Updated: Aug 27, 2022
How you can start stepping up & standing up for yourself to help you achieve your #goals.
Let us start with the basics ya'll!
You are able to tell people your thoughts and feelings.
That you are able to ask for what you #NEED and what you want.
That you know what your #RIGHTS are - and you can speak up for yourself.
That you are able to make choices and decisions for yourself that affect your life!
It means SETTING #BOUNDARIES - letting others know what you will and will not accept, how you will and will not be treated, and what you will and will not tolerate from others!
Simply. Put- it's teaching people how to treat YOU. It's communicating all the things and helping them understand how they can support you.
Many people think it's about standing up for yourself or speaking up for yourself - And it IS - but it's sooo much more.
But we know, that is easier said than done right?
It can be SUPER uncomfortable if you aren't great at speaking up for yourself. BUT This is a #SKILL that you can DEVELOP! It is a muscle that you can grow by consistently exercising it! In my Stepping Stone Episode where I talk about Mental Health - I talk about "Human Giver Syndrome" which is coined by #Amy and #Emily #Nagowski- which is where we put all our energy into creating comfort for others, but we don't do it for ourselves - and often times - This is when we STOP ADVOCATING FOR OUR SELF AND FOR WHAT WE NEED. It can be super uncomfortable to say NO to your boss - and I get it - sometimes it feels easier to just AGREE to do something your spouse asks of you rather than getting into a huge discussion about it - but every time that you pass up that moment to advocate for what you need and what you want, you end up stretching yourself too thin - working too much - and chipping away at what makes you happy.
So what does advocating for yourself look like? I KNOOOOOW - sometimes it can be HARD! You might be afraid of being rude, disrespectful, offensive or worried that someone might not like you or think less of you - but here is the thing - you DESERVE to advocate for yourself and what YOU need.
Advocating for yourself at work may look like this:
Ask your employer to help develop you professionally.
You can ask your leaders what their expectations and priorities of you are -
Ask your leader "What can I deprioritize" when they add more work to your plate if you are already slammed.
Advocating for yourself in friendship could be:
Holding your ground when a friend is pressuring you to do something you don't really want to do - maybe a party you don't want to go to when you know you need to rest, or slamming a few extra drinks when you are trying to abstain.
Pushing back when something that was said doesn't seem called for or fair.
Advocating for yourself in your marriage might look like this:
Asking for what you need when feeling overwhelmed by saying "I am feeling overwhelmed with the housework - can we talk about the division of chores this weekend?"
When you are feeling disconnected: SAY IT - "I'm feeling disconnected from you lately - can we spend more 1:1 time together this weekend doing something?"
Or on the flip side - Ask for the quiet alone time when you need it to recharge.
When I first started on THIS journey - of starting my #podcast and figuring out everything that went with it - I couldn't assume my husband knew what I needed _ (I think time and time again has shown THAT to be true) so I had to ask. And I have to continue to ask - he isn't in my head, and he also hasn't done this, so he doesn't know the best way to support me. Sometimes it's just listening to me excited about the latest sessions I have completed, or my frustrations when one doesn't turn out well - sometimes it's getting busy with the kids outside of the house so I can plan out my next "stepping stone" - but whatever that NEED is in the moment - I have to ADVOCATE for it. What is funny is I tend to be VERY skilled at advocating for myself in the workplace - I ask for feedback (which is something I need and crave ) I ask for mentorship from others - but I SUUUUCK at asking for it at home. I have the tendency to want to do it all and to do it all MY WAY - which burns me out.
#Communication ALONE is hard ya'll - and advocating for yourself can be even harder. The good news is that the more you do it- the easier those conversations become. You even start to LEARN yourself more. You start to recognize what those needs are and when you need them most. So start small. Ask your husband to get the kids in bed so you can have a night to relax in a bubble bath with a good book - or talk to your boss about potential training that you could take to further your career.
Just know - it's not going to change overnight- but self-advocacy is a muscle - and it's one you can start training today.
Pick one thing today - comment below and let me know! What are YOU doing today, to advocate for your damn SELF!