Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have HER Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. HER Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, handling hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career and life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside HER Collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: What does perfect mean to you? Is it something that you're always reaching for, always striving for? Is it something that society, your friends, or Lord have mercy, your mother taught you to reach for? Today, I wanna talk about what perfect is, how the sticky floor of striving for perfection keeps us stuck, and why we must redefine perfection for ourselves, not for others.

Erica: You are listening to the podcast that empowers women to get seen, get heard, and get promoted. I'm your host, Erica Rooney, and I've made it my mission to help you break free from the sticky floors, those limiting beliefs, and toxic behaviors, to bust through the glass ceiling. I'm obsessed with all things growth and abundance, and I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear, and burnout. So pull up a seat, pop in an earbud, and let's dive in.

Erica: First of all, let's go ahead and talk about what it means to be perfect. Well, that's what society deems perfect. Now whether that's in terms of appearance, how we look, to achievements or behavior, it's not dictated by ourselves. We see images of perfect bodies, perfect relationships, and perfect lives all around us. And it's no wonder that we feel this immense pressure to live up to these standards.

Erica: But here's the thing. Societal and cultural expectations are widely different across the board. What's considered beautiful in the US might be considered different elsewhere. Just take some African and Caribbean cultures, for example. A more voluptuous body type is seen as gorgeous.

Erica: But here in America, we got women striving for flat tummies and toned abs. And let me also just hit you with a real quick reality check. You cannot have double D boobs and a chiseled six pack. Now I'm sure somebody is out there like this, but I haven't seen it. And I'm talking double D boobs that are au naturel.

Erica: But here's an interesting note. Nearly one to two million women in North America have breast implants, with about three hundred thousand occurring nearly every single year. Now not all of these are for the simple desire to look a certain way. Many of these, which I haven't been able to quantify, are for reconstructive surgery for women who had breast cancer or other health issues. That's not what I'm talking about here, y'all.

Erica: But it is a known fact that many women have breast augmentations in the US because they have been taught from birth that to be a woman, you must also have breasts, and to be an attractive, seductive woman, you must have voluptuous, perky, large breasts. Newsflash, that ain't it. Cultures like certain parts of Asia, they wouldn't dream of this because in these areas, smaller breasts have been traditionally seen as more desirable. This is interesting. Right?

Erica: And I share this with you, number one, not to shame anybody. If you want big boobs, honey, go out and get them. You do you. But I say this, and I share this because beauty is not universal. Perfection is not universal.

Erica: What it means to be perfect also changes over time. Just think about what it meant to be the perfect June Cleaver, the stay at home mom baking cookies and caring for the home. Well, not anymore. Now while that's still acceptable, it's almost expected that women work. Man, could you imagine if I lived in the nineteen fifties?

Erica: No way, y'all. This would not have worked out for me. I'm a lot of things, but June Cleaver is not one of them. But I share this, because the pressure that we often feel to conform to these societal expectations is at the expense of our true selves. And it can be super harmful to our mental health and our self esteem.

Erica: It can make us feel like we are always chasing something, that we are never good enough, and that we are constantly falling short. And if you didn't know, no one is perfect. And that means we are all chasing this pipe dream, honey. So here's the deal. You must question these societal standards and you must define your perfect.

Erica: For some, it might be having the house with the white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog. For others, it might be something totally different. It could be living in a high rise in New York City over the skyline, like Samantha from Sex and the City, or it might be a same sex couple with adopted babies from all over the world living in Kansas. I don't know. My point is my perfect is different from your perfect, and both of our perfects are perfect.

Erica: So why are we stuck with this cookie cutter idea of what perfect is? And the answer goes honestly beyond societal expectation. It goes deep. And it's because we have a fear of not belonging. And that fear of not belonging, it dictates what we do.

Erica: Have you ever been in a conversation with somebody and they say, oh, that's alright. Or, you watch that TV show. Right? Of course you do. And you just nod along, like you know exactly what they're talking about, but in your head, you're like, I have no idea what they're talking about, but you just keep on nodding along.

Erica: I have done that for years of my life because there's this knee jerk reaction to belong. This deeply rooted feeling that if I say, what are you talking about? Or, no, I don't watch that TV show, that you won't have that level of connection. Here's the problem.

Erica: Our need to fit in hurts our authenticity and our individuality. And we cannot truly belong if we are constantly trying to fit in. So let's go back to being perfect. Only you can truly define what being perfect means to you. It's a personal thing.

Erica: And the good news is you have the power to define it for yourself. So how do we even go about redefining perfect? Well, it starts with self definition. We have to take the time to figure out what perfect means to us and what our values and priorities are. Not all of the shoulds that our parents impose upon us, that our colleagues impose upon us.

Erica: And this can be a really hard process, but it is so worth it. When we take the time to define our perfect, we can start living a life that is true to ourselves, rather than one that is dictated by our parents, our colleagues, our friends, and society. And I can speak from personal experience on this one. For me, redefining perfect meant letting go of being perfect all the time. It meant embracing my imperfections, learning to love myself, flaws and all.

Erica: And let me tell you, that changed everything. When I stopped striving for this unrealistic idea of perfection, I could finally take a step back and breathe. I was able to connect with people, with my family, on a deeper level because I wasn't so focused on this perfect facade that was unattainable to begin with. Now, I'm not saying this is a one and done thing. If you listen to this podcast, you know perfection is my kryptonite and my superpower, and it takes work to keep it in check.

Erica: I have guardrails in place to ensure that I don't slip into that state of perfection that is not good for me and leads me to spiral down the negativity trail. And you can too, but we have to first start with our self definition of perfect. Who are you and what is important to you? And then we have to work on overcoming the need to fit in and focus on bringing our whole, beautiful, imperfect self to the table.

Erica: But when we worry about what other people think of us and we conform to fit in, we end up sacrificing what makes us special and unique. So I don't want you to walk away feeling like you have no idea what to do, where to start. And if this episode resonates with you, but you just feel lost on how to get started bringing your full self with you everywhere you go, I want you to do this activity. I want you to make a list and it is called the I Am Remarkable list.

Erica: And I want you to write out 10 different things that make you remarkable. These are not the amazing things that you have accomplished in your life, like say climbing Mount Everest, but rather the everyday things that make you, you. This is actually something that I pulled from a Google initiative that was done to empower women and underrepresented groups to celebrate their achievements. But you're gonna use it today as a list that you can go back to when you are struggling with your definition of perfect, when you are struggling to belong, and when you are struggling with that idea of fitting in.

Erica: So here's a few from my list to get you started. I am remarkable because I show up every day and I put myself out there with my business, even though I have no idea what I'm doing. I am remarkable because I am vulnerable. I am remarkable because I choose an alcohol free lifestyle. I am remarkable because I devote time every single day to reading books that help me grow.

Erica: So how are you remarkable? How do you define perfect? And what about you makes you, you? What can you do to show up every single day so that you are bringing your whole self to the table? Now, one last thing before I let you go. I want you to remember you are special. You are already perfect and you are enough.

Erica: And while you are enough, you are always becoming more. I am so glad you tuned in today. I would love to hear from you. What is your definition of perfect? Drop me a DM on Instagram or on LinkedIn and let me know.

Erica: I'll see you here next time.