Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have HER Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. HER Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, handling hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career and life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside HER Collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: No one knew that I was struggling. Because if I am really honest with myself, I didn't even know how much I was struggling. Sure, there were signs, but I got really good at ignoring them.

Erica: And I got really good at covering up the stress, the uncomfortable emotions, and the burnout that I was facing. But not today. Because why? Because this is the one hundredth episode of the podcast. And this is the day I typically drop interviews with brave, successful, smart, and awe inspiring women who share their sticky floor stories out loud.

Erica: So today, I'm flipping the script. I'm gonna share my sticky floor story with you. I'm gonna be as open and truthful as possible because that is what the other women on this show have done. But for me to tell you my story, this isn't easy for me. In fact, it's really hard.

Erica: It feels shameful, and it feels so, so, so, so uncomfortable. But courage is one of my core values, and this is me staying true to myself and sharing with you what has kept me stuck for so long. So without further ado, you are listening to the one hundredth episode of the podcast that empowers women to get seen, get heard, and get promoted. I'm your host, Erica Rooney, and I have made it my mission to help you break free from the sticky floors, those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors, to bust through the glass ceiling.

Erica: I'm obsessed with all things growth and abundance, and I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear, and burnout. So pull up a seat, pop in an earbud, and let's dive in to my very own sticky floor story. The singer Demi Lovato wrote a song called This Is Me that captures how I felt perfectly. She says, I'm not a stranger to the dark.

Erica: Hide away, they say, because we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars. Run away, they say, no one will love you as you are. One of the most shameful and heart wrenching pieces of my story is having my husband tell me that he would leave me if he had to.

Erica: And he isn't the type of man to ever run away. That's one of the reasons I married him. He's loyal. He loves through hard times and he does not give up, run away, or cheat when things aren't rainbows and sunshine. But I had pushed him to his breaking point. And as he's telling me this, I'm buzzed out of my mind. On the outside,

Erica: I had it all. Beautiful marriage, two healthy and crazy fun kids, and a beautiful home. And I was that mom doing it all. Carpool, Valentine's on Valentine's Day, school teacher gifts, all the things. I had a perfected fitness routine, a high powered job that had status, and an Instagram worthy life. Except it wasn't. My sticky floor, or floors, is that I struggle to let others see me struggle. I'm a positive person by nature and I hate dwelling on the negative, and I took it to the extreme. Sick? Oh, it's not that bad. I'll be fine.

Erica: Sad? Oh, it could be worse. I should be grateful. Stressed? No, no, no, it's fine.

Erica: I got this. I could push away the struggle with a flip of the wrist when talking to anyone. And then I would internalize that struggle. I took on all of the responsibilities of being a good wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, and mom without allowing anyone to see any of the pieces that weren't perfect. I don't know why I care so much about what other people think of me.

Erica: And it's a sticky floor that remains present in my life today. And I do my best every single day to work through it. The problem with caring so much about what others think and never letting them see the cracks in your life means you shoulder all the pain, all the hurt, all of the hardship by yourself. And the weight of it is heavy. When you continue that pattern, it becomes crushing.

Erica: And I was crumbling under the weight of unrealistic expectations that only I was putting on myself. But I thought what I had was a pretty good bandaid solution, and that solution was wine. I found that this sweet elixir allowed me to set down those struggles. If just for one night, it allowed me to breathe easier, to sink into relaxation, and to temporarily forget about the stressors of my job. And also, everyone else was doing it.

Erica: So why not me? I come from a family of drinkers. We have never had a reason not to drink. Celebrating, have a drink. Grieving, have a drink. Boyfriend broke up with you? Definitely have a drink. What I didn't realize is that over time I was solidifying these neural pathways in my brain that believed alcohol was the true fix for life's stressors. And boy,

Erica: oh boy, was I stressed. But life doesn't stop when you're stressed. And when you're someone who doesn't ask for help, doesn't show the struggle, and wants to keep the facade of this picture perfect woman doing it all, you just keep going.

Erica: And the weight keeps crushing you down. I found myself reaching for the wine more and more and more. And it became an every night event. And I say event because it was never one glass. I wasn't drinking like a normal person.

Erica: I was guzzling wine because I was chasing that feeling of relaxation, that feeling of lightness that I never experienced during the day. And I started waking up at 3 AM with my heart racing, filled with regret. I'd swear to myself that today would be the day I wouldn't drink and I would be right back on track. My beloved fitness routine that I prided myself on became a form of punishment. As I slogged through a run, it was also a way that I convinced myself that my drinking wasn't that bad because I was still fit.

Erica: See, I'm running five miles. But I kept going. Some of that was just me and the patterns I had crafted for myself over time. That if I was perfect, I would be loved. Some of it was the hustle culture of work. Some of it was the unrealistic expectations of society to be the perfect mom, wife, and executive. But mostly it was the unrealistic expectations I had put on myself.

Erica: No one asked me to be perfect. No one asked me to have all of the answers. So why did I feel compelled to have them all? Now, I'm sure there are some deeply rooted reasons and don't you worry, I go to therapy and we dig through all that mess together.

Erica: But some of it's just me. It's just who I am. And in the intro to this podcast, I talk all about the different sticky floors. Imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear, and burnout. Check, check, check, check.

Erica: I had them all. I was experiencing them all, which is a recipe for disaster. I wasn't just on a track to hit a wall. I was on the track to bust through the wall and run straight off a cliff into a fiery pit of despair if I didn't stop and take stock of my life.

Erica: So after a particularly stressful and emotional day, I did what I'd always done. And I drank to cover up that imposter syndrome, the perfectionism that I was failing at, the fear, and the burnout. And my husband was done. And in a last ditch effort to save our marriage and to save me, he called in my family to help. You see, he did for me what I could not do for myself. He exposed my struggles.

Erica: He exposed my weaknesses. He ripped back the curtain of the Instagram worthy life, and he shared all of my flaws. And I was devastated. I felt ashamed. I had never in my life felt so vulnerable. It quite literally felt as if I was standing on the side of the road, totally naked and exposed, with a huge sign that said, look at me, I'm a mess.

Erica: I'm a fraud. But here is what I know now. When you expose those sticky floors, they no longer hold any power.

Erica: When you expose the truth, your own struggles, the chains that are holding you down loosen and the shackles unlock. And you know what? Nobody loved me any less. In fact, I experienced their love even more. They showed up and not just helped me pick up the pieces of my life.

Erica: They held them together when I could not. And while it was hard, while I was embarrassed and ashamed, all they did was love and support me. I believe that these three things saved my life and my marriage. Number one, straight up giving up alcohol for good. Two, a damn good therapist.

Erica: And three, the love and support of my family. And those are the three constants in my life today. It is the magic recipe that allows me to show up as my true self, imperfections and all. I am now that perfect mom, wife, and business woman that I have always strived to be, because perfection is found in the imperfect. Many people who I'm very close to might be surprised if they listened to this episode, quite honestly, because it's not a story that I shout from the rooftops.

Erica: It isn't exactly dinner table conversation. And it's certainly not my proudest moment, but it is probably one of the most important moments in my life. Now, one of the most important lessons that I have learned from doing this podcast over the last 99 episodes is that every one of us has a sticky floor story. That struggle, hurt, and pain are all universal. That all moms wonder if they're doing enough.

Erica: I've learned that all marriages involve fights and that failure is inevitable. And I've learned that forty nine percent of US workers are struggling with substance abuse and alcohol. There are all pieces of us that we keep tucked away and cloaked in darkness. But I have learned that when we share our sticky floor stories, we are no longer alone. Now I am so grateful for this podcast and the amazing women who shared their stories, but with every story that has been shared, I have found a piece of myself in them.

Erica: And it gave me the courage to share mine with you. I'm a work in progress. These sticky floors, they still show up again and again, but because I do the work, because I am aware of these sticky floors, I can take them on. Now, Demi Lovato said it best. Another round of bullets hits my skin.

Erica: Well, fire away today, because I won't let the shame sink in. We are busting through the barricades and reaching for the sun. This is what we have become. When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. This is brave.

Erica: This is bruised. This is who I'm meant to be. This is me. This is also mental health month. It is so important to talk about our mental health struggles.

Erica: If you are feeling alone, if you are struggling, please reach out. There is so much support out there if you just let it in. And remember, you are already enough and you are becoming more. I got you.