Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have HER Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. HER Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, handling hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career and life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside HER Collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: You know that feeling when you wake up one day and you realize that you haven't done any of the things that you wanted to do in life? Maybe you're lying there in bed, willing yourself to just get up and do all of the things that you've committed yourself to doing, but you're filled with this feeling of dread because it's nothing that you actually want to be doing. Today, we're gonna talk about the midlife crisis. And I think the midlife crisis comes around for people who've been living what I call the checklist life.

Erica: This is the life that is all about the societal expectations, those expectations of others. You know, going to school, getting a job, getting married. Check, check, check. And then one day, you wake up and realize all of these things that you're supposed to be doing, that you're supposed to be thrilled about, aren't fulfilling you. They aren't making you happy. Well, I do have good news. You don't have to go through a midlife crisis to realize you aren't living the life you want.

Erica: You can start making changes right now, and that's exactly what we're gonna talk about today. You are listening to the podcast that empowers women to get seen, get heard, and get promoted. I'm your host, Erica Rooney, and I have made it my mission to help you break free from the sticky floors, those limiting beliefs, and toxic behaviors, to bust through the glass ceiling. I'm obsessed with all things growth and abundance.

Erica: And I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here. Imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear, and burnout. So pull up a seat, pop in an earbud, and let's dive in. Why do we end up living our lives for the expectations of others?

Erica: Well, there's a few reasons. First of all, we're taught from a young age that pleasing others is important. We're told to be good boys and girls, to listen to our parents, our teachers, follow the rules, and then if we do all of those things, everyone around us is happy, and then we're rewarded. We're also taught from a young age that if we go to school, if we get the good grades, that we're gonna get into a good college, and that is essential to having a good life. That once we get out of college, we do the relationship and life checklist, get the solid job that will provide stability, find a nice person to get married, settle down in suburbia, and do that whole family thing.

Erica: This is painted as the picture of happiness. And for many people, that is, and that's great. But here's where it gets tough. Because once you do all of that checklist living, you actually have to live out that life. Once you settle into the middle and the mundane and life quiets down, you might start to feel that itch that you never quite got around to scratching.

Erica: Maybe you never wanted to be a project manager, but you fell into that career, and you never stopped long enough to ask yourself if that was really what you wanted to do. Maybe you really enjoy building things with your hands, but your parents always told you that a nice office job was the way to go, so you never explored it. Or maybe you realize somewhere in your thirties or forties or fifties that you love yoga. In fact, you love it so much, you might wanna teach it. But you don't take those steps to get started because it just doesn't fit into your life.

Erica: So you take that emotion, you take that idea, and you shove it way down deep. So here's a good question for you. When we think of midlife crisis, why do we always think of this old man running out to the car dealership and dropping a ton of money on a red convertible with his gray hair just flapping in the breeze? You know that's the visual that you have when I say midlife crisis. It's because those men who go out there and do that, they are looking for that thing to give them happiness.

Erica: And you know what? Riding in a convertible on a beautiful day sounds like a recipe for happiness to me. It isn't always about this idea of being young again, but it's about finding that feeling of freedom that you felt when you had your entire life before you. So what can we do about this? Well, if you're having a midlife crisis, just hold on a moment.

Erica: Don't go running out and drop all that cash for a convertible, because that will not buy you the long term happiness you are looking for. I've got the recipe for getting out of or totally avoiding that midlife crisis. It's not easy, and it is probably going to be very uncomfortable for you. But that's the thing. The most rewarding things in life are usually preceded by the things that are the most challenging.

Erica: So buckle up because I'm about to tell you what you need to do. First, you have to figure out what you want. You have to figure out what will make you happy and give you a feeling of fulfillment in your life, because you have to start living life for yourself, not for other people. Once you know what you wanna do, how you want to live, and what brings you happiness, you can start taking action and taking the steps to make it happen. Sounds easy.

Erica: Right? But that thing you never did, it might scare you a little bit to go after it. Or maybe you did all the things you originally set out to do in life, and now you want to do more. But it's scary because doing more requires a new you. It might require you to do things that you've never done.

Erica: It might require you to change your life in ways you never imagined, and that can be super uncomfortable for people in your life who know you just as you are. And that brings me to the next step in breaking free from this midlife crisis. You got to stop caring about what other people think. Now, episode 93, What Others Think of You Is None of Your Business, is the unplanned precursor for this episode.

Erica: You have to stop worrying about what others think of you. This of course is easier said than done. Trust me. It's one of the stickiest floors for me, but it is essential if you want to live a life that is true to yourself. You need to remember that other people's opinions of you are none of your damn business.

Erica: You can't control what they think. So there's no point in trying to please everyone. And besides, they aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are. They're worried about their own day, insecurities, and happiness, not yours. So we gotta figure out how to stop caring about what others think.

Erica: How the hell do we do that? Well, let me be real transparent. If I had all of those answers, I wouldn't continue to find myself stuck in those floors from time to time. But here is what I have learned so far in my own journey. One of the best ways to stop caring about what other people think is to focus on building your own confidence.

Erica: This might mean taking risks, trying new things, and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. But the more you do this, the more you will realize that you are capable of achieving great things on your own terms. So here's how I go about doing it. I test myself in what I call three jumps. The first one is what I call the easy jump.

Erica: If you are in the middle of that midlife crisis, you're searching for that thing that's gonna add fulfillment to your life. What is the smallest jump that you can take towards finding fulfillment? Maybe you feel burnt out and drained in your current job and you wanna explore other possibilities that might give you purpose. What is that small jump that you could take to explore those possibilities? Well, you could talk to a friend or neighbor that has a career that when you first met them and they told you what they did for a living, you thought, dang.

Erica: That sounds so interesting. I never knew people could get paid for that. Y'all, there are all kinds of crazy jobs out there that you would never know people get paid for. There's island caretakers, bed testers, water slide testers, gum taste testers. There's a bingo manager, for god's sake.

Erica: So if it's something that you find interesting and lights you up, it's time to start exploring it. Maybe you just look for job descriptions online in an industry that you've always found fascinating. See, this easy jump is one that involves little to no risk. It's just the exploration of it. And this is the important thing.

Erica: I want you to really pay attention to how you feel when you make this easy jump. Does time seem to just fly by? Do you find yourself wanting to spend more and more time talking about it or reading up on the subject? That's a good sign and you cannot and should not ignore the joy that you feel. That's your gut.

Erica: That's your intuition telling you you're on the right track. Now that should ignite just enough confidence to take that next jump, which is what I call the middle of the road jump. This jump takes more gusto than before, but don't worry because you already know that you are exploring something worth doing. This might actually be applying for a job in a different industry. It might be talking about your exploration with your partner, your best friend, or your mentor, which can be very scary for a lot of people.

Erica: It could be actually signing up and taking that yoga class if it's what excites you and fulfills you. Here's the thing. Only you know what that thing might be, and I'm about to test you even further. Because once you have done that mid level jump, you need to, again, assess that gut. How does this make you feel?

Erica: Do you feel alive? Is it something that you find yourself looking forward to? Is it hard to tear yourself away from? Now when I started this business and this podcast, I had to force myself to stop working every night because of how it was just grabbing my interest and how it was lighting me up. I could not ignore how alive I felt when I was researching the content and writing out outlines and figuring out who I wanted to have on the show.

Erica: It just felt like time was flying by, and that's something that you really need to pay attention to. Now once you get that mid level jump, and maybe you need to do a couple of those to really ramp up your confidence, I want you to plan out what that big jump might be. Not everyone can quit their jobs, sell their home, and travel when they realize exploring all of the corners of the world lights them up. You might have family obligations, kids, aging parents, pets. Most of us do.

Erica: So what could that big jump be? Could it be figuring out how to configure your finances so that you could take four or five big trips a year to places you've never been? Maybe it's starting a travel blog. This might require you though to give up certain comforts that you have in your life. It might require some initial sacrifice.

Erica: So if you're looking to go back to school and get that MBA because you always dreamed of having one, that might be two years worth of late nights and weekends filled with studying. That's time away from family. That's time away from your friends. Okay? But going after your dreams and what lights you up, it's not always going to be an easy path.

Erica: And I'm gonna tell you something else. Not everybody in your life is going to be supportive of you because this will require that you change. You are growing. You are expanding yourself to take up more space and be a bigger and brighter person in the world. And not everyone is okay with change.

Erica: You cannot let them dim your light or your dreams. You have to push through the doubts and the haters. Find your person, find your group that supports you and lifts you up and holds you accountable to take those mid level and big jumps. Those that really matter will get behind you. Now I knew somebody one time that had their group.

Erica: They had their dream of quitting their job and starting their own business, and they told us, I'm gonna quit my job on March 1, 2021. And then when March 1 came around, the whole group held that person accountable saying, did you tell your boss yet? Did you have a conversation? And every time they said no or came up with a reason why it wasn't exactly the right time, we kept asking and held him to his dream, and he finally did it. And now guess what?

Erica: He's a keynote speaker with a six figure business. Look. When I started this podcast, my keynote speaking business, there were a lot of people in my life who asked me why. They wanted to know why I wasn't happy with what I had, and wasn't I already doing enough? The fact was they were worried that I was taking on too much because they were looking at my dreams through their lens.

Erica: They were looking at my goals and desires through their own personal experiences. They didn't see how much it lit me up. They saw the work that I had to put in, because that lighting up, that was what I experienced, not necessarily what they see. Now that I've pushed through that and I've continued to do what lights me up, they now see the passion behind what I do, and they see the why. So stay strong.

Erica: If it lights you up, don't ignore it. And remember, you may have to push through the doubters and the haters in order to pull yourself out of this midlife crisis, but you got this. Now the last thing that I need you to know is it is never ever, ever too late to make changes in your life. Even if you feel like you've wasted years of your life living for other people's expectations, you can still take the steps to turn things around. Y'all know I just saw that Martha Stewart is going to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Erica: Y'all. That's crazy. That's amazing. But you need to figure out what makes you happy. What lights you up?

Erica: You need to start taking those jumps. Build the confidence and repeat those jumps as often as you need to. You need to pay serious attention to what your gut is telling you because it never lies. You just need to listen. Remember, the only way to avoid a midlife crisis or to pull yourself out of one is to start living your life for yourself.

Erica: You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be fulfilled, and you deserve to be just blown away by the life you are living. So take that first jump today. Start living your life on your own terms. I'm so glad that you tuned in today.

Erica: Make sure you follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and all the socials for more content just like this. And one last thing before I let you go, I want you to remember that you are special. You are already perfect, and you are enough and becoming more at the same time.