Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone. Hindsight is a gift that we will all have one day. But I'm sure that you know from experience that when you are in it, it can be impossible to get that perspective. If you have ever been fired or let go from a job, if you've ever felt lost or stuck and question where the hell do I go from here? Michele Molitor's story about seeking out a career coach to becoming a coach is a story of discovery and a sticky floor of self doubt.

Are you an anxious voyager, a procrastinating perfectionist? We're gonna find out today. Michele, welcome to the podcast from now to next.

How are you?

Michele: I'm doing great. Thanks for having me. It's great to be here, Erica.

Erica: Well, I am so excited for this conversation because when we first connected, you were talking through all of the things that you've been up to. You are the CEO of your own consulting company. You're the coauthor of a book. You are doing all of the things. But tell me, how did we get here?

What is your story?

Michele: Well, you know, it's an interesting and winding road, as all of our stories are. I was a a graphic designer and creative director in my former career, which brought me here to the San Francisco Bay Area, the height of the .com boom, the original one back in 2000. And, we were gonna IPO. I had a golden ticket. I'm like, I'm gonna be a millionaire.

Woo. But, the week I started, the week we were gonna IPO was the week the market crashed instead. And so that started to go south, but we kept building our team, and I kept hiring people. And I hired, two guys to my team to be my wingman, and they made it abundantly clear in short order they didn't really like working for a woman and did a lot of things and said a lot of things that undermined my confidence and ultimately led to me getting, fired. Mhmm.

And it was a very, very painful experience, and it it crushed my confidence. It created a massive case of imposter syndrome to the point I was terrified to hand my resume to anybody. I did go on. Two or three months later, I went to work for another start up company. And six months later, I was laid off again because they ran out of money.

So that time, I got shortchanged, to the tune of, multiple 5 figures. And, and then nine eleven happened. And so I felt like the universe had taken me by the shoulders and shaking me up like, no. Not that. Look over here.

And so in the process, I when I first got laid off, I I started working with a coach. Coaching was very new at this point. I was like, a career coach? A what? What?

Okay. Sure. Someone to help me figure out what to do next. And in that process, it was like all the cells in my body came into alignment, and my spirit was like, yes. This.

Look here. So I ended up getting trained and certified as a coach, and it seemed far more logical and less painful to start my own company than it was to hand my resume to anybody at that point. So I started my company in 2001, and I've been coaching and consulting ever since. And, I work with, typically small business owners and executives and larger teams to help them remove the anxiety, the fear, the overwhelm that's leading them to a place of burnout to get the unconscious blocks out of their way because they don't know they can't see the thing that's on the end of their nose that's actually hanging them up. I I call it the unscratchable itch.

Like, I there's an itch, and every time I go to scratch it, it moves. And I don't know how to get at it. And so through my career, I've been a learning junkie of personal development. How do I work better, smarter, faster? How do I get out of my own way so I can be the best version of myself and be the best coach that I can be?

And, back in 2016, I discovered, this modality called rapid transformational therapy or RTT. It's a form of hypnotherapy. And in doing the work for myself, it removed some blocks that I didn't even know that I had, in a matter of weeks, and I was shocked and stunned and amazed and delighted. So, naturally, I I went on and added that to my repertoire, to my collection of letters after my name. Very quickly realized how powerful hypnotherapy and coaching are together because they supercharge each other.

Coaching works at a conscious level. That's 10% of your brain, whereas hypnotherapy works at a subconscious level, which is 90% of your brain. So combining the two together over a period of time of thirty to ninety days typically, it creates whole brain transformation at a mind, heart, and spirit level that I have not found in any of the other work that I've done because coaching works at this intellectual level. And most of us work at that level. We operate from our heads up.

Right? But I found that integrating our whole being is so powerful because your body is very wise, right, if we if we stop and listen to it.

Erica: That is fabulous, and there is so much I wanna explore with that. It kinda goes back to what you were just saying that the body is so wise if we just pay attention to it. And earlier, you were talking about all of the cells in your body coming into alignment when you first started realizing that coaching was gonna be your thing, your purpose. I would love for you to dive in a little bit more about what that felt like because I too have felt that experience, and I I describe it as, like, it just lit me up and I could not ignore it. But I feel like it's one of those things that if you haven't been through before, you don't quite get it.

So how would you describe it?

Michele: I've come to recognize it as I call them downloads. To me, that is it's like a a spiritual download from my higher self that says, yes, this now. And like you said, it lights up your whole body. It gives you whole body chills. And your heart, it's just that place of knowing.

I just know. I know that I know, but I don't know how that I know, but I know deeply that this is the thing that I am called to do without a doubt, without reservation. And it's happened to me three times. It happened to me when I first discovered coaching. It happened to me when I first discovered hypnotherapy or RTT therapy.

And it happened to me again just last year when I discovered this new tool that I've incorporated into my work called Dignify. And Dignify is any a survey that helps you identify your core emotional motivators and how you move through the world, and it's not a personality assessment. And what I found is and it feels like I now have this I have all the pieces of the puzzle, right, to help other people sort out their puzzle pieces. So what I've learned is that we are all born with dignity, but we're not all treated with respect. Right?

Respect is something that we earn. And when our dignity gets violated, when it gets stepped on, when it gets dismissed, or when it gets even crushed and destroyed, that's what creates these subconscious barriers to connection. Oh, I said this, and I got blasted. It's not safe to say that. It's not it's not safe for me to show up this way or that way.

I have to look a certain way, behave a certain way in order to feel safe, to be loved, to be accepted. Right? You fill in the blanks for you. And so the big piece of my work is helping people remove those barriers, those blocks, those cloaking devices that they've unconsciously put on themselves so that they can show up more fully, more authentically as their natural selves and share their natural gifts, talents, and abilities in the world. And what on the other side of that, the dignified tool also now gives me the way to help people communicate with others so that they're not unconsciously violating other people's dignity along the way.

So it's something that gets used both in interpersonal relationships personally and professionally so that you understand where the other person is coming from, and you can speak into their language while also honoring your own self in the process.

Erica: I love that. That's so interesting. I love that you've experienced that three times because at this point, now you can truly recognize what that is when it's happening, and you can just jump onto that as quickly as it comes. So circling back on that dignify work, when you go back to your earlier experiences where you talked about struggling with imposters and you're not wanting to hand in your resume, your confidence, all of that, Have you thought about if I had only had this tool back then?

Michele: Oh, many times. Many, many times. Because, you know, I can now from this place after doing this for twenty two plus years, Right? I can pull back and and have that higher perspective, and I can connect the dots, right, to see, oh, how the things that happened to me in my childhood, the the family wounds, the mother wounds that I have carried created that self doubt, created that lack of confidence, created those hesitations, which, you know, I bravely, courageously hid. I had a whole bunch of really nice facades that I was hiding behind.

I can do this. Right? You wouldn't have looked at me and

Erica: thought hiding things.

Michele: Right? We all are. And and so the dignify tool has helped me recognize what is my true essence in in a reflective way that I have yet to experience. But understanding our own inherent value and worth is critical because, as I said, we're all born with dignity, but we don't always get treated that way, and we then don't recognize our own value and worth. And so a lot of the work I do is helping people reconnect with themselves around their own value and worth and their gifts that they bring so that they can share them confidently.

They can stand tall in who they are and go, yes. Of course. I can do that versus, I don't right? Because they're hiding behind those false facades based on decisions oftentimes that were made between the ages of zero and 12, nine times out of 10.

Erica: So I'm thinking back to you, and I'm creating this scenario in my head. I'm imagining you sitting with this career coach just plagued with impostor syndrome, feeling really down on yourself. You've gone through this horrific traumatic experience, and you get this epiphany that you need to explore coaching. What happened to the confidence, the imposter syndrome? Did it go away?

Was it something that you had to continue to work through? How did that kind of evolve for you?

Michele: Sure. That's a great question. Nobody's ever asked me that, and I've never thought about it that way. It was it was such a calling that I knew that I had no other choice to do it. Did I ask my family for any assistance or guidance?

Oh, no. Not at all because of the the shame that I felt from being let go. Right? Cue my perfectionism. It wasn't perfect.

Right? So I wouldn't dare admit to them. I told them that I got let go, but I wouldn't dare admit to them that I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know what I need to do differently. Not that they would have had any answers for me, but I just knew that I had to figure this out.

So because of my background, I have a very, very strong I'll do it all by myself. I have a very strong six year old who says, I will do it all by myself. You're gonna abandon me? Fine. I'm gonna do it all by myself.

I'll figure it out. Right?

Erica: Did you also not want to ask them for help because a piece of you was worried about the messy action that you were taking, that you didn't have all the steps laid out and you were just you were just gonna do it, but you didn't really know what you were doing?

Michele: Oh, yes. Absolutely. My parents so my mom and dad are business partners. They've been married for sixty four years. God bless them.

Yeah. They're wonderful people in so many ways. They built very successful businesses. You know, they always had everything together. That's how I was raised.

You always you always wear matching. Everything has to match. Everything has to be in order. And so that was the place that I was coming from. So goodness sakes.

God forbid, I not have it all together. So I spent a lot of time and a lot of effort trying to get it all together. And, again, in hindsight, I can look back and go, oh, I was trying to prove myself to my family. Time and time and time again. I was trying to win their acceptance, to win their approval, their love with a constant unconscious conversation going on in my mind that says, am I getting it right?

Am I getting it right? Am I getting it right? Right? And so that's why I'm such an avid learner because I've been it took me years to quiet that voice. Yes.

I literally one day, I I just woke up, and I was like, you know, I think I've done enough studying. I figured it out. Like, I'm good. I don't need any more certifications. I don't need any more.

I still love them. Don't get me wrong. And I still do them, but I'm not doing it from a place of I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna prove to you how worthy I am. Because I finally got one day that, oh, I am worthy.

I am valuable, and I do provide really valuable things to the world.

Erica: I love this because there's so many layers of the onion to peel back when you start exploring these unconscious beliefs that are living in the back of your head. Because I too am that person that will go after big dreams and big things, but I don't wanna tell anybody about them until they're done or until I'm amazing at it, until I'm the top five. If I have never done it before, how

Michele: the hell do I expect myself to come out guns blazing and be a perfect at it? Right. Right? And this is very, very common for women in particular. Men that science shows, men are very different.

It's like, I'll just figure it out as I go, and I'm gonna tell everybody I'm great about it even though I don't know crap yet. But I'll woo. Yeah. I can I can do that? I'm

Erica: just gonna do it.

Michele: Women are the exact opposite. They will not they will not submit their resume to a a company, for example, if they can't check all the boxes on that on that list. We want we want the kitchen sink. Oh, but I'm missing two. I won't I'm not gonna Yeah.

It's fascinating. It's really, really fascinating.

Erica: It is. And what's also really interesting about that to me is it reveals deeper sticky floors, like the layers of the sticky floors that are underneath that initial, I guess, sticky floor that you think it is. You know? So I'm looking at it through my lens where I'm like, I've got these big dreams. I'm not gonna tell anybody about it until either I've done it or I've gotten the job or whatever.

I'm checking all the boxes. And I used to tell myself that I thought it was because I didn't want other people to doubt me. I didn't wanna hear their doubts. Because I grew up with a lot of, like, are you sure you wanna do that? Not that they didn't believe me, but they were coming from this place of love.

They didn't want me to take on something that was stressful or something that would put me in a position where I was in over my head. It was all about love and protection. So I told myself that I wasn't gonna just open that door until I was already there, and then nobody could take it back. But there's also those complex layers where it's like, that's a piece of it, but it's also the perfectionism where, like, I expect myself to be an expert at it when I've never done it before.

Michele: Yep. Absolutely. And then there's these, these other layers of self doubt that come in as well. And it all ties back to the conversations we're having in our head with ourselves, which ties back to another deeper layer of, well, that's what my mother said to me or that's what my father said to me or that's what my siblings said to me that made me tell myself that maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I can't do it.

Maybe I don't belong. I don't fit in. I'm not worthy. I don't provide value. Whatever those what ifs are because we all have them.

Nobody escapes them. Right?

Erica: So this is perfect because you this leads in right to where I wanna go. You have a self doubt quiz that identifies the five self doubt archetypes. Right? Archetypes. Who do you think I am or which kind?

Just throw a guess.

Michele: You've already told me. You're the procrastinating perfectionist.

Erica: Oh, I do believe that, but I also got another one. The anxious avoider.

Michele: Oh, yes. Absolutely.

Erica: Both.

Michele: Yeah. Yeah. Well, similar to the love languages. Right? There's five love languages.

We we generally speak one or two of them quite fluently, and we can vacillate between all five. Right? I found that to be true with the self doubt archetypes. There's the procrastinating perfectionist, the shapeshifter, the reluctant resistor, the anxious avoider, and the fearful follower. And and so it took me years to realize to even consciously realize, oh, look at me being all perfectionistic there.

Because imposter syndrome is this umbrella I decide I figured out. And the underbelly of that are these self these different self doubts where we don't believe in ourselves, and we're holding ourselves back. And it's because of different influences in our life that show up in these different ways.

Erica: No. I loved it because your quiz told me nothing I didn't already know about myself. Right? But it says the fear of rejection keeps me from taking big leaps, And I even look. I see myself hesitating to read this one because I'm like, most people, especially people that I work with, even close friends would be like, this is not you, but it's how much I reveal out thoughts of not being enough, knowing enough, or having all the answers hold me back for asking for the support that I need.

And that is a 100% true. I put on this face, this facade, this mask of confidence even when it's not there, which, you know, is a good thing and a bad thing at times, but it does keep me for helping or for asking for that support that I might need. Mhmm. So my question for you is for someone that looks for this outside reassurance, you know, telling me that I'm on the right path, I'm doing okay, this is this is enough, how do I free myself from that doubt of being that anxious avoider? Hey there, listeners.

If you have ever felt like you're stuck in a place, held back by self doubt, perfectionism, or that pesky inner critic, you're not alone. We all face those sticky floors that keep us from reaching the heights we dream of. But guess what? It's time to shatter those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities. My book, Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors, is your ultimate guide to smashing through barriers, overcoming limiting beliefs, and stepping into your full potential.

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Michele: That's that's a great question. And then and it comes back to our dignity, right, and realizing that you are enough. You always have been enough. You will always be enough. And you and only you can decide and believe that you are enough.

I can tell you till I'm blue in the face, and you might not believe me. Now when we get at those deeper levels, those subconscious layers of where that rooted into your subconscious mind, those moments in life where that was the place that I decided, because so and so said, I got I I got bullied on the playground, or my teacher said, who are you? You shouldn't do that. That's not for you. Whatever it was.

And those things stick, especially when we're young because our brains are sponges. They literally just take in everything. There's not a lot of discernment that happens because we don't have the the intellectual capacity. Right? Our brains aren't fully formed until we're 25.

Erica: I was was gonna say we don't even have a frontal lobe yet.

Michele: So imagine all of the data that you took in between the ages of zero and 25 and what you believed about yourself versus what's actually true. Yes. You are capable. Yes. You are enough.

Yes. You provide value, and you do it in your unique ways. And your way is different and from anybody else's. Right? Because no two people are alike.

And so the way to combat that internal voice of self doubt, this simple thing, but not necessarily easy, is by rewiring the internal dialogue you're having with yourself. And it can be as simple as telling yourself every single day, I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. When I first discovered this, I literally I would drive to client calls, and I would sing a very bad song to myself in the car.

It worked for me because as you your brain likes repetition. Right? So the more you repeat a thought just like singing a song in the car, right, the words stick and they drop down into your long term memory. And as that drops into your long term memory and into your subconscious, your whole body starts to go, oh, well, of course, I'm enough. Why did I ever think anything other than that?

But the other part of your brain, your amygdala, the fight, flight, or freeze part of your brain, I like to call her Amy, Amy g Dolla. She is a real sometimes. Right? And she is a guardian of those beliefs that you took on when you were two or seven or 12. But, no, remember you said this isn't safe.

And so the work that I do helps people rewire those neural pathways in their brain so that you're giving Amy a new set of instructions. Here's a new set of rules, Amy. We are enough. We've got this, and we can do this. And she's like, oh, okay.

Because her job is just to keep you safe and alive and on the planet. So sometimes you just gotta update your software. So if you think about it, how how often do we buy new phones or upgrade the software on the phone? Like, right now, every morning I get up and Apple is trying to, like, you got new software. Have you

Erica: done it? To say, I probably have one waiting for me.

Michele: Have you done it? I'm like, no. I haven't done it yet. So how often do you upgrade your mental software and programming? And that's the essence of the work that I do through all of the different programs that I have.

Erica: I love that. And I'm a big fan of see it to believe it. Meaning, see it in your mind and really playing that forward. And this is actually an exercise that I'm embarrassed to admit I have done for a very long time. And when I tell you embarrassed to admit, it's because the first time I can remember doing it was when I was in high school, and I was, like, imagining that I was getting married and what did my bridesmaids dresses look like because that was my goal back then.

Right? I was gunning for that MRS degree. So but, again, it was it's just playing forward. Like, what do you want? What are some of those goals, dreams, and desires?

And so even now, it's an exercise that I do with myself of every night when I lay my head down on my pillow. I start imagining myself at that next level that I'm going for, whether that is in my career, whether that is a state of emotion, like happiness with my family, what I'm experiencing, or vacation. I play that in my head down to, like, the nitty gritty details. Number one, it's a great way to fall asleep, but it shows that you are actually programming your brain to believe that that can happen for you. Absolutely.

Michele: I mean, you think about, I think it was Malcolm Gladwell's book, Blink, that talks about ten thousand hours to achieve mastery. Right? You look at all stellar athletes. They visualize their results before they hit the ball, throw the ball, all of that. And so one of the key components of the work that I do that I love so out of a out of one of my hypnotherapy sessions, each client gets a customized recording.

So it's me talking in my very relaxing hypnotherapy voice, telling you that you are enough, Erica. You're amazing. You're brilliant. Of course, you've got this. And I mix in binaural beat music, and it's usually twenty five to thirty minutes long.

And you listen to it as you drift off to sleep every night because your brain is always on and always listening. So as you listen to that, it's very relaxing. It helps you drop into a deeper, more sound sleep, but your brain is listening. Your amygdala is listening. And the repetition of that over and over and over again is what's building the new re the new neural pathways in your brain.

That's why I call it rapid rewiring because you're rapidly rewiring your brain with new ways of seeing, believing, and moving through the world. So in a very short period of time, you start to embody those new beliefs. Of course, I'm enough. Why did I ever think that I wasn't enough? Who told me that?

I have often heard

Erica: the quote, you don't have to believe all the thoughts that you think, which is very powerful, but I think there is even more power in getting to acknowledge that, like, it's okay that you did think these thoughts and you believed these thoughts, but guess what? You can change your mind. Because sometimes, a lot of those limiting beliefs that have held us back have also protected us for so long.

Michele: Absolutely.

Erica: So they've done yet some good somewhere. Right? But maybe now, it's not the place for them anymore, so you can change your mind about it.

Michele: Absolutely. I mean, that's what that's what we're doing with Amy, with your amygdala.

Erica: We're just Amy G. Dolla.

Michele: Amy G. Dolla. We're just changing our mind. Right? One of my favorite quotes from doctor Wayne Dyer is when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

So if you if you think of, like, this beautiful crystal, right, there's all these different facets to it. And if you were to look through it this way versus that way, it's gonna look different. And so if you think of yourself as a diamond or diamond in the rough, perhaps, you find the different facets of you, and you can let go of the perspectives that no longer serve your growth and step into the ones that do, that empower you, that lift you up, that have you shine brightly for all of who you are.

Erica: One of the questions that I love to close with and I ask all of my guests is if you could go back to the Michele who was fired from her job. Her confidence is shot. Imposter syndrome is at a level 10, maybe a level 11. Off the charts. What would you go back and tell that Michele?

Michele: I would say to her, you're going to be okay. You will get through this, and you will find your true path. Joy is waiting for you.

Erica: And for anyone who's listening that wants to work with Michele, I'm gonna link all of her stuff in the show notes. I'm gonna include her free self doubt quiz link in my newsletter so you have access to all of this information if you wanna work with Michele. She really is awesome. Michele, thank you so much for being here today.

Michele: Oh, thank you. It's such a joy to be here with you, Erica, and I love sharing about this stuff.

Erica: I am so glad that you tuned in today. Make sure that you follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and all the socials for more content just like this. And one last thing before you go, this is your reminder that it's time to stop putting a ceiling on what's possible and start breaking through it.