Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know

Erica: I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum. We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it.

Erica: This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com. Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: I'm your host, Erica Rooney. And today I have Stephanie Paul joining me. And Stephanie is an executive coach, keynote speaker, founder of her own company, Stephanie Paul Incorporated, and she coaches executives, sales teams, TEDx speakers, and experts of all kinds to become master communicators.

Erica: Not only does she do all that, but she is also an author of the book, Unlock the Magic of a Story, How to Use Neuroscience Secrets to Engage and Influence Any Audience. With over thirty years of a rich and diverse entertainment experience, Stephanie has acted. She has done improv, stand up comedy, directed, and produced live events. You name it, she has done it. She delivers content with wit, wisdom, and humor, all while teaching speakers how to deliver concise and engaging messages.

Erica: So I am super excited to have Stephanie here today. Welcome, Stephanie.

Stephanie: Oh my god. I sound like a miracle worker.

Erica: You are a miracle maker. Let's That's what we're gonna do in today's session. I absolutely love it. How are you today?

Stephanie: I'm very well. Thank you. Very well. Yeah. Excited to be here and talk to you.

Erica: Awesome. Well, let's jump right in it. So for all of my listeners' backstory, Stephanie and I have connected earlier, and I have just loved talking with her, hearing about some of her sticky floor moments. But, Stephanie, what is your sticky floor moment that we are going to dive into today?

Stephanie: I thought about it after we chatted, and I had it wasn't weary a moment. It was a series of years. So I wanted to sorta tell the story of my first marriage and how the first couple of years I was really caught up in the fairy tale romance of it all looked beautiful. It smelled beautiful. It tasted beautiful.

Stephanie: It touched beautiful. But that first two years of that relationship ended with my father dying in New York visiting me on vacation. And as you could probably tell, I'm not originally from New York. I'm from the Deep South, also known as New Zealand. Yeah.

Stephanie: And growing up in New Zealand, my father I had lived all over the world by the time I was by the time I was living in New York, and he'd never come to visit me anywhere. My parents decided to come to New York and visit me. And after the first week, my dad had a stroke and died. And my partner at the time was amazing. Like, oh my god.

Stephanie: He went above and beyond anything that I would think anybody would do at my father passing at such a precarious place and time. And so I sort of kind of fell deeply in love with him in that moment. And then I feel like the next ten years of my life in that relationship was me slowly getting stuck to the floor looking for that man that happened in that moment when I needed him most, but he kind of disappeared afterwards slowly. And then eventually finding myself not just stuck to the floor, but, like, concreted into the floor. Mhmm.

Stephanie: I was never gonna be able to move again and just really feeling like I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and getting myself out of that was really hard. I'll never forget waking up one morning and just thinking, I have no idea who I am. I have no idea where I'm going. I felt completely lost. I'd lost any form of true confidence today sort of started with in my life, or if it was there, it was somewhat false.

Stephanie: I don't think it was truly deeply rooted in me. And I just remember waking up one morning in a puddle of tears. Just I have no idea where I am. So I think for me, that was probably one of the hardest sticky floor stuck to the from the concreted, taped, glued, whatever you wanna call it, sort of floor. Great.

Stephanie: And then having to and I'm sorry if you're hearing that text message sound. I don't know how to turn it off.

Erica: I'm not. Not at all. Oh, okay. Good.

Stephanie: You can edit that.

Erica: I can.

Stephanie: And then I decided that my personal sanity my personal sanity and my emotional state of being was probably more important in staying in this relationship. And believe it or not, I literally had I had a lot of women say to me, no. Don't leave him. He's got money. He's it's stable.

Stephanie: You don't know where you're gonna be going. And I was like, no. I kinda wanna be with somebody who loves me, who's in love with me, who loves themselves, who I think I could handle the finances on my own down the road with a it's I just wanted to be a true love relationship. Call it fairy tale. I don't care, but I wanted a partner.

Stephanie: I wanted a friend, an emotional attachment there. And I and I just didn't have that. I mean, he couldn't even discuss the issues in our relationship. He I mean, he could not get into emotional stuff. He it would just it just was really, really difficult for him.

Stephanie: So I it took me a couple of years of unsticking myself and peeling off the glue and discarding it. And it took me two years to actually really make the decision I've gotta go. And I don't know where I'm gonna go. And, but just believing that there's gotta be something on the other side that's better. And I went through five therapists looking for a therapist that could help me make the decision.

Stephanie: And I truly believe that no man is an island or woman, I should say. And at the most difficult times in our lives, we often find it difficult to reach out to others and ask for help, but that is when we should most do it. And believe it or not, the most unlikely people turned around and helped me at the at the most difficult moments of my life. And so in some cases, people who I thought would help me, people who were cons I considered close friends didn't or couldn't because they themselves couldn't understand the emotional or didn't wanna deal with the emotional side of things or the darkness. And then, of course, there's the others who rally around you.

Stephanie: They just wanna wallow in the darkness with you because they're having their own stuff. And so it was a really interesting time to sort of pull myself off the floor and figure out where I was going next. And it and I'd say it took me a good two to five years to really pull myself out of there and do a lot of self work and self reflection. And what did I do wrong in that relationship? How did I get stuck there?

Stephanie: Because at the end of the day, we do make our choices, And I'm I'm a firm believer of extreme ownership. And, yes, other people do things to us, but I'm also a firm believer that I'm responsible for my own feelings. I can't blame my feelings on somebody else. I can I can say, well, their actions caused my feelings possibly, but at the end of the day, I get to choose my feelings and how I respond and how I react to the things going on around me or to me? So that's that's where the sticky floor story starts.

Stephanie: And then it was it was, I'd say, an uphill battle from there to start my business and move out into a completely different city and literally start my world all over again.

Erica: Oh my gosh. Well, I love all of that. One of the things that you mentioned a few times was that it took you a few years. It took you two to five years. And I think it's so important to hone in on that, that, like, I tend to refer these all the time as sticky floor moments, but sometimes moments can last a long time.

Erica: But if you are buried in the concrete six feet under, you're not gonna get out the drop of a hat. It's gonna take a lot of time. It's gonna take a lot of reflection. And like you said, figuring out what your part was in all this. Right?

Erica: Because you fell in love with a man and the man who was that moment, and you need to take a seat to explore that. So I love that you shared that.

Stephanie: Yeah. And I think it's really important that we understand that it takes us a while to get in and out of things. It if you're really gonna do something right, they I mean, I don't know whether the statistic is correct or not, but they say it takes half as long. If you were married for five years, it takes you two and a half years to sort of get out of it. If you I mean, I was with that guy for twelve years and married for six.

Stephanie: So, I mean, I would say that really it took me a good yeah. Probably, honestly, it took me a good five years to sort of pull out and really feel confidence. And then getting away from negative sources, places, and to help you refresh and grow and learn through the things that and that reflection is super important. I think a lot of people often have a hard time looking in the mirror and looking internally. But at the end of the day, you I mean, you cannot be there for other people unless you can truly be there for yourselves.

Stephanie: And it just there's just so many things and so many great mentors that I had over the years. And starting my own business, I didn't know what I was doing, but I sought mentors and coaches and mastermind groups and things like that. And in some cases, they were super helpful for a short period of time. And in other cases, they that those people were still in my life. Reading, watching, learning from, a plethora of valid sources and finding advisers and accountability partners to help you get back on your feet again.

Stephanie: And when you wanna slide up off that sticky floor, you're gonna have setbacks. Then you're gonna have two feet forward, two feet back, whatever it is. Right. You're gonna make mistakes. And the longer we wallow in those mistakes versus where we just reflect and learn and move on, the longer we take to get off the sticky floor.

Stephanie: But I kind of threw myself into all kinds of crazy stuff. I became a certified laughter yoga, teacher, trainer, and leader. And I trained with three different organizations to get those certifications and learned about the science behind humor and laughter, why it's so incredibly important, and how health healthy and benefit the benefits are for our health, sorry, from from those types of things. I mean, laughter is the most contagious behavior we have. It's one of the most important things we have.

Stephanie: And play and laughter are actually prewired into our brains. And I talk a little bit about that in my book. My book is about storytelling, not necessarily about sticking for moments, but, essentially, we're telling stories here.

Erica: Yes. Then I actually I did read your book. So I'm glad you brought that up because throughout the entire book, you do. You bring up so many stories. And for those of you who are listening, I definitely recommend going out there buying it.

Erica: It's called Unlock the Magic of Story again by Stephanie Paul. You can get on Amazon. It'll be there in like one day because of the Amazon gods. But Yes. They work magic.

Erica: But Stephanie, you do a wonderful job just telling and weaving stories throughout it, but also engaging people so that they understand how it works and why it draws people in. So I think you I've I just I wanted to throw that out there. You do a really great job of that. So thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it.

Stephanie: Oh, thank you so much. Yeah. I don't it's I have a theory that I don't I don't even know if I mentioned my theory in the book. I maybe do, but that at some point I mean, we start telling stories from the age of two, and those stories get locked in with lies. The more plot and it's part of our brain development, psychology development as children, and the more plausible the lie, research have found the more likelihood that the child has become a more successful adult.

Stephanie: So I think I was a pretty good buyer as a two year old. But that whole thing is, like, at that age, I know I've heard parents say it and heard other and I've said it to kids, like my siblings' children and stuff growing up. Is that whole stop telling stories Mhmm. When you hear kids telling lies. And I think at some point, we transition from storytelling into facts and figures.

Stephanie: Mhmm. Because facts and figures become the quote, unquote truth. But the thing that we don't realize when we do that is our brains are prewired for stories. Our brains are not wired for facts and figures. Our brains are wired for images, pictures, sounds, feelings, and that's how we remember, and that's how we store stuff that's super important to us, and that's how we make our decisions is we go back into our limbic system where our emotional stories are stored, and we and we use those emotional stories to make our decisions moving forward.

Stephanie: And it's just a biological thing. So that's why stories are so incredibly powerful. In LA, getting myself off that sticky floor and out of that relationship before I even knew anything about the science and the training that I've had since, I knew that I needed a very powerful story or vision to help me move forward with and get out of that relationship because it was such a sweet spot that I was in apart from the emotional abuse and stuff. But as far as the external lifestyle goes, I mean, everybody thought we were the perfect We had money. We traveled.

Stephanie: Like, he had an amazing job. I was acting and doing stand up and blah blah blah blah blah. And we went we were friends, so you never saw us super arguing or anything like that. That was sort of something behind closed doors. Yeah.

Stephanie: But I had this vision. I had this vision of this really emotionally difficult situation that got me through not going back to him. Even when he tried to get me back a couple of years later, I used this vision of this moment in our life. Each time I felt like, oh my god. Maybe I've done the wrong thing.

Stephanie: Maybe I should go back. Maybe I used this visual of this thing that happened between us, and it just threw me straight into the, oh, hell no. I never go back there ever again because I never ever wanted to feel that way in that moment and the way he made me feel, the way I responded to the way he treated me. And so that was the story that kept me on the road to recovery and on the road to finding myself again, was using a negative story to create a positive moving forward, so to speak.

Erica: Yeah. Well, all of that, it just it's got my brain pinging in, like, 20 different directions. One of them is there's the that famous quote. I couldn't tell you who said it right now, but it's it's people will remember how you made them feel, not what you said. Or people will remember what

Stephanie: It's Maya Angelou. It's Maya Angelou. And it's people won't people will never remember what you said or what you did, but they'll always remember the way you made them feel.

Erica: Perfect. And that is a 100% true. Right? And, like, I always when I work with people and coach people, I always go back to that because that is such a huge part in working with people. Right?

Erica: And be me being in human resources a lot and coaching women and executive women, that is a big area that we always land on that you don't have to have every word perfect. But the feeling and the emotion that goes behind it is what is going to be remembered.

Stephanie: Oh, absolutely. And it's what's the it's what is gonna be read biologically by your brain first. So your limbic your reptilian brain and your limbic system reads and passes messages up to your neocortex, which is where logic, reason, and language is created. But we forget that we have to take out messages. Like, we received they received into our body through sight, audible, taste, whatever it is, fingers touch, and then they go up through our spine, and then they come into the base of our neck where that reptilian brain is, which is only instinctual.

Stephanie: It knows nothing about language or intelligence, and then it goes into the limbic system, which only knows tone of voice, emotions, and behavior, and it stores all your emotional memories before those two brains even send it to the neocortex where logic and reason and language is created. So it's really important that any form of communication is remembered that it's a vastly nonverbal Yeah. The way we communicate with each other. And although language and words are reported way they're delivered, majority of the way we receive messages is nonverbal. It's by reading people's microexpressions or and we have over 4,000 human behaviors.

Stephanie: So our and we read very fast, and we make judgments very quickly without logic and reason based on how biologically we read each other. And our neocortex might not exactly know what's going on, but you'll go, I just don't feel right about this. Yeah. You get, you know, married.

Erica: I'm 100 per I'm in my head, I'm imagining a couple of the times in my career when I've, like, walked into a room and you're like, oh, something is not going well here, and not a word is even said. And just having that visceral gut reaction of like, or even in a social atmosphere of like, I've gotta get out of here. You've got that gut instinct. So get the heck out. But I think that's extremely interesting.

Erica: To go back though to the marriage and the divorce and all of that, I think it's I mean, this is such an important topic that I think so many women go through and they stay stuck in this sticky floor because of so many of the reasons that your friends talk to you about. Like on the outside, you have the money, you could travel, you could do all the things. And especially in today's world of social media where that's what we put out there, all the good things, all the successful things that it's so hard to get unstuck because of all of society out there. Right. And like really facing that fear and, and getting out there for you when you decided to get out of the concrete unstuck, unglued, peel yourself out of there.

Erica: And looking for that support. Right? Because I think in a situation like this, support is so key. How did you go about doing that?

Erica: Hey there, listeners. If you have ever felt like you're stuck in a place, held back by self doubt, perfectionism, or that pesky inner critic, you're not alone. We all face those sticky floors that keep us from reaching the heights we dream of. But guess what? It's time to shatter those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities.

Erica: My book, Glassy Leads and Sticky Floors, is your ultimate guide to smashing through barriers, overcoming limiting beliefs, and stepping into your full potential. This book has been endorsed by none other than the great Mel Robbins, best selling author and motivational powerhouse. It's also been featured in Success Magazine, so you know it's packed with insights that work. Inside, you'll find real life sticky floor stories, practical strategies to help you navigate your own sticky floor moments, and a whole lot of inspiration to keep you climbing. This isn't just a book.

Erica: It's your roadmap to success, confidence, and freedom. Grab your copy of Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors today at www.ericaandersonrooney.com. Whether you're in the boardroom, the classroom, or just starting out, this book is for you because no one, and I mean no one, deserves to stay stuck, no one deserves to feel small, and you have glass ceilings to shatter. Let's do this.

Stephanie: A couple of different ways. I had some trusted girlfriends that a couple were close, couple weren't so close. I was really, really lucky. I have a now very close friend of mine who actually I trained underneath here, became a certified advocate for survivors of human trafficking because I've actually we with some of those, some of the speakers who tell their stories of how they got were trafficked and stuff when they were teenagers. She actually befriended me just before I left my ex husband, and she noticed something one day how uncomfortable I was.

Stephanie: We were having lunch together, and she's like, what's really going on? Because, of course, I'd sat down like, everything's great. Yeah. I'm all over the place. And because she's a has a doctorate in psychology and she specializes in domestic violence and trafficking, she was like, no.

Stephanie: Something's wrong. Something's off. And I started talking to her about how close I was to ending my marriage. And she supported me tremendously during that time. She was one of the people who catapulted me into starting my business.

Stephanie: And the first couple years, I would call on a frequent basis going, I can't do this. This is crazy. It's so hard. And she just kept me moving forward and just I just got I was lucky enough to seek mentors. I mean, I was I joined a couple of organizations that supported me.

Stephanie: I was really lucky. I got an opportunity to volunteer for a big huge TEDx event with either 2,000, attendees and between something speakers, and I started coaching there. And then I spent four years in that TED community. I even produced my own TEDx event. I got to go to Iran.

Erica: I read your story about Iran now. You'll have to buy the book people to read about it. Mhmm. It's a good one.

Stephanie: It's just it's right at the end of the book. Yeah. I mean, I'm always a true believer of surrounding myself with people who are smarter, fitter, stronger, more knowledgeable, more experienced, have made bigger mistakes than me, and I'm always willing to learn from them. And so you don't wanna be the smartest person in the room. You wanna be the dumbest person in the room with great people that support you.

Stephanie: And it's not always easy, but I think one of the other things that I learned is I mentioned two steps forward, couple of steps back is he ended up getting what I thought was a really great client. And then I realized I was in this emotional abusive relationship with my client. And after being three years with this client, I walked away from them, and they were essentially 40% of my income at the time. So I sent you I left another sticky floor relationship with the client. And if people were like some of my friends were just like, oh my god.

Stephanie: How could you do that? How are you gonna survive? I'm like, I'll survive. I'll figure it out. And other friends of mine, you have to do it.

Stephanie: You can't be work for somebody like that. And so I think just moving forward one foot and the other, and there is actually science behind this, is if we can freeze, we can fight, we can fly, or we can move forward. And when we move forward, even if the smallest of step and we celebrate that forward movement, we get ahead of dopamine. And whatever gives us dopamine continues to give us dopamine. So put down the beer and the glass of wine and pick up the tasks and the actions, and that will give you just as much dopamine.

Stephanie: So I think it was really just that. It's it's the art of moving forward, the art of seeking and testing and being aware because not everybody that wants to help is always appropriate for us as individuals. So making sure you've got the right people in the and I think really for me, it comes down to values is I truly know what my values are, and I spent some time really working on figuring those out, which is education, authenticity, courage, service, fun, and love. And those six six things, I truly live by, make all my decisions by them, and they propel me to do everything I do on a daily basis. And so I think figuring out what your values are because your values do depict your behavior Yep.

Stephanie: Will really help you overcome some of the stick on the floor. And, I think, give you the courage to move forward because it's not it's you know, I mentioned you mentioned, sorry, in your notes that it's there's some scary stuff. I did it even though it was scary. Well, I think just sometimes waking up and walking down the street is scary because The stories that you hear in the newspaper can be. So it's it's just it's just having the courage to move through the fear and keep going because we can't get to the other side.

Stephanie: And god knows, there's so many stories out there of people that get to their desk bed because there's one guarantee for all of us is we're not gonna live here forever. Yep. We're all going there eventually. And I just I just don't wanna wait. I just don't wanna be on my desk bed and going, oh my god.

Stephanie: I wish I did this. I wish I'd done that. I wish I'd changed, shifted, whatever, blah blah blah blah because there are people out there who feel just like you, who've experienced things worse than you Yeah. And are willing and I think that's the majority of people wanna be in service to others and help others and do the right thing.

Erica: Yeah. Well, I love that you said that, like, these are my core values and this is how I make all of my decisions because just in this short time, you've already talked about several very challenging decisions to make, right, that are not to be taken lightly, that really need a lot of time and attention, but you have those guiding principles and values to go back to. Right? So in this marriage, you could say, is this connecting with my value of love and authenticity? If it's great.

Erica: If it's not, get it the hell out of here. Right?

Stephanie: Yeah. And what I'm willing to offer, I have a free seven minute values video training exercise with a downloadable. If any of your listeners want it, they can reach out to me. It's a 100% free if they wanna, like they don't know more their values are. They wanna, like, test it out.

Stephanie: They wanna whatever. It's a it's a free training that I offer, and it and it takes ten minutes to watch the video and, like, download the PDF, but it might take you a couple of months to really dial in and figure out what your true values are.

Erica: No. I think that'll be great, and we can get it linked in the show notes because I think that is an excellent place for people to start who are feeling like they are stuck. Right? And sometimes we need to revisit that because we get so lost in things like relationships or toxic work environments that we kind of lose what our values are. And I think that would be a really great place for people to kinda kick start and help to peel away the glue and the concrete that we talked about.

Erica: I know. Thank you. We will have to get that shared. So that being said, I mean, you've got so many gems. If you are the Stephanie of today, right, looking back at the Stephanie who is busting out of the twelve year relationship, married six times, doesn't know what's ahead.

Stephanie: No. I wasn't I wasn't married six times. I was married six

Erica: Oh, did I say married six times? Married six

Erica: years. Yeah.

Stephanie: Six years. I don't

Erica: know what man is. Tacking them on there for you.

Stephanie: I don't know if I have the stamina to be married six times.

Erica: Oh, man. What would you tell that Stephanie today now that you are where you are and

Stephanie: What I mean, I through that marriage and through that relationship, I got so many phenomenal experiences, but I look back with now everything that I know, and I should have listened to my instincts. My instincts in the beginning told me that he might not be a deeply loving person.

Erica: Yes.

Stephanie: Yet I got caught up in that moment of my father dying and seeing that this deeply loving person, this deeply affectionate person, which I only saw for about three months, and then I never saw him again. I mean, he was supportive and helpful in many ways, but, that deep love that is one of my the values just was only there for a very short space and time. And I think if I actually really truly listen to the behavior and not the words. Right? Remember how I was talking earlier about a large portion of the lab between and caters nonverbal.

Stephanie: Whose nonverbals told me that he wasn't that deeply loving person that I really truly wanted to be with and call it call it a fairy tale romance or whatever. But I think in many cases, people don't marry for the right reasons. They marry for that night on a white horse and all the thing, all the checklists that we're told that are really, really important. And I think at the end of the day, the most important thing is do you hold the same values as the person that you want to have a relationship with or are in a relationship with? And if you do hold the same values, do you not always necessarily get to agree?

Stephanie: But looking back on that relationship, we didn't hold the same values. Now and I should never have married him. Part of the reason why I married him is on my father's deathbed and call this, like, whatever, dramatic. But he said to my mother, and she reiterated it to me after he passed away, that after he met my ex in New York, he was like, oh, I really hope she marries him. He's a he's a great guy, and he's got a lot going forward, and he can support her.

Stephanie: And because my father, I would had an acting career, and he said, when is she gonna give up this acting thing and get a real job? Even though I was always working in production, I we I mean, I did a lot of stuff in the industry. I didn't just act. But I think that was a big catapult is doing something that my parents wanted me to do, that my parents would be proud of, that my parents would be supportive of. When in many cases, I hadn't done that at all.

Stephanie: I'd always been driven by my desires to travel the world and work in the entertainment industry. So I think that was also the big thing is making that choice to marry him when it wasn't really much, like, something that I truly deeply wanted, and it was something my father wanted. So getting that parental The parental myanis. Yeah. That parental approved.

Stephanie: It's some of these things are so biologically ingrained in us that it's it's it's hard to make the decisions that are right for us, which going back to that whole values things, which is why I think that they're so important, is stick by those guns. And don't make decisions based on how other people foresee you. And who cares what how other people see you? Because if they see you in a negative light, they're not your tribe. They're not who you wanna hang out with.

Stephanie: Right? Find the people that have the same values. Hang out with them. Those are the people that motivate us. Those are people that inspire us.

Stephanie: Those are people that support us. People that have different values are interested in different things, and you can't float around. So hang out with your squares if you're square. Or hang out with the circles if you're

Erica: Yeah. One thing that I always the question I always go back to when I'm making a big life decision or I feel like I'm, stuck in a fork in the road is what's the worst thing that could happen here? Yeah. And a lot of times when I, I really sit down and I write it out, it is the stupidest things that I am a fearful of. And a lot of it is like, oh, what, what will they say?

Erica: What will they think? And it's like, you've got to cut that bullshit out. Right. Because what's that gonna do? And, I have yet so far to come across in my life, Something that I'm like, but that is pretty bad.

Erica: I'm not gonna go down that road because that's gotta be like something huge, like death or bankruptcy. So it's, it's really laying it out. Like, what are, what are we really that scared of? What's the worst that could happen?

Stephanie: Well, it's interesting you bring that up because I talk a lot about the biology in our brains and stuff, and we as human beings are either in biological comfort or biological discomfort, but our brains are constantly assessing risk. And our brains are designed to keep us safe. Now so when we wanna do something that feels risky, there's only about eighteen percent of the population that enjoys risk. The rest of the population gets quite concerned and so pulls back from any form of risk. So that's that's I'm I'm certified at five behavioral and psychological sciences that I use, which is like DISC driving forces, which is your internal motivators and EQ, which is emotional intelligence and soft skills, DNA, all that kind of stuff.

Stephanie: So I use these with my clients as a cornerstone to see where they're at and how they show up so that we can help them in their best light move forward with their blind spots, opportunities for growth, all their strengths. And I just find that it's super important that when you feel yourself being a little bit apprehensive and moving forward on something that you feel like logically and reasonably you should do, but it's kinda scary. Just move forward in a in a small way, in a micro expression. And you can do it slowly. You can do it daily, whatever that is, which is another reason why I think when we first discussed things, we talked about mentorship.

Stephanie: And mentorship is a great way to help us trigger things like oxytocin, which is a powerful chemical that has the effect of boosting your mood and it counteracts the effects of cortisol, which is, like, the stress hormone, and it and it brings on oxytocin. And both a mentor and a mentee, if they're in a really positive, good relationship, will build trust and release these chemicals and move forward together. And this is a biological thing. It's it's it's crazy. So these types of things, if we just use our biology and try and take out our feelings out of it a little bit, we can actually do amazing things because you can teach your brain to believe just about anything.

Stephanie: Right? Your brain doesn't know the difference between real and fake, which is why actors can behave truthfully under images imaginary circumstance because all they've done is learn how to retrain their brains and create emotions or chemicals in their body that are believable because they create feelings and then our brains go, oh, yeah. That's real. And then we laugh and cry and move along with the story and great movies with pictures, sounds, and feelings, if that makes any sense at all.

Erica: No. It does. And I've actually it I've got a question for you based off of that. You said 18% of the population, like, really enjoys the risk. Right?

Erica: And is it can you train your brain to gravitate towards being okay with taking risk? Is that the natural natural inclination is the 18%, or how does that work?

Stephanie: So it just based on the disc, which is the 18%, what is that? Eighteen percent. It's eighteen percent of the population who have taken the particular disc that I am certified and trained in. And so, yeah, I wanna clarify that so I'm not, like, misquoted. If it's the whole world, it's it's just world.

Stephanie: Yeah. It's just in their particular, but they are an international company. So DISC stands for dom d stands for dominance, how you approach problems and challenges. It does not mean you're a dominatrix. It does not mean you wanna whip people into shape.

Stephanie: It just means how you approach problems and challenges. So high d people are often very dominant in their communication. They're very direct. They're not sort of soft soft and fluffy about things. They wanna get to the bottom line.

Stephanie: Mhmm. And they're task oriented. They're fast paced and they're task oriented. And so if you give a high d or list of things to get done, and it's something that motivates them. They'll get that list down before anybody else gets a bleep on it.

Stephanie: Yep. And then the I stands for influence. How you influence to persuade others to your way of thinking. So often when we see people in sales are very good very good salespeople, I should say, are usually high i's. They're chatty caddies.

Stephanie: They can make you feel warm and comfortable and all those cup kind of things. And then your s stands for steadiness, the pace at which you'd like to approach the environment, which usually is a slower pace. They the i's and the s's are people oriented. They're not task oriented. High i's are fast paced, though, and high s's are slow paced.

Stephanie: But you usually find people in service and HR areas have quite a bit of s. And then c stands for compliance, and I like to say how naughty you are. But compliance really is how you comply to other people's rules and regulations or rules and regulations set by others. So and they are usually slow paced and task oriented. So that's like if you're accountants and you're a forensic lawyers and things like that, they're more detail oriented.

Stephanie: So the other three styles, IS and C, don't tend to lean towards risk. They're slower paced. They wanna know more details. The i's will be more thinking like, oh, and I'm generalizing here because there's so many other concerns. The i's will be more like, well, how will other people see me?

Stephanie: Whereas d's don't care. They will they will look at risk, and they'll be like, this is the challenge. And they love a challenge, and they love to win. So in many cases, they'll actually pivot themselves in such a way, and they'll make sure that their i's and t's are crossed so that they can win, and they can achieve the challenge and win in the least risky way. But it might seem or appear risky to other people.

Stephanie: Does that make sense?

Erica: Oh, absolutely. And, I've actually taken the disc before. I love it. I rate very high I followed by very closely by a d. K.

Erica: And I will share, I had one story. We did it as a team and I went to my leader at the time we did a team training and I went to him after and I was like, okay, he's very green blue. I've gotta be like very detail or to focus only on that. And he knew that I was the flip side of him. So we both came to this conversation and I was like, here's the Excel spreadsheet with all the data that you need.

Erica: And he was like,

Stephanie: hold on, hold on, hold on. How's the family? She

Erica: did. Everyone, we sort of took it. We, like, listened to that training and we took it completely to the opposite side. We had to learn how to meet in the middle.

Stephanie: No. It's it's it's amazing. Like, I've done a lot of team trainings like that, and it's always interesting when you see the opposing styles trying to do the exercises together and approach each other in something in a way that it just feels completely unnatural because of the end of

Erica: the day 100%. Never in my life and never in his life would we have approached that conversation in that manner. But I always remember that story with such fondness because it was like, well, we did listen.

Stephanie: Yeah. And it's I always say to my clients, pray. I give them the pages and their reports, and I'm like, memorize these pages so that you can approach opposing styles because you can see that the cool thing about DISC is it's observable behavior. It's you can observe when some I mean, I was gonna say before we even said it, you're a high eye, and I've only met you once before today for a brief conversation. And so it's observable behavior, and you can go, okay.

Stephanie: This person's coming at me super strong, super direct. They're a high d. Don't ask them any details. Just get into the bottom line. Be bright, be brief, be gone.

Stephanie: Yep. Whereas a high s is gonna wanna build trust with you slowly. They're gonna have a much slower conversation. They're gonna wanna understand. They're going and then you're not gonna wanna be too close to you if you're in the same room with each other.

Stephanie: A high eye. They're gonna wanna talk let them talk all about themselves. Let them tell stories,

Erica: I guess. And here I am hosting a podcast.

Stephanie: Exactly. Exactly. So it's all relative, but those some of those things were super helpful for me in pulling myself off that floor and moving forward and getting all those certifications and reading a lot of books. And even if you're not, like, a bookworm and like to read a lot of books, you can you can watch content online now. There's so much free stuff out there.

Stephanie: There's so many great people to follow. But that is also part of the five people that you spend most time with are most influential on your behaviors in your life. And that doesn't just mean your husband, your wife, your kids, your people at work. It also means the content that you're watching, the people who influence you. So if there's somebody who you idolize, I don't know if idolization is a really good thing, but who is a great speaker or a great leader or a great mentor, flip their stuff into your video content instead of watching television for, you know, ten or fifteen years.

Erica: Listen to those podcasts. I mean, I'm a I'm a huge fan of just putting the podcast in my ear while I go out and fold laundry or go out for a walk. But I'm glad you actually said that because I do believe in that the five people that you were closest to, but I never actually thought to apply it to the content that I am exposing my brain to.

Stephanie: Mhmm. I was a I was a behavioral, yep, behavioral expert who's a colleague of mine. I do his storytelling training stuff, and he's done a webinar or two with me. And we were we were talking about it just the other day, and he was like, yeah. It doesn't just apply to the five people you actually spend time with.

Stephanie: It applies to the five influential most influential people or content that you've continue to fill your brain with. So it's that's just as important as just the people you hang out with.

Erica: No. I love it. I love it. So, Stephanie, what is next on the Verizon for you?

Stephanie: Next on the horizon for me. Well, well, I do have a book in the in my in the back of my mind that I that I'm starting to tinker around with it. I haven't jotted anything down, but I did just recently do an article for the Regulatory Society of America. Those are the people that deal with the FDA. So we'll we'll see what happens there.

Stephanie: That because that's all on mentorship. My book was just released last month, so it's kind of fresh on the market. And, yeah, looking at starting a woman in leadership mastermind group, actually, in the very near future, and just to help some of the ladies that I've been working with and reached out to some that might not have the budgets for, you know, one to one coaching or training. Because I know companies that don't always have training budgets, so I'm trying to I wanted to start it to be cognizant of that so that women know it. They don't have necessarily the resources, but our management or director roles or VPs or something like that, that they could get support at a reasonable cost.

Stephanie: So that's also on the on the horizon. And then just slugging away, I'm on the board of directors for the Alzheimer's Association, Orange County, and I've just been asked to join the board of directors for oh my god. I just walked out of my head. The innocent the Innocent Lives Foundation, which is a nonprofit organization that helps hand over criminal rings who are taking images of children and things like that and selling them online. I'm I'm a bit, certified advocate for survivors of human trafficking, which I see it, and I'm very, very passionate about trying to help shut down that kind of stuff that goes on.

Stephanie: And because That's that's so awesome. I love it. Help other people get out of their sticky moments that they didn't necessarily wanna get into.

Erica: Yeah. That they don't need to be in. Well, awesome. Well, Stephanie, where can everybody find you? Because you've got so much awesome stuff going on.

Stephanie: Well, stephaniepaulinc.com is my website. I also that I think that's that's my LinkedIn is then forward slash Stephanie Paul Inc. My Instagram is Stephanie e Paul Inc, I think. But, I mean, all my images are the same on all my social media so that I'm easy to find. Like, I don't have different headshots.

Stephanie: They're all it's all the same. So Okay. I do have a Twitter, but I'm not really tweet tweeting very often. It's so but I do have Instagram, Facebook. I have a Facebook group, which is executive storytellers.

Stephanie: So, yeah, that is me in the nutshell.

Erica: And I'll tell everybody I'm in the Facebook group. She shows a lot of great content there, but I will link all of your website. I'll I'm definitely gonna link the Amazon link to your book so that people can get that, from their friends, the Amazon gods. This is a great read. But, Stephanie, thank you so much for your time.

Erica: You have shared so many gems, and I appreciate you getting vulnerable and open talking about your sticky floor moments when divorce and finding yourself and getting to the place where you are today, which I think is just awesome. You've you're running your own company. You're the on the board for all of these great causes that end human trafficking. And it's just awesome to talk to you. So thank you so much for your time.

Stephanie: Thank you so much for having me, Erica. I really enjoyed it.