is coined by Amy and Emily Nagoski. If you haven't listened to that stepping stone yet. But it's where we put all of our energy into creating comfort for others, but we don't do it for ourselves. And oftentimes, this is when we stop advocating for ourself and for what we need. It can be super uncomfortable to say no to your boss, and I get it.

Erica: Sometimes it feels easier to just agree to do something that your spouse asks of you rather than getting into huge long debate about it. But every time that you pass at that moment to advocate for what you need, for what you want, you end up stretching yourself too thin. You work too much, you take on too much, and you're chipping away at your happiness. So what does it look like? I know it can be hard, right?

Erica: You might be afraid of being rude or disrespectful. You don't wanna seem offensive, you know, or you're worried that someone might not like you or think less of you if you don't stand up for yourself and self advocate. But here's the thing, guys. You deserve to advocate for yourself and for what you need. So if you're advocating for yourself at work, here are some kinda these are gonna be some ways that it looks like.

Erica: Right? You might ask your boss to help develop you professionally. Right? Invite you to meetings that you may not need to sit in on, but that might help you understand how the business operates better. You could ask your leaders what their expectations and priorities of you are.

Erica: You can ask your leader, what do I need to deprioritize if they want you to take on an additional project and you are already stretched too thin? When you're advocating for yourself in a friendship, it could be holding your ground if a friend is pressuring you to do something that you don't really wanna do, like maybe go to a party when, you know, you really just wanna go home and go to sleep, you know, or slamming a few extra drinks when you're trying to abstain. It could look like pushing back when something that was said, maybe just in a conversation doesn't really seem called for or fair. You know, we've all been there. And advocating for yourself in a marriage might be asking for what you need when you're feeling overwhelmed by saying, you know, I'm feeling overwhelmed with a housework.

Erica: Can we talk about the division of chores this weekend? Or if you're feeling disconnected, say it. I am feeling disconnected from you lately. Can we spend more one on one time together this weekend doing something? Or on the flip side, maybe you're asking for quiet alone time when you need to recharge because you've had so much together time.

Erica: Now, when I first started on this journey of putting myself out there, starting my podcast and kind of figuring out everything that went along with it, I couldn't assume that my husband knew what I needed. And I don't know that I knew what I needed, but I think time has shown again and again that he's not a mind reader. So I really needed to think it through and I needed to ask him. And I have to continue to ask. He's not in my head.

Erica: He doesn't know what's going on up there, and he also hasn't done this. So he doesn't know the best way to support me. Sometimes just listening to me when I'm talking about how excited I am about the latest sessions that I've had or my frustrations when one of one of them doesn't really turn out the way I thought it would. Sometimes it's getting busy with the kids outside of the house so that I can plan out my next stepping stone or record it. But whatever that need is in the moment, I have to advocate for it.

Erica: What's funny is I tend to be very skilled at advocating for myself in the workplace. You know, I ask for the feedback, which is something that I have, you know, understood about myself that I need and crave. I ask for mentorship from others. I'm not afraid to reach out on LinkedIn, but I suck at asking for it from or asking for it at home. You know, I have this tendency where I want to do it all and I want to do it all my way, and I don't wanna inconvenience others, which really burns me out.

Erica: And it's also quite ridiculous because that's why, you know, you engage in a partnership is so you could continue to support each other. But again, this, whole podcast here, guys, is about sticky floors, and that's one of mine. And communication is honestly it's hard y'all, and advocating for yourself can be even harder. The good news is that the more that you do it, the easier those conversations become, the more natural they become, you know, the more receptive your manager will become, your friends will become, and your partner will become. You start to learn about yourself more.

Erica: You start to recognize what those needs are and when you need them most. Now, if this is an area where self advocating is really hard, I would say start small. You know, ask your husband to get the kids in bed so that you can have a night to relax, you know, with a good book or talk to your boss maybe about some potential trainings that could help you further your career. But just know it's not going to change overnight. Remember, it's a muscle.

Erica: The more you do it, the easier it will become. The more others will understand and respect your boundaries that you set, you know, and when they do cross them, because your boundaries will be crossed, you will have that muscle built up that self advocacy muscle built up. So start training today, start small, ask for what you need when you need it and do it today. So what are you gonna do? I wanna hear from you.

Erica: Drop a pin in my Instagram, somewhere on Facebook. Let me know how you did something to advocate for yourself today.