Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside HER Collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because, honestly, girl, you were never meant

Heather: To do this alone. I got in the car and I started driving and I just started bawling. I wouldn't give myself any advice. I handled that flawlessly. Like, there isn't a I don't wanna go back and do it again.

Heather: That's how hard it was. It was it was so intense after working with these people for fourteen years and traveling with them everywhere and literally having them be a part of my family. It was such a betrayal and a hurt, but I'm just so proud of how I handled it in the moment.

Erica: I'm your host, Erica Rooney, and today's guest is one you do not want to miss. This powerhouse has more than 1,000,000 downloads on her podcast, the Confidence Creator. She is a keynote speaker. She is a founder and a CEO, and she is doing what we like to say on this podcast podcast as all the things.

Erica: Now I'm not gonna spoil her story for you. I'm gonna let her tell you, but she has taken her sticky floor and built an entire empire on top of it. So with that, I welcome the founder and CEO of Boss in Heels, Heather Monahan. Heather, thank you so much for being here today.

Heather: Thanks for having me, Erica.

Erica: Oh my gosh. I personally am fam girling out over here. I love it. But for my listeners who might not know who Heather Monahan is yet, which I would find shocking, but tell us, who is Heather Monahan?

Heather: Oh my gosh. Who is Heather Monahan? I'm a former c suite executive. My background was in corporate America. I was in corporate for over twenty years.

Heather: Reached the proverbial c suite only to ultimately get fired, three weeks after I was named one of the most influential women in radio, which was obviously very unexpected. I had an eighteen month noncompete, nonsolicit, so I couldn't hire anyone from my team, and I couldn't stay in the industry I had expertise in for a year and a half. So I decided to start over and reinvent myself as a rookie author. I wrote and self published my first book, Confidence Creator, in 2018, that trumped Donald Trump for number one in the business biography list the first week it came out, which was, needless to say, shocking to me. That led me to the speaking business because I wanted to sell books, which also ultimately led me to my first TEDx talk, which led me to, launching my speaking career and then, getting appointed to the board of directors of HealthLynked Corporation, signing with HarperCollins leadership and writing my second book, Overcome Your Villains, launching my podcast, Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan, and, and a few other random things in there, I'm sure.

Erica: And also being a mom.

Heather: And also being a mom. Yes.

Erica: Yeah. Absolutely. And one thing that I love, so I have gone through both of your books, is you talk a lot about how just taking the chance on one thing led to another opportunity and a different opportunity. And sometimes what looked like closed doors were at the time, but then opened up for infinite possibility later on. So you tell a lot of really great stories there.

Erica: Tell me a little bit about getting fired, though. We're gonna start at the bottom.

Heather: Yeah. Getting fired was really hard. I had never been fired before in my career. I'm an overachiever. Achiever.

Heather: So to me, it was I was in shock, ultimately. I just I couldn't even believe it. And but then I'm a single mother, so there was also that fear of where is my income gonna come from. I was 43 at the time. And like I said, I was an expert in my field, but I couldn't work in my field anymore.

Heather: So it was one of those moments. Okay. Yeah. I've been really successful, but what if I'm just successful in this arena? What will I do for eighteen months?

Heather: Who's gonna pay my bills right now? It was it was the really scary, petrifying moment for me that ultimately led me to post, I've just been fired. If I've ever helped you, please reach out to me now. And that post went viral. A lot of people that cared about me told me to take it down because they felt like it looked really pathetic that I was, you know, basically showing that I've been fired and I should be hiding that.

Heather: And luckily, thank goodness, I didn't agree with them. I, you know, I thanked them for their concern, of course, but I decided to say I didn't steal anything. I didn't kill anyone. Right? A lady didn't like me.

Heather: That's really what it boiled down to, or she was threatened by me or whatever it is. Right? She didn't want me there. There's nothing wrong with me because somebody didn't want me there. There was, you know, a new person in charge, and she didn't like me.

Heather: So I didn't feel bad about getting fired. Come to find out, I Googled, has anyone successful ever been fired? And JK Rowling was fired. Mark Cuban was fired. Steve Jobs was fired.

Heather: Oprah Winfrey was fired. Ultimately, I decided to see it as I'm in great company. Right? Getting fired is really the turning point or tipping point in your life where you get to set yourself up to take off. So I decided to reframe getting fired and reposition it, and it's paid pretty good dividends since then.

Erica: I love it. And then how did that lead into the Confidence Creator? Because I think that is such an area where women especially struggle is to find the confidence to make the LinkedIn post and put themselves out there, ask for the promotion, ask for the increase.

Heather: Well, you know, first of all, my background from the time I was nine years old until now, I've been in sales my whole career. Right? So if you're not asking for what you want, you're never gonna get it. And you also need to understand rejection is just part of the process. If I'm getting another no, it's getting me closer to the ultimate yes.

Heather: So because that's my background, that part was easy. Taking action and asking is pretty easy for me, Not because I was born that way, because I've been doing it for, you know, thirty eight years or whatever that you know, it's just like anything. If you do it all the time, you get very much used to it that this is, oh, this is the way you operate. You ask for what you want. You raise your hand.

Heather: You throw yourself, you know, into the mix. And if you get told no, you just ask again. Ask a different way. Ask a different person. So it's really my sales background set me up for a lot of success in and around taking action.

Heather: But the ultimate game changer for me is when I put that post up, froggy from the Elvis Duran show tweeted at me, hey, Heather. If I can ever help you, let me know. What I've learned is convert opportunity in the moment. Don't think, oh, I'll get back to them in a couple of weeks. They're gonna move on with their life and forget about you.

Heather: So I immediately responded to him, thanks so much. Yes. I've got a very specific ask. Can you get me on the show? And he had offered.

Heather: Right? He had said, there's anything I can do. So he said, okay. I'll get you on the show. And so he got me on the show.

Heather: And I didn't know necessarily what was gonna happen from going on the show, but I did know this. I had an eighteen month non compete. All the people that I knew were in that industry, I had to leave. So I needed to very quickly scale a community and network outside of the community that I had been in my whole life. So I thought, okay.

Heather: A very fast way to do that would be to get on a show with 10,000,000 people from diverse backgrounds all around the world. Okay. That this could give it could open that door to maybe some possibility outside of my industry. The funny thing was when I got on the show, Elvis is the one that said to me, well, Heather, obviously, you're writing a book. I wasn't writing a book.

Heather: I had never thought about writing a book. I didn't go to school to be a literary person. Right? I was a psych major who got into sales, and that's all I'd ever done. So to me, it seemed so bizarre that he had this conviction and this confidence in me, but I decided to accept it and run with it.

Heather: And I jumped on the plane, and I googled, how do you write a book? And I actually I'm looking over at a bunch of boxes. I just moved recently, and, I saved it. I saved the paper. It just basically says you have to write, and I had just been fired.

Heather: I thought, great. I've got free time. You just have to write and be disciplined. I can do that. And so I just started writing.

Heather: And then after, you know, a few weeks of writing, I decided, okay. If I wanna fast forward this, I need to invest in myself. I need to hire someone that's written 19 books. Right? I need to reach out and then spend some money now to go all in on this.

Heather: And I hired an editor, and once he came on with me, our book was done live and on Amazon within a few months.

Erica: Ugh. I love this story. And in your book, Overcome Your Villains, which is your second book, you say if the mindset piece of it right now is not your favorite piece of it, jump to the action piece. You talked a lot about being an action driven person. I love all the parts.

Erica: I'm very much in the mindset and believing it and visualizing it. Was there ever a time when you were going through the process where you were like, what the hell am I doing?

Heather: Yeah. Every day. Oh my gosh. Every day. They're and it's funny.

Heather: Even still not as much now. I've been doing it now for five years. So it's not you know, my podcast has done very, very well. My speaking's done well. My books have done well.

Heather: So now it's sort of like social proof. Right? You made this list. You're ranking top 10 on Apple. Like, you start checking some boxes and you start saying, okay.

Heather: I think this is working. My revenue might not be where I want it to be yet or my product offering might not be what I want it to be. Right? There's some things that haven't filled in the way that I would like them to. However, because some some of the social proof is out there, you know, which, again, can be by way of testimonials from people impacting people's lives.

Heather: There's so many different ways to figure out. I think I am supposed to be doing this. I think I'm on the right path, but I still question all the time. You know? I really wanted to launch a clothing line, and I tried and it failed.

Heather: And I tried again and it failed. And I tried again and it failed. And I tried again and it failed. And I still feel like I know that's something for me. I haven't figured it out yet.

Heather: So it's like, what do I need to walk away from, or what door have I not opened yet? So there's still this tremendous I mean, lying if I, you know, didn't own that day to day. And some days I wake up, and I think, is all of this even worth it? Like, what am I how does has this not come together in the way that I thought it should have yet? And then every single time I think that it is the universe, it's God.

Heather: I don't know, but I get a message from someone. I will always get a DM on those days that will say, you changed my life. Confidence creator changed my life. Overcome your brilliance changed my life. Your podcast has been game changing life saving for me.

Heather: I always am given a reminder that I'm on that right path and that you know what? When you don't make it about yourself, you make it about your audience and who you can help and making a difference in the world, that's when you just have to let go and say, okay. It's not coming together perfectly. It definitely isn't coming together the way that I thought it would, but I have to have faith because I know I'm making a difference.

Erica: Yeah. That's such a big piece of it too because you're going to hit those roadblocks. And you said it earlier in our talk today that another no is just leading to the yes. But I feel like so many people hit that very first no, and they just give up and they walk away. This isn't for me.

Erica: And it might not be right now. You know? But one of my favorite quotes is that thing that didn't work out for you really worked out for you. And Yeah. But to me,

Heather: I just don't agree. So here's the thing. If I was going to I just it's funny. I do my social media calendar with my social media team once a week, and I just finalize my calendar for the following week, and I wrote a post exactly about this. I pitched myself 100 times for my TEDx talk.

Heather: I was told no 100 times until the hundred and first, and I got it. And that TEDx talk got promoted to TED and translating the six languages, and it's helped so many peep it's like, I was meant to do it. However, if you're gonna be average, you're gonna take the first note, the second note, the third or fourth, and you're gonna walk away. Don't be average. Find a way to be better.

Heather: Be unique. Like, break through the noise, and I'm so grateful. Those reminders to me tell me, I don't ever wanna be average. I wanna find ways to break through. When I know something is on my heart, I know that it needs to come to creation.

Heather: Same thing with my agent. I wrote and rewrote my, book proposal 15 times. When I tell you the amount that's years of work. Money that has $25,000 invested in hiring an editor. Like, the amount of work that I put into getting no's in that situation was very challenging, the amount of time that it took, but it paid off in the end.

Heather: I signed with her, and then we signed with HarperCollins leadership. But I didn't give up after one or two no's.

Erica: No. You absolutely should never give up. My kind of thought process as a process is that it's not for you at that time, whatever that may be. Right? So I love the fact, though, that you just never gave up on it, and you went through it 99, a 100 times to that 101 when you have that thing that is sitting on your heart.

Erica: So I do love that. So let's go back. One thing I wanted to talk about because we have a lot of listeners who are in corporate America is Mean Girls. And this is something that has been weighing on my heart, like, the last couple months because I see it all over corporate America. And you talked briefly before we hit the record button about the difference between corporate and being an entrepreneur.

Erica: So I would love to hear kind of your thoughts about Mean Girls in corporate and then how your life has changed since exiting.

Erica: Hey there, listeners. If you have ever felt like you're stuck in a place, held back by self doubt, perfectionism, or that pesky inner critic, you're not alone. We all face those sticky floors that keep us from reaching the heights we dream of. But guess what? It's time to shatter those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities.

Erica: My book, Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors, is your ultimate guide to smashing through barriers, overcoming limiting beliefs, and stepping into your full potential. This book has been endorsed by none other than the great Mel Robbins, best selling author and motivational powerhouse. It's also been featured in Success Magazine, so you know it's packed with insights that work. Inside, you'll find real life sticky floor stories, practical strategies to help you navigate your own sticky floor moments, and a whole lot of inspiration to keep you climbing. This isn't just a book.

Erica: It's your roadmap to success, confidence, and freedom. Grab your copy of Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors today at www.ericaandersonrooney.com. Whether you're in the boardroom, the classroom, or just starting out, this book is for you because no one, and I mean no one, deserves to stay stuck, no one deserves to feel small, and you have glass ceilings to shatter. Let's do this.

Heather: So I've always faced Mean Girls in the business world my entire career. Whether I was I started in the wine business and then, you know, moved into radio. It didn't matter. There was Mean Girls everywhere. And they were very sneaky, very catty.

Heather: They were never direct. Right? They never walked up to you and said, listen. I can't stand you. Don't want you here.

Heather: Right? It was always that smile and stab you in the back when you walk out where you feel uncomfortable and you start second guessing yourself. Wow. I fear I feel weird around this lady. Like, this is very uncomfortable.

Heather: I wonder what's going on. So what happened was I wasn't my most confident self. I was in the wrong scenarios in the wrong room with the wrong people. Right? And when you're in those environments in the wrong room, with the wrong people, oftentimes, you second guess yourself and start feeling a bit more insecure and doubting yourself.

Heather: That was what was happening to me while I had women that I work with literally setting me up and trying to sabotage me. Very I mean, it's crazy now that I'm out of it to look back at how toxic that environment was. But so often when you're, quote, unquote, succeeding, you're in the c suite. You're making the money. You have the title.

Heather: You know? You're winning all the awards. You just assume, oh, I guess it's supposed to be like this. No. It's not supposed to be like that.

Heather: There's plenty of healthy companies out there in healthy environments. You don't have to settle for allowing yourself to be treated that way. And so I kinda decided, okay. I'm just gonna ignore these people, this really bad behavior. I'm gonna focus on doing an amazing job.

Heather: Everyone will leave me alone as long as I keep killing it, but I was wrong. The more that I would shrink back and ignore bad behavior, the more I was treated poorly. Right? And so, you know, you're kind of creating that environment for yourself. I didn't know it at the time, but I definitely was, and it was horrible.

Heather: And I started losing my hair, and I threw my back out, and I was crying when I was at home at night and, you know, literally leaving for vacations and getting calls on vacay I mean, it was a really toxic environment, and I had just kinda resided myself to, oh, this is what it's like to make it to the c suite in corporate America. I need to, you know, just agree in or succumb to this. What I've found since leaving that company, very specific to that company, was a very toxic culture. Right? And that it happened slowly over time.

Heather: It wasn't like a you know, someone flipped a switch, and I and I'm like, oh, this is horrible now, and it wasn't before. But very quietly, you know, bad behavior was occurring, occurring, so I kept allowing it, allowing it. And then you don't notice when you get fired and you start over on your own, suddenly, great people were showing up for me, people that wanted to help me, that didn't want anything in exchange, that weren't trying to set me up or sabotage me. And what I found is, you know, I lost so many friends from that old, community in the media business that I was in for so long because they were using me. They wanted me for my access, for my title, for the things I could do for them.

Heather: And at first, I remember when they weren't calling me, I was I was crying. I'm thinking, how did I lose all these friends that I was so, you know, great to? And I had an epiphany moment. If they're not calling me when I'm down and out, then they were never my friends when I was on top. And you know what?

Heather: What a gift that I'm being given now to find this out and having this truth revealed to me. And now I you know, starting from nothing as a beginner, rookie author in 2018, I've made incredible relationships and friendships with women in the business that I'm in that are always extending all the bridge to me, trying to help me, trying to take me under their wing. And I just haven't run into that same toxic type of culture, whether it was just so unique to that one company I worked for or maybe, you know, partially to the industry I was in, but it definitely is not the case it with the people I surround myself with now.

Erica: Yeah. I think they exist everywhere. I think there is a subset of women that believe that there's only room for one woman at the top. That's been my personal experience. And what kind of advice would you give to someone who is dealing with a mean girl at work?

Heather: First of all, it depends what the reporting structure is. Right? Because if it's a peer, that's a little bit easier to deal with. And I would deal very directly with someone. You know?

Heather: I would sit down with them. I'd send them a note and say, hey. Can I get on your calendar this week? I wanna have a face to face, not text, not email, face to face conversation with the two of us. And here's what I would ask people to do or be open to doing is go in with a positive attitude that what is your ultimate goal?

Heather: Your ultimate goal is you wanna work in a good environment where you're able to help one another, trust one another, and achieve your goal. Right? Like, that sounds pretty normal and healthy. Well, I'd go in with that attitude to even if you're thinking, now this lady is not gonna sign up for this. She does not like me.

Heather: But at least go in and give it that open communication shot. You be the leader. You be the honest person, and you call out the elephant in the room in a very positive way, not an attacking way. Right? So be really calm.

Heather: Some ways to approach that would be, I'm confused. You know, that's something that I like to lead with. It's not offensive to people. But to honestly say, I'm confused. I really like you a lot.

Heather: I like working with you. However, sometimes you don't respond to my emails. Sometimes, you know, you roadblock me in these situations. Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean. Right?

Heather: Like, be specific. Explain yourself. And when those situations happen, I really don't feel good, and I don't feel like I have a lot of trust with you. Am I reading this wrong? Like, what's going on your end?

Heather: What are you seeing? And try to get that person to empty their glass. Here's the thing. What you might find out is that person might have a spouse that's dying at home or, you know, they might have horrible situations in their life, and they're not even thinking of you. They don't care.

Heather: They hate everybody. And they might tell you that. Oh my gosh. I didn't know this was happening. I'm literally underwater in my life right now.

Heather: I'm miserable. But give someone that chance to at least say if there is some situation. They also might think that you've been attacking them. They might say to you, well, you know what you did two years ago, and then they emptied their glass about an event two years ago that they've been sitting on angry about for two years, and you didn't know you did anything. Right?

Heather: So it can be very beneficial to have a conversation like that. However, I've had conversations like that, and they've gone nowhere because the other person is blank facing you, acting like they have no idea what you're talking about. Everything's fine. Let's, you know, keep it moving. So, you know, you just have to be prepared.

Heather: Don't ever react, though, is the piece of advice I would give people, and this is something I learned later in my career. I wish I had known when I was younger. You always wanna respond with class and just dignity. Right? So you wanna even if it means taking a pause and saying, you know what?

Heather: I'm gonna have to get back to tomorrow on that. Like, get get yourself calm and centered. Don't just react to someone and start flipping it out because that is just that's not who you wanna be. Right? You wanna be that person who's in charge of your emotions.

Heather: So you wanna be classy. You wanna be intelligent. You wanna be thoughtful in your responses even if it means excusing yourself from a meeting and asking for time. But, you know, I have had people, you know, just basically look me in the eyes and lie to me and say, I don't know what you're talking about. I think everything's fine, and I think you're being a bit dramatic right now or something, you know, ridiculous like that.

Heather: And you have to say, okay. I understand. And then I leave a meeting like that, and I say, okay. I led as the best version of myself that I could. I'm proud of myself.

Heather: I did what I could. Now I'm probably gonna have to go over this person's head. If we're peers, I'm gonna have to reach out to the head of HR. I'm gonna have to reach out to that person or my supervisor. I'm gonna have to ask for help because this is not a comfortable situation.

Heather: So that's what I would do is I would ask for help above and beyond a conversation like that, you know, and then say, you know, what is protocol? This person and I obviously uncomfortable for other people. Let me give you some specifics. Always have specifics ready. Tell the other person, here's the steps I've taken to rectify the situation.

Heather: I want to improve it. However, it's not improving. How do you advise I move forward? How could you see this working out? Because oftentimes, the person will say, you know what?

Heather: We were considering this person to move them to another team. Not a problem. This is gonna be resolved in the next thirty days. Don't you know, just hang tight for thirty days. You just never know.

Heather: Like, ask for the help. Be very, clear in what you're asking for and explain the situation. And then, hopefully, that person can rectify it. If not, if someone gives you the runaround and says, you know what? You two girls, and I've heard this too, you're just being girls or, you know, dismissing it as and this has happened, to me a couple of times at the same company.

Heather: Oh, just girls on girls, being girls. You know what? You're just gonna have to get over it and, you know, buckle up and be more of a guy. I you know, I've had conversations like that with a supervisor of mine. That's the moment you say and you to yourself, oh, I red flag.

Heather: I need to get out of here. This is not the kind of company I wanna be in. And, again, that doesn't mean you walk out and quit, but it means go update your resume. Get really intentional. Start reaching out to recruiters.

Heather: Start reaching out to competitors. Start making it known that you're ready to make a move, and then lay that groundwork to get you out of there because that person just told you who they are, and those are not the kind

Erica: Of people you wanna work with. Absolutely. Those are all signals to let you know that it is time to move it along. A 100. So, Heather, in your book, you talk a lot about your belief being the biggest holding holding holding you back in your life, the biggest roadblock in your life.

Erica: That's what I like to talk about is sticky floors. Right? Those are the things that it's going on between our ears. We're stuck in our own thoughts. Talk to me a little bit about your sticky floor and how you push through it because you have so many great examples in your book.

Erica: It seems so easy for you to move through these sticky floors. So I wanna know, is it super easy, and how do you do it?

Heather: I mean, I don't wanna say it's it's easy. It's simple. Right? It's very simple. Easy.

Heather: It's very simple. No. I mean, I am very honest with people. I'm, like, the hardest working person in the world. I don't know people that work as hard as I do.

Heather: But, like, nothing's easy, quote, unquote, in my life, but it's very, very simplistic. I just know if I put the effort in and I don't give up, I'm gonna find a solution. My I fell down, hit my head, and had a black eye. My eye was so swollen, and, I mean, this went on for almost six weeks. I actually you can still see it.

Heather: Right? So my son said to me when it started getting a lot better a couple weeks ago, and I started looking normal again and, like, every oh, everyone take a breath. Mom's gonna be okay. My son says to me, mom, what were you ever worried? Were you ever thinking, like, what am I gonna do if I look, like, distorted for the rest of my like, we didn't know.

Heather: You know? I've never been injured before. And he said, were you ever thinking that? He said, or was it more like regular you where you just knew you'd find a solution, you'll find a way through? And I said, no.

Heather: I just knew. I'll find a solution. I'll find a way through. I didn't know what it would be yet, but I knew I'd be relentless in my pursuit of figuring out what it was. And the funny thing is the big game changer in this whole thing, I was relentlessly googling different things, bruising, injuries, soft tissue, inflate inflammation.

Heather: And one of these queries that I did showed that a dermatologist has a laser that can make this go away in twenty four hours. And so that was the game changer. I called my dermatologist. I said I had no idea you might have something. He said, get in here today.

Heather: We'll fix it today. And literally within twenty four hours, I was presentable again. But I didn't know that an answer existed. This is what catches people so much up, like or holds people back. They're not thinking that way.

Heather: Oh, then, of course, there's an answer out there. I just don't know what it is yet. That's how I think. I don't know what that answer is yet, but I'm 999.9% sure it exists. It's on me to find it.

Heather: And so often, it's because we're just hanging around the same circle of people, we're just looking at the same information we see every day, reading the same things we read every day in the same industry. It's about picking our head up outside of that network, outside of that industry, outside of that one basic community and saying, there's other people out there that think differently, that are exposed to different things. Someone out there has an answer for me, or maybe I can piecemeal things together from different locations, bring them together, and create a new innovative answer, but there will be an answer if you're relentless in pursuing it. So, again, back to it's not easy, but it is very simple. There is always an answer.

Erica: And I think too that the you have worked hard your whole entire life. So you have that as a proven track record that the harder I continue to work, I will hit an answer. So I'm it's just kind of built into your mind at this point, which is what people have to do. You have to do the work on repeat to see those types of results. So it's not that you just did it this one time.

Erica: That is what you have consistently done your entire life.

Erica: But you

Heather: Know what you know what's funny is that I'm 48 now, and I'm moving into this space in my life where I'm testing and trying, and it's not easy because to your point, the social proof for me is that when I work incredibly hard, good things inevitably happen. Not overnight, but over time. Right? And I know that's a great playbook for success. But what I've learned as I've become older is that there's a lot of people that allow for things to happen for them.

Heather: They don't work so hard. They spend more time caring for themselves, meditating, you know, praying, being open to the universe, and allowing for and receiving. And that's sort of like a complete one eighty of how I live my life. So I really immersed myself in so much information about quantum physics and doctor Joe Dispenza and all these different, you know, Wayne Dyer and manifesting and reading these different books and accessing all of the different information to try to allow myself to start thinking differently. And what I found is there is proof to it.

Heather: Right? There is something to that. However, for me, it is not the easiest thing to say I'm going to allow for, and I'm not gonna get stressed out today when my mode of operation has always been go faster, move faster, take more chances, exhaust yourself, go all in. And when I do that, it pays off the works. But now I'm trying to balance the two to say, yes.

Heather: I know I need to work hard to have great things happen, but I'm also gonna be open to allowing for inspired thought to come to me, an eleventh hour miracle to come to me, and allow for these doors to be open and receive the good that's out there instead of always be chasing down and making it happen.

Erica: Do you struggle when you see other people either doing or not doing something and, you know, you kinda have to just let it happen?

Heather: Well, meaning, like, people I care about that I wanna help, like my son, or do you mean, like, in business?

Erica: No. I would say probably these are more like personal relationships.

Heather: I mean, yeah. Of course. I mean, of course, when I really love someone and care so much about them but here's another thing that I've learned. I'm divorced, and then I ended a an engagement, about two years ago. And so what I've learned is that whole part of me that wants to fix things, that wants to make things happen has not served me well in relationships because I'll end up in relationships not with bad people, but with people who aren't meant for me that it is hard.

Heather: And I'm trying to fix things, and I'm trying to help them do this. And I'm telling them this is how I know you can fix this if you do this, but they don't wanna do

Erica: The work.

Heather: Yeah. They don't wanna do the work, and then it ends up that I'm doing all the work, and then I'm exhausted. And then I'm like, this is too hard. Why is this relationship so hard? So what I've learned, and it's sort of coming in line with what we're talking about in business, is that to allow for and things shouldn't be that hard.

Heather: And if it's meant to be, you know what? I've got to let go. And actually just recently, a few months ago, I was in a relationship with someone, and it got to a part where it was getting hard. And I just basically said, so you this is what I need. You tell me if that's something that you can do.

Heather: And he said, I can't do that right now, but I probably can in the future. Can you give me a little time? And I said, unfortunately, I can't. And it was so sad to say that. But what I've learned to your point is that I have to let go.

Heather: I can't coach you through this. I'm not your coach. I'm your girlfriend or, you know, I'm not in your life, and I don't wanna be your coach, and I don't wanna be your mother, and I don't wanna, like, force this because I know it is right for you, and I know you have the potential to do it, but you've gotta go do that on your own. So I am very big into that letting go even though it hasn't been easy.

Erica: So you're getting there. You're working on it. It's good. I heard a

Heather: Great always a work in progress. Yeah.

Erica: I heard a great analogy, though, that brought it back to this manifestation thing, and it's like, you can sit here all day long and manifest that I'm gonna catch the bus. I'm I'm gonna catch the bus. I'm gonna catch the bus. But you are not gonna catch that bus if you don't run for it. So it really kind of puts together this manifestation and doing the work.

Erica: You can't just sit back and expect all of that to happen without putting in the work. So I love to live in this space of doing both pieces, of doing the manifestation and imagining whatever those goals and dreams that you have are. But every day, going in and putting in the work, even if you don't even know that's gonna lead to an outcome.

Heather: Abso I mean, to me, that is the recipe for success. I mean, 100%. And I go back to, you can do it just by doing just the hard work. It's just gonna take you longer to get to that ultimate goal, but it can be done. I don't know that you can do it like you said, just sitting around manifesting.

Heather: I've never tried it. But I am learning that it doesn't have to be as hard and take as long if you're willing to incorporate the two together.

Erica: Yep. Absolutely. And, actually, I dropped a podcast episode earlier this year with a woman named doctor Cornelia Shipley, and she is all into the quantum physics and all about that. And just listening to the science piece of it is so interesting to me. So I'll have to send you that episode.

Erica: Now one other thing you had in your book that I loved and I highlighted was what you called neutral thinking. So kind of allowing you to see the past as irreversible, but helping it shift your mindset into a more productive state. Talk to me a little bit about neutral thinking because I had never heard that term before.

Heather: So a lot of people I actually have a podcast episode on this, but a lot of people and there's a workbook piece in the book on this, on the new book, Overcome Your Villains. A lot of people will say to me, and this is just I always feel like feedback I'm getting from community is, like, validation or indication of what people need. Right? So I have a lot of people say to me, you're born naturally positive. You're born someone who takes action.

Heather: You're born like, you're different. Right? For and, again, people wanna project whatever they want to onto you. They can do it. Right?

Heather: Maybe, Erica, people tell you, you're just happy, so you're just born that way. Right? So people will tell you that but the reality is no. That's not the truth. You have intrinsically developed some way, some system in order to and I and I will agree with this.

Heather: Like, 99% of the time, I'm super positive. I train myself truly because I had such an awful childhood. I train myself, like, how to bust through really negative situations very, very fast to get myself back to right so that I can't be positive so I can go out for more. Because when I feel good, I'm feeling better. I feel stronger.

Heather: I can make things happen. I don't advise this for everyone. I don't I don't want everyone to have the child that I had. However, it was a blessing to me and a gift. Now when I deal with people in business now, they'll say that's just not possible for me.

Heather: And I say to myself, okay. If you can't get yourself out of negative, you're gonna have a really hard time being successful. You're gonna have a really hard time attracting good people to you. Like, dude, this is an issue. You gotta change this.

Heather: Right? So it became obvious that the idea of saying you're in a really bad spot. You got divorced. You lost your business. The recession hit.

Heather: You're freaking out. You don't know how to go from there to where you need to be. This whole concept of what about just getting to a middle ground? What about okay. Instead of putting the bar so high that I wanna be the most positive person myself.

Heather: I know what that looks like. No. Let's, like, let's lower it down. When you are really, really negative, when you are really, really struggling, let's just try to get to calm. Let's try to get to center.

Heather: And when you lower that expectation instead of going from negative to positive, negative to neutral, thinking about, like, a car, shifting to that first gear first, that's a lot more attainable for people. And I think people feel much more comfortable with that, and the feedback's been really, really good on that, okay. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be fired up and excited every day. I can just get myself to neutral.

Heather: And when you take that first step, getting from neutral to positive is much, much easier than from negative.

Erica: And it's so powerful too because there's so much in life that it's not positive, and it's you don't wanna paint it and look at it with road rose colored glasses. Like, some things are just really shitty in life. But if you can, like you said, get to that place of neutral ground of calm, you can really proceed however it is you need to move forward with to handle the situation in a productive manner. So And

Heather: You just also I think it's about how you're thinking too. Right? Like, you're not gonna find solutions if you're in steeped in negativity. If you're neutral, you might see something and say, wait a minute. I didn't spot that, you know, a few days ago when I was so down and out.

Heather: But now that I'm just kinda at peace and calm,

Erica: I can finally start seeing things. And then that will start to give you some momentum and some hope, and then all those things will start it's like a domino effect. It is. And it's it's such a testament too to just your mindset because when you are stuck in that negative negative place, you're not gonna make any headway. No.

Erica: But if you can just take it one notch up, and I go through these exercises a ton with my son. He's seven. So if something is hard, it's this I'm bad at it. You know, this is just awful. And I'm like, how about we just get to this place of math is hard?

Erica: We can do hard things, though. You know? So just take it to a middle step. Not, I love math. Everything's fabulous because you might not love math.

Heather: I don't. So that's so interesting. I had a conversation with my son the other day, and it's fine not to love math. I don't love math either and thinking it's for calculators. Right?

Heather: So here's the thing is that I my son came home from school, and he was telling me he's dealing with a person who's important in his life. And he said this person is being so difficult and so dramatic making everything so much harder. And I could see he was getting visibly upset. Right? He's getting negative.

Heather: Right? He's letting this person impact him. He's reacting, which is, again, I'm not judging it. Normal. I get it.

Heather: But I was trying to help coach him along because he's only 15. And I and I'm listening to him, and I said, hang on a second. What if we approached it from a place of curiosity? And he said, well, what does that mean? And I said, well, what if we start asking ourselves, that's interesting that this person responds that way.

Heather: It's so different than how I would respond. I'm really curious as to why he does that. And then I asked him, okay. So now that you're do you feel as angry anymore when you think about it, like, trying to understand? He said, no.

Heather: I don't feel angry anymore. Okay. Great. Like, again, we wanna get back to neutral. So he's back at neutral now.

Heather: Well, now his headspace is much better. Okay. Then I asked him, what's the ultimate goal with this person in this situation? Well, I'm trying to get this person to do x. You know, he was asking for something, which is what brought the whole conversation out of control like this.

Heather: And I said, so your ultimate goal is this. You're coming from a place of curiosity, so you're having some empathy and you understand this person's different than you and has different triggers and things that upset them. Now it's back to this ultimate goal. How can we move that person from where they currently already here? And so we start talking about different ways the conversation could go, different things my son could say.

Heather: Right? So now he's getting more solution focused and less emotional. And wouldn't you know, in the morning, he woke up, and he was very calm. And I said, what are you gonna do today? He said, I'm gonna go in and have a conversation with him, and I'm gonna see if I can help get him, you know, to where I think that we can go.

Heather: And I and I feel pretty good it can happen. So, again, it's like, you know, with anything, whether you're dealing with your kids or you're dealing in business, so much of this, like you said, is about shifting back to neutral, not allowing it to cause react and get so angry and upset that we can't see clearly and start figuring out what solutions could be.

Erica: Well and I love it too because you're creating this opportunity for your son to have empathy too. So you're also teaching him, like, let's be curious about the situation. Let's think a little bit deeper about why they're reacting a certain way, which opens up that space for him, which did not exist before when he was getting all hyped up like 15 year olds do. But I love it. So I'm gonna shift gears on you and just mention that in your book, you talk a lot about sometimes the nervousness and anxiety when you're facing something that is really important to you.

Erica: Maybe you haven't done it yet before, and you have I've written down four techniques that I pulled out of your book. You do tapping, you have a playlist, your lavender hand wipes, and visualizing. Can you walk me through how those help you, and how did you discover these things?

Heather: Gosh. I have so many more, like exercising, hypnosis. I mean, I have tracks, meditation. I have tracks that I listen to hypnosis tracks that I use. I mean, there are literally I have two different machines that I've ordered.

Heather: I got these from just researching and on Amazon that calm your heart rate down. I mean, there's this is why I always go back to you. Like, no one has to be unhappy. No one has to have anxiety. There are solutions out there for you, and not all have to just be medication based.

Heather: Again, I don't judge anyone. Whatever works for you, like, whatever you and your doctor figure out for you, go for it to improve your life. But the thing is that I found that helped me, and I've had massive anxiety. The funny thing is I didn't know it until, probably since I had I gave birth to my son. And I remember because I got divorced a year after my son was born.

Heather: I remember thinking, oh my gosh. How did I end up at this place? And that, like, moment of saying, I don't want my son to have a bad life. How I made decisions that were not correct because I wanted to be married, you know, to the right person forever, and I didn't want my son to have to go through divorce. So it was one of these, like, again, your biggest breakdowns can your be your biggest breakthroughs.

Heather: Okay. I wanna really dig into me. And that's what sent me down, you know, massive therapy, traditional therapy, and seeing energy healers was and I did a whole episode on this. That was so helpful and trans and transitional for me. But there's so many different solutions out there now that we're living in 2023.

Heather: It's incredible, literally incredible what you can do for yourself, which you're if you're if you're willing to, you know, put the time and the research and invest in yourself, it truly is transformational. You know, like, tapping, I just learned about from the Internet, EFT tapping. I mean, it's everywhere. It's so simple. Just Google the chart, and you literally tap on the points, and suddenly your anxiety downgrades within a couple of minutes.

Heather: I mean, I did an episode on that actually on my podcast as well. So, right, all these things are just things I've read about online. Maybe somebody the hypnosis, a friend of mine was going through divorce, and she said I had just gone through divorce. And she said, I've been seen as hypnotist. I think you should go.

Heather: It's gonna help you release some of the trauma from, you know, like, you know, getting divorces, There's trauma around it. She's like, release some of that trauma, and, wow, that was a game changer for me. And then once I worked through that, that's when I started unraveling my issues from my childhood, and then my hypnotherapist worked with me on that. And then when the pandemic hit, I started getting panic attacks. I was so scared about driving.

Heather: It was just a way, you know, fear was manifesting in my life because I was afraid of, you know, my son being homeschooled and us being stuck in a two bedroom condo, my business disappearing, all this negativity in the world outside. I went back to the hypnotherapist again and did it virtually with him. And within I mean, it was, like, two weeks, it was gone. And I was having full blown panic attacks driving in the car where I didn't think I could drive anymore. I mean so just so people listening know that what if you think you're the only person out there struggling with crazy anxiety or fear, you're you are not alone.

Heather: You're in great company, and there are a plethora of solutions for you if you're willing to try.

Erica: But what I would love to tie this back to is the fact that there's always a solution, and that's what she said, like, spot on at the beginning of the podcast is that you were not gonna give up until you found a solution. So here we are. She's tried all the things,

Heather: And she gets certain certain things will work. Certain things are gonna work for you and certain things aren't. Right? And that's okay. But, like, you have to be willing to test and try, in my opinion.

Heather: I'm just I'm willing to test and try a lot of them to find out what is right. And sometimes you'll find out in different scenarios, different things work for you, right, at different times, and, and things can change over time too.

Erica: Awesome. I love it. Well, Heather, as we wrap up on our time here today, one question that I love to ask everyone is if you could go all the way back to the moment when you are sitting across from the woman who fired you and you had to give yourself a piece of advice. Now that you've experienced all of this, what would that piece of advice be?

Heather: The piece of advice I'd give to me or to her? Yeah. Let's I mean,

Erica: Honestly, actually, let's hear both.

Heather: The piece of advice I'd give to me, I'm so proud of how I handled that situation with such class and dignity. I don't know how I did it. But it's a miracle because part of me wanted to react and yell at her and say, like, how dare you disrespect me and everything I've given up for this company and dumped me. I was so emotional, and I was fighting back tears. But I'm so proud that she was all smiles.

Heather: And for anyone listening that doesn't know this whole story, check out my TED talk because I break the whole thing down for you. But, ultimately, what happens was this new CEO comes in. I'd worked side by side with her for fourteen years. She'd always hated me. Finally, she was my boss.

Heather: She was firing me right away. But she was doing it in a very grandiose ego driven manner. In my opinion, you know, all smiles, arms up, you know, standing up trying to intimidate me in the meeting, withholding a check saying that I couldn't get the check if I didn't sign a nondisperaging agreement, really trying to bully me right at this last moment. And the whole time I was sitting, I couldn't see my face, but I was trying to be very just, you know, calm and, not smile, not cry. I was trying to not show emotion, but process the information that was coming to me.

Heather: And I think I did a good job of that, and she was very classless in her approach to me, very much a bully, in my opinion. And I sat there, and I processed and processed, and it seemed like it was an hour. It was probably, you know, three or four minutes. I mean, it was very, very fast, but it seemed like forever. And in my mind, I remember thinking, don't cry.

Heather: Do not cry until you get out of this building, number one. Right? There's no crying in baseball. And I have taught myself that in business, so I knew I'd have that part of it even though it really it was hard. But the other thing was don't yell.

Heather: Like, stay calm. You've got this. You wanna leave here with class and dignity. I just kept thinking that in my mind. And so I wouldn't move.

Heather: I was just looking at the papers and listening. And I sat for another minute, and there was no talking for a little bit, which is super powerful too. And then, ultimately, my mind, it was like, she's bullied me too long. This is it. No.

Heather: No more. Like, I'm done. I don't I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'm not signing that paper. And if I didn't sign the paper, I didn't get the big parting gift check. Right?

Heather: I didn't get a dollar from them after fourteen years. And so I just I pushed those papers back in her, and I said, I didn't sign I'm not signing out of one of these papers. I didn't write either one of them. And if you have nothing else to say to me, I'm leaving. And I stood up with all the class and dignity in the world and walked out of there so, so calm.

Heather: Her brother was in there, which I hadn't talked about this publicly because he was my friend. He betrayed me. And blood is thicker than water, I guess. And so he grabbed my hand. You know, he thought of me like his little sister.

Heather: And I just shook his hand off, and I gave him a look of, like, ugh. I'm really disappointed in you, dude. But I didn't say a word. I shook his hand off, and I walked out, and he was calling my phone, calling my phone. I shut my phone off.

Heather: I got in the car, and I started driving, and then I just started bawling. I wouldn't give myself any advice. I handled that flawlessly. Like, there isn't a I don't wanna go back and do it again. That's how hard it was.

Heather: It was it was so intense after working with these people for fourteen years and traveling with them everywhere and literally having them be a part of my family. It was such a betrayal and a hurt, but I'm just so proud of how I handled it in the moment. And, gosh, I would not wanna go back and do that again. And not that it's about getting the last word, but I do love how

Erica: In your acknowledgments, you think are.

Heather: Oh my gosh. I forgot that I said that. I think I said thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Heather: Because here's the thing. It's weird. Only in hindsight, you can never connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them when you look back. Right?

Heather: So I didn't know what I was gonna go into. I didn't know how I was gonna pay my bills. All of that was fear and unknown and scary. And at the time, I saw it as scary. I didn't see it as, oh, this is amazing opportunity.

Heather: There's so much I could do. Right? I wasn't excited like I am now, but I was scared. And I would have never made that leap if she hadn't pushed me out the window. So for a long time, I felt angry about it.

Heather: For a long time, I Googled her stock price, and I wanted to see what was happening since I was gone. And I was, like, celebrating when it was dropping and, you know, I was being not nice. And then I remember one day thinking, like, this doesn't this is not nice of me. Why am I being not nice? She didn't like me, but I don't have to be like that.

Heather: Right? And then I got strategic route and thought, even better yet, the more I think about her, I'm giving her my energy. The more I'm sitting around Googling her stock price, I could be Googling, like, what I need to be doing, what is great to sell with a book. Maybe I need to create a workbook, like, go focus on your business, Heather. Put your energy and efforts towards you in doing good in your world and let go of that world.

Heather: And then eventually, I came to a place where I decided to say I forgive her. She never asked me. I've never spoken to her since. But I just decided to say, you know, I forgive you, and I can only imagine from a place of curiosity what you went through in your life that, you know, you wanna treat other women this way. And I do have a lot of empathy for them.

Heather: I feel sad, you know, for anyone that wants to treat people poorly. But I just decided to say it. Like, I forgive you, and I let go. And it was a funny moment. I was getting on a plane one day going to it was flying from LA back to Miami.

Heather: And the GC that I used to work with, who was her right hand, was getting on the flight that I was on. And I felt I immediately it was like a trigger. My heart started racing, and I got scared. And I'm like, oh, they're coming after me, and I'm gonna get sued and, all this fear and unknown. And I text a good friend of mine who is still at the company who used to be on my team.

Heather: And I said, you're never gonna believe this. I'm on a flight right now with the GC. And he wrote back, oh, you need to just walk by her with all the class in the world and smile and laugh. And I'm like, no. I'm not gonna do that.

Heather: I'm scared, and I feel uncertain. And he's like, wait a minute. You don't work with her anymore. And it took someone on the outside me saying, you don't have anything to be afraid. You don't work there.

Heather: And but it was so funny, like, your body and your mind immediately fall back to how I used to feel when I did work side by side with people who hated me. And it was this reminder that my friend was gifting me that

Erica: You don't have to work with people

Heather: Like that anymore. Like, celebrate it and be excited, and you can say hi, and you don't have to be afraid anymore. So it's just it's such a gift that I would have never known to give myself. Yep.

Erica: And now here you are, an author, keynote speaker, living the dream. I love it. Well, Heather, thank you so much for your time today. It was such a pleasure having you. Well, thank

Heather: You so much for having me, and thanks for supporting other women. Absolutely.

Erica: If you enjoyed this podcast with myself and Heather Monahan today, please rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast as you will truly help another woman hear the message that needs it in this moment.