Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have HER Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. HER Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career and life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside HER Collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone. Welcome to the Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors podcast, the podcast where we get real about the challenges women face in work, life, and leadership. I'm your host, Erica Rooney, HR executive, keynote speaker, and executive coach, and I'm on a mission to get more women into positions of power and keep them there. This is the space where we call out the paradoxes: being told to lean in but not too far, to speak up but not too loudly, to be ambitious but not too ambitious. Does that sound familiar?

Erica: Yeah. We're over all that. Here, we break down the sticky floors that keep us stuck, from imposter syndrome and perfectionism to burnout and fear, and give you real strategies to shatter those glass ceilings once and for all. So if you're ready to rewrite the rules, own your power, and take your career and life to the next level, you're in the right place. Today's guest is a brilliant mind and a trusted partner to some of the world's most accomplished leaders, helping them move beyond performance to true fulfillment and impact.

Erica: Dr. Benah Parker is an acclaimed executive performance coach, strategic advisor, and social psychologist. As the founder of Level 42 Consulting, she works with elite leaders and high performers who are at the top of their game but may feel stuck, unfulfilled, or navigating complex, high stakes, high pressure situations. Dr. Parker specializes in helping clients achieve clarity, elevate their influence, and find deep alignment without compromising their authentic selves. So please welcome Dr. Benah Parker. Dr. Benah, how are you?

Dr. Benah Parker: I'm doing great. Thank you so much for letting me be here today.

Erica: Oh, I am so pumped, and I kind of want to just dive in. Right? Because psychology, strategic leadership, we're talking about all of it. And with your background as a social psychologist, how did you transition into becoming a strategic advisor and an executive performance coach? What was that moment that led you to develop this unique approach?

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah. When I went into grad school getting my PhD, social psychology was interesting to me. I started studying leadership at the age of 14. As you go through college, you kind of figure out what you want to do, and I loved psychology, this idea of understanding human behavior.

Dr. Benah Parker: A lot of it comes back to just being curious about how we shape who we are. As I got into social psychology, I always say, when I tell people I'm a psychologist, I'm not a therapist, I'm not a clinician. But social psychology is the study of how the group impacts the individual and how the individual impacts the group. So this idea of self and identity and leadership kind of all comes together in social psychology. I'm driven to understand those things.

Dr. Benah Parker: But for me, going through graduate school, getting a PhD, the path is kind of academia. Going down that route, I wasn't quite feeling it. I liked the teaching, I liked the research, but the combination of the two just wasn't it for me. So I spent several years in public policy. I did some policy work. I went the corporate route for a few years. I went back into the nonprofit circles. And all along the way, the thing that I loved was building up the people around me, whether it was graduate students, other leaders, or in corporate training, executives, and helping people get to that next level. Finally, I reached a point where I was like, well, if I'm finding these ways within my job to make this thing that lights me up, it's time to just go out there and do it myself.

Dr. Benah Parker: So it's been eight years now. The name of my company is Level 42 Consulting, and it was my 40th birthday present to myself. That's where the name came from. And I just turned 50 last month, so I've been doing this for a while, girl.

Erica: I love that. Congratulations, and happy birthday. Level 42. I love it. Alright. You talk a lot about the strategic identity shift, and your work is really grounded in this. So can you walk us through what this framework is, what it entails, and how does it help leaders move beyond the hacks and the hustle to really achieve that deeper alignment?

Dr. Benah Parker: Absolutely. The thing that I love about approaching all this work from the lens of identity is that along the way, all of us pick up so many of our identities, our social rules, our beliefs about ourselves unintentionally, unconsciously. Whether it's where you were born, the family unit you were born into, your religious beliefs, your political beliefs, the country, all of these different groups you are a part of, either by choice or by default, they help shape who you believe you are supposed to be and what's expected of you. Along the way, a lot of those identities become who we are, and we don't realize a lot of the time that we have a choice in which identities we want to continue having.

Dr. Benah Parker: We don't choose the ones we pick up, but somewhere along the way, we can go, wait a second, I've jumped through all these hoops, I've done all these things because I believed that in order to be the best daughter or the best mom or whatever title is most salient and relevant in that moment, I have a collection of beliefs about what that looks like and what that means. A lot of those identities help us become very successful until you get to a point of going, wait a second, there's a disconnect. I'm doing all these things I'm supposed to do, and I'm burned out. I'm exhausted. I'm not fulfilled. I'm following these rules. I'm finding myself doing these things and feeling like a martyr.

Dr. Benah Parker: I'm disconnected from why I started these behaviors in the first place. So my approach is saying, well, then let's be intentional with the identity you are shaping. It's not just about who you've been in the past, but who are you being in this moment and who is it that you want to become? Because when we recognize that we can be intentional with who we're becoming, we can say, well, I want to have or be or do some of these things, but that's not who I am, that's imposter syndrome coming up.

Dr. Benah Parker: That's not who I can't have that, I can't do these things. Well, then it becomes about, what is the identity of the person who does have those things, who does achieve those things? And how do we become strategic about shaping that identity for ourselves?

Dr. Benah Parker: My framework, the Strategic Identity Shift, has five steps. They all start with the letter R, so we're going to go through them. The first step is revealing. This is a step where it's about recognizing those internal narratives, that discourse we have about ourselves, that maybe isn't helping us get to the next level. It's keeping us in that comfort zone. Like I said, maybe it served to get you here, but it's not going to get you there. So in step one, we reveal. What is it that we believe about who we are and what we're supposed to do? And where is that creating the structure, the comfort zone, that's really keeping us small? What is that narrative about who we're supposed to be that we believe, that doesn't serve us, and that we actually don't have to hold on to anymore?

Dr. Benah Parker: Step two is reclaiming. This is about going back to what are the pieces of myself that I've minimized or put to the side or ignored along the way, because yes, I'm super creative, but I didn't need to be creative, I needed to be productive, and I've let that piece go. How do we reclaim that and go, wait, these are pieces of myself that have value, that I value? Or even the pieces that maybe have a hint that are there, and you've never given yourself permission to explore them. I grew up as a trombonist for a dozen years. I grew up as a musician.

Erica: Girl, I played bass clarinet. I could send you the most embarrassing picture.

Dr. Benah Parker: I marched for a long time. I was vice president of the Longhorn Band in college. I took that all the way through college, and I loved it. It was an amazing part of my identity for a long time. But here I am, almost thirty years later, and I go, oh, I haven't played music in a long time. I own a guitar. I don't play it.

Dr. Benah Parker: I go, oh, wait, what if I go reclaim this identity as somebody who is musical? Doesn't mean I'm going to be good at it ever again. Doesn't mean I was great at it back then. It was fun. But that second step is about reclaiming. What are the pieces of yourself that you have let fall by the wayside, or that you really want to explore now that you've never done? So first step is reveal. Second step, reclaim.

Dr. Benah Parker: Third step is redefining. This is where that work of being intentional about what is the identity I need to go forward. How do I redefine success, not for who I've been, but for who I am and who I want to become? This redefining step is where we get to dig in and go, okay, what are your core values now? People can say they know what their values are, but let's dig into what they are for this stage of your life and the stage that you're building.

Dr. Benah Parker: We throw around the word legacy, but let's be intentional with the identity that's needed to achieve those goals and that legacy we want to leave, that impact we want to have. The fourth step is all about reinforcing. This comes back to what are the frameworks, the processes, the structures, this can get very structured and tactical, but it's reinforcing what pieces we need to have in place for this identity to develop and for us to refine it along the way. And the fifth step is about radiating.

Dr. Benah Parker: Now we have this identity. We have some conceptualization of what it looks like, what it's going to feel like, what are the behaviors, what are the decisions, and how do we go out and actually embody that for our next level of growth, our next level of what we want to do with our lives, whether it's professional, whether it's personal. And honestly, most of the time it's both. And that's the framework, those five steps.

Erica: I'm loving the five steps. But where I began to have an existential crisis was right at the beginning, when we started talking about this issue of people not intentionally choosing their identity.

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah.

Erica: And it made me start to think about, like, well, damn, girl, at what age did you start to choose your identity? It had me thinking, I do feel like I finally made that decision. It was probably in my late thirties, early forties.

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah.

Erica: But it made me then think, okay, I'm a pretty enlightened person, I try to be in tune with myself. But there are so many people out there who maybe haven't even recognized that they are living these identities they've never chosen.

Dr. Benah Parker: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And the thing is, it's not even always about replacing the identity. Sometimes it's simply that redefinition, that realignment with it.

Dr. Benah Parker: I talk a lot about alignment, and it can be this kind of esoteric concept. But when you go, there's something just off. I know it was first grade that I was called a gifted kid. And I go, great, I'm one of the smart ones. And when you're six, you're like, I get to go take an extra class, I did logic puzzles, which I still love and all those kinds of things. But there becomes a time when that gifted kid syndrome is real, where all of a sudden you think, well, if I'm not achieving, then I'm not valuable. I'm going to go get a whole poster of gold stars because the gold star is a reward. And then you get to a stage of your life and go, what do I do with all these gold stars? Who told me that was valuable?

Dr. Benah Parker: It's not necessarily about disconnecting it, but it's about, okay, how do I go forward and go, no, I love the pat on the head, I can own that, I like the gold star and the recognition, but that gold star has to mean something more for me now. And I go, what are my own gold stars? It's that time with the kids. It's being able to be, and it's that redefinition piece that means I can still be that gifted kid. I'm still the high achiever, high performer, all of those things, but it's about changing your relationship with when that identity was initially formed, especially those ones that we picked up along the way. You've grown since then, hopefully. Your understanding of that identity, your relationship to that identity can grow and transform along the way too.

Erica: What kind of advice would you give somebody who maybe they're struggling with their identity? Maybe they're looking around at those gold stars and wondering what they're supposed to do with them, but they don't know. What is that next step? Looking at your framework, if they're stuck and they know they're not in the place they want to be, are they jumping into reveal, are they going to reclaiming? Where do we go?

Dr. Benah Parker: The thing that's interesting is a lot of people don't think about identity. I do, this is my space, it's where I nerd out. And a lot of people have no idea that their identity even plays a role in it. But the interesting thing is, as humans, we want to stay true to the identity that we hold of ourselves. So if somebody says, hey, here's this opportunity, most people just go, oh, that's not me, and they don't even realize that identity is a part of it. So I don't think a lot of people come to me going, oh hey, I'm out of alignment with my identity. That's not a thing most people know. But it's these other symptoms and signs that are showing up. It's that disconnect. It's saying, I jumped through all the hoops and I've done everything right, so why do I feel like this?

Dr. Benah Parker: I invested all this time building this career, and I have this amazing title and a great paycheck, and I've got the office, and I've got all this respect, and I'm empowered with this authority to do these things, and something's missing. That's when the reveal really comes in. We go, okay, cool, you've done all these things, let's dig into what that gap is. What did you expect you were going to get? And that's when this identity piece kind of comes in.

Dr. Benah Parker: I can go, okay, great, you have this identity of what it means to be a leader or what it means to be a mom or what it means to be all the different hats we wear. I'm philanthropic, I volunteer, I'm engaged in these ways, and you have an identity of who that's supposed to be. But then listen back to who you actually are and go, great, but what do you actually want? There's a little bit of luxury in being able to ask those questions. I am very aware of that, that there are moments you just go, I have to be this because I have to pay the bills, and that's what's needed. But when you get to that moment of going, something's not right, I'm disconnected, I'm not fulfilled, I'm doing all the things right, on paper everything looks so successful, and I find myself self sabotaging.

Dr. Benah Parker: I say I'm going to go to the gym and work out because I know it's good for my body, but then it doesn't happen. That's the reason New Year's resolutions don't work. People think, oh, it's the start of the year, I'm going to go get healthy, and you do these things, and you can do them for a while just by gritting your teeth, and that whole "it takes however many days to make a habit" thing, that's based on whatever side of research, that's not how habits work. When you say, okay, well, you're doing these things because you want to achieve a goal, you want to get stronger, you want to get slimmer, you want to get more toned, whatever, but if you do these things because it's who you are, because you have an identity of a person who is healthy or a person who is an athlete... One of the things I always loved about the Peloton instructors is, you're an athlete, no matter what stage you're at in this journey, you showed up today, you're an athlete. And every time they say that on one of the rides, I go, that is speaking to identity.

Dr. Benah Parker: Because when somebody accepts this identity of being somebody who is athletic or who is healthy, then they do these behaviors because it's who they are, not because of a goal they're trying to achieve. So when people come and say there's a disconnect, I go, great, then what is the identity that you really want to embrace that will help you do these behaviors? Because those behaviors contribute to who you are.

Erica: Hey there, listeners. If you have ever felt like you're stuck in a place, held back by self doubt, perfectionism, or that pesky inner critic, you're not alone. We all face those sticky floors that keep us from reaching the heights we dream of. But guess what? It's time to shatter those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities.

Erica: My book, Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors, is your ultimate guide to smashing through barriers and doing that work. Inside, you'll find real life sticky floor stories, practical strategies to help you navigate your own sticky floor moments, and a whole lot of inspiration to keep you climbing. This isn't just a book, it's your roadmap to success, confidence, and freedom. Grab your copy of Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors today at www.ericaandersonrooney.com.

Erica: Whether you're in the boardroom, the classroom, or just starting out, this book is for you, because no one, and I mean no one, deserves to stay stuck, no one deserves to feel small, and you have glass ceilings to shatter. Let's do this. This is also ping ponging around in my brain, this whole idea of growing up. We always thought that models had to be these Amazon tall, blonde women with huge features, strikingly gorgeous, probably from Sweden. Right?

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah, like my 17 year old daughter is just textbook what models are supposed to look like. It's terrifying as a mom.

Erica: But this is what I love about the world we live in, we have all of these so-called plus size supermodels, but really it's just normal bodies. We're getting normal women up there, and it's publicly challenging this concept of identity. This is an identity of a supermodel, this is an identity of a scientist, this is an identity of a CEO. We're all challenging those things. Hopefully the generations below us will see those things and be able to more easily see themselves in those types of roles. I feel like the women of our generation grew up with such restrictive possibilities of what could actually be. My mom was a nurse because she could either be a teacher or a nurse. Those were the two real occupations she could have as a woman, as a single mom raising kids.

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah.

Erica: So I find all of this work about identity so interesting. But I'm going to throw you a curveball here, because I love it when I get these PhDs who are so specialized. What was the most surprising or fascinating thing that you learned or discovered about identity in your career?

Dr. Benah Parker: Oh my goodness, I don't know. I feel like I've been learning along the whole way. I got my PhD twenty years ago this summer, which is crazy. And I'm not necessarily in the research like I was back in academia, but even just doing the work with my clients, there are these moments that become a really powerful lens. I think I even wrote about this in my grad school application letters, that moment in Alice in Wonderland where the caterpillar has the hookah and he leans over to her and just goes, who are you? That question has resonated in my head for decades.

Dr. Benah Parker: But when I have these conversations, both learning about identity, how it's formed, and the impact it has on us, it can lead to resilience and all these other pieces. For me, the part that's fascinating is that when you come back to this question of who are you, not just who have you been, but who do you want to be, it becomes a really powerful framework for a lot of the ways people show up, the way we communicate, the way we lead, the way we interact with others, and even the way we speak to ourselves. Because the voice we hear most often is the one in our heads, and we can choose again. I've labeled some of these things for myself. I'm like, oh, that's my mean girl voice, and she has a name.

Dr. Benah Parker: Sometimes Agatha is real mean to me, and I go, that's not me, that's Agatha, she's in a mood, I can take some of what she's saying as truth, but that tone doesn't go anywhere for me. So I would say the biggest thing is that when we recognize how much our identity really shapes even the things we see as opportunities, the way we perceive the world, it can be really powerful.

Erica: Tell me more about that, because I love this concept of opportunities. In my work, I see the people who see opportunity at every turn, and then I see the people who see no opportunities.

Dr. Benah Parker: Yes, yes, yes. This is one of the things I love about psychology. We think about heuristics, they're cognitive shortcuts, because the reality is we are bombarded all the time by way more information than we can possibly process in detail. That was even true before the internet, but now with a twenty four hour news cycle, we create cognitive shortcuts. This is where stereotypes come in, this is where all these beliefs we have about out groups come in, not because we necessarily want to rely on stereotypes, but because they serve a cognitive purpose. And when we choose what we are focusing on, those things become available to us.

Dr. Benah Parker: There's an availability heuristic. If you start reading about plane crashes, you're going to find a lot of information about plane crashes out there. The example I love is when you start shopping for cars, all of a sudden you have an idea of a car in your mind, and when you're out in the world, you see them everywhere. It's simply that you shifted your neural network, your pathway, to focus on something different.

Dr. Benah Parker: We all have default modes. If your life experience was really hard, you might have a victim approach, you might have a scarcity mindset, these things that served big survival needs. Along the way, we have a choice of going, okay, that's kept me in this space and I'm very comfortable feeling uncomfortable all the time, and recognizing that there's a choice of going, wait, if I shift my focus, if I shift my self talk, if I shift what I'm looking for in these opportunities, then those opportunities are going to show up. One of my clients used to talk about how when he was in college, he was never aware that any girls might have been hitting on him. And I've known him for a while, and I said, no, people were hitting on you back then, you just had the blinders on. It wasn't until he became much more clear in his confidence that he went, oh, that person, that conversation, that might have been an opportunity? And it's shifting that awareness. It changes what you even perceive as being possible.

Erica: I love that you use that example. I've heard the thing about the car. I've incorporated that a little bit with my own kids. I tell them to look for angel numbers. Do you know what those are? Like 111, 444, 11:11.

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah.

Erica: Yes. So now these kids look for them a little too much, because they'll be like, look, I just wrote down one one one, and I'm like, that's not the same. But I love that because it makes me feel like maybe I'm setting them up to start looking for opportunities, because I'm teaching them that if you look for things, you will find those things.

Erica: But I want to take a slightly left turn and talk a little bit about clarity amidst complexity, because we are living in the most complex world at the most complex time that I can ever really imagine. How do you help people, or what advice would you give someone who wants to find clarity so that they can make better decisions without compromising their integrity, their identity, and their well being?

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah, there are so many steps you can take, and the reality is some of them are the most basic. They can sound woo woo depending on how you implement them. But there are those moments when the world is spinning and there are 85 billion things that need your attention immediately and half the world's on fire, and my advice to my clients in those moments is stop. Take a moment. Take that pause and take the deep breath. My daughter has had some anxiety attacks, and there are moments where I'm like, take the breath, and she'll breathe at me very aggressively. She would be like, I'm breathing, and I'm like, no, take the breath, take the pause, take the deep breath, feel it in your lower lungs. And all of a sudden there can be some clarity in the world.

Dr. Benah Parker: There's a moment where you take the pause, take the breath, recognize that your shoulders are not earrings, release your jaw, release your shoulders, relax your body, change your physical state. Sometimes the best thing to do in a moment of crisis is walk outside, put your feet in the grass. You need this pattern interrupt, because in those moments where we feel so complex, when we feel like everything needs our attention and the world's going to fall apart if I don't do this thing, interrupt that. Because it is just a pattern, it is a habit, it is part of the struggle you have created that might have helped you survive, might have helped you achieve, but it's now hurting you, it's now harming you. It's affecting how you show up as a leader. It's affecting how you show up with your family. Take the pause. There are things you can do, a power move, something that interrupts your focus. But changing your physical state, changing your focus, changing your self talk, these are all very big things that can break that complexity down and give you the space to have the clarity of going, okay, wait, what is the thing that is most urgent in this moment? Or what is even not urgent, but what is the thing that is most important in this moment? Because it may not be the thing that's most urgent.

Dr. Benah Parker: The most important thing might be going, whoo, I know I'm spinning out, I need to go have a snack and get some water, because I'm going to show up much more clearly for everybody who's relying on me in this moment if I don't have to pee. There are moments when I say the best thing to do is go get water and go to the bathroom and then come back, because your own physical distress has gotten so high because you are mentally focused on everything else. Go take care of yourself in this moment, and you're going to show up a thousand times better for yourself and for everybody who's counting on you. So a lot of clarity in that moment is the pause.

Erica: Yeah, so the very first step in my SNAP method, which is what I work through in my book, is stop and notice what's going on in your body, because the body is going to tell you what's up before your brain can catch up.

Dr. Benah Parker: When you're having a whole conversation through your teeth, you're like, whew, relax that.

Erica: Yes, relax that. And I tell people all the time, and I think it's important to remember, when you have these moments where your body does not feel, quote, normal, sometimes these things pass by you so quickly. For example, back when I was in corporate America, if we were sitting around a big table of executives and I had an idea that I wanted to share but was nervous about it, I would be sitting there ping ponging back in my head, do I speak now, do I say it, what do I do, and I'd be nervous and my heart would be racing, and then the moment would pass me by, and I would be relieved, but then also a little disappointed in myself.

Dr. Benah Parker: And the disappointment might come later when you're like, oh, I should've said it, and then somebody else says your idea and you go, I had that idea, why didn't I say it?

Erica: A hundred percent. But my point being, if you remember, hey, you may have another forty five minutes in that meeting, remember, hey, I had that experience, what the hell was that all about, and try to take the time to unpack it, because it will come back again. So for women who are working, especially women in corporate, I do feel like we so closely link our identity with our job titles and our responsibilities. How do we continue to evolve our identity as a leader but not be so wrapped up and consumed by it?

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah, the reality is we spend a lot of our time working. We get a lot of recognition, and it's a societal thing. As a society, when you meet somebody new, one of the first questions is, oh, so what do you do?

Erica: A hundred percent.

Dr. Benah Parker: And someone who doesn't have a quick three second, oh I'm a blank, answer, has to explain, and then they're rambling, and it's like, oh, you have your elevator pitch or whatever. So as a society, we are very focused on that as an identity. Part of my reminder to my clients is we get to choose how central we make that. You can answer the question with, this is what I do for pay, but what I love is this is what lights me up. I often tell people, if you're networking, don't go up and ask somebody what they do, ask them what they love, ask them what they enjoy, ask them who they are, because there are so many more interesting ways to get at who somebody is as opposed to their job title. Because half the time you go, oh, you're an accountant, okay, that can mean 17 different things.

Erica: Unless you're an astronaut, I don't know that I really want to know.

Dr. Benah Parker: I grew up in South Houston around NASA, and my elementary school PE teacher's husband was an astronaut, so I grew up around astronauts. That's great, and I know a lot of people that have cool jobs. Remind me of the question.

Erica: The question is for all those ambitious women who are so closely tied to their title, how do they continue to develop their identity as a leader while not going "guns blazing, that's all I am"?

Dr. Benah Parker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Part of that is simply that moment of awareness. This is that reclaiming step of, what are the pieces that I am also? Because none of us are just one thing. None of us are just an employee, none of us are just a mom or just a stepmom or just a daughter or just a friend or just a partner, none of us are "just." That reclaiming really is about, okay, you are this thing and you might be excellent at it, you might want to be better at it. There might be opportunities, you're one kind of leader and you want to be more influential, more emotionally aware, whatever. We can develop that as a leader as well. So much of that is recognizing that we're not just that one thing.

Dr. Benah Parker: I often say that we don't live to work, we work to live. So while we might be very proud of our work, we might have invested a ton of time getting this education, this experience, this title, all of those things are valuable, but we have value beyond what we produce. Our society rewards productivity, and one of the biggest lessons for myself, for my husband, for my clients, is this idea that we don't have to earn rest. Rest makes us more productive. Rest helps us be more insightful, a better leader, all of these things. Taking that step back, again, to that moment of awareness, to this moment of rest, that helps create a little bit of space of going, this isn't my most important identity. I mean, yes, I am a psychologist, yes, I am an executive coach, yes, I will geek out about these topics with my clients on a podcast, whatever, but my kids don't care about that. My parents want and need and expect different things from me, and I want to provide those things in different ways for different people.

Dr. Benah Parker: So to answer the question, as women become so tied to that identity and think, well, if I'm not this, then who am I, because that's a question coming for a lot of us. With AI coming, with all of the economic and various things happening, people are getting laid off, people are losing those titles and having that moment of going, oh my goodness, if I can't walk into a room and say I have this title or I'm this person, I don't know who I am anymore. And I honestly did have that moment of reckoning at a stage in my career where I was in between spaces, and I just went, I don't know who I am right now. That was a big moment for me of going, wait a second, I know who I am, I just have to figure out how do I answer that now, in these spaces where people want to know what my job is. And that's a totally different question than what's my job. You want to know what my job is? That's different than who I am.

Erica: A hundred percent. Oh my gosh. And Benah, if you're looking ahead, what do you see as the most critical shift or quality for leaders that we really need to get ready for to thrive over the next few years?

Dr. Benah Parker: I think it's humanity. I think it's recognizing in this moment that there are aspects of leadership that are performative, because there are people watching you, but that doesn't mean that performance has to be inauthentic. You can decide what parts of leadership are true for you. There are so many different types of leaders. If you were in a role or an industry where somebody says, okay, in this industry leaders look like this, you know, the tech bro model, okay, but there are women in technology too who are very creative, very successful, very innovative, and that's a different identity, and that's amazing.

Dr. Benah Parker: How do we as women step into those spaces and go, this might be what the textbooks say this leader is supposed to look like, but I can point to my successes, to these people I am leading, that I am connected with, and come back to being human? I'm not performing this role, I am showing up as a full leader, as a leader I want to be, as a leader my team needs, my company needs. And almost even modeling that for those other generations coming up, for those people we're bringing up behind us as we're creating the bench, it's letting them know, I do value you for who you are, this diversity of thought, this diversity of experience that you're bringing. I know diversity is a word on the chopping block these days, but the science proves that when you have diverse thoughts and diverse experiences, the bottom line is stronger, if we're talking to shareholders. It's about modeling that and valuing that in the benches we're building, showing people that being a leader isn't one thing. There are effective leaders who show up in all these different ways, and there's value in so many of them.

Erica: No, you can be any kind of leader you want to be, or not be a leader at all, that's fine too.

Dr. Benah Parker: Exactly. We don't all have to pick up that leadership mantle. Some people love that idea of, I need to get this title and be a leader because of the paycheck, and you go, but do you know what that job actually entails? Do you want to do all of these steps? Or is it just an ego thing? Let's build our ego a different way.

Erica: I'm going to tell you right now, for 99% of people, it's an ego thing. As an ex chief people officer, I can tell you right now, it's an ego thing. Because then they get in and they have no idea what the hell it actually is, which is really just holding other people accountable.

Dr. Benah Parker: And they go, oh, I'm in meetings all the time, and I'm like, no, you loved your job because you loved producing this thing. This was your moment of genius. This was your flow state. That next level of leadership, the title may feel nice, the paycheck may feel nice, but your job's going to be totally different, and you might hate it. So let's dial back on why you actually want this.

Erica: Oh my gosh, Benah, so many amazing insights all about identity and disconnecting ourselves from who we think we have to be so that we can get back in touch with who we are and radiate. I love those five steps you taught us. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your wisdom and your process. I think it's just really incredible, and I know everyone listening is going to love it. So thank you.

Dr. Benah Parker: Thank you so much. I've loved this conversation. It was a lot of fun.

Erica: Oh my gosh. If today's conversation lit a fire under you, here's your next move. Don't keep it to yourself. Share this episode with a friend, a colleague, drop a review. Y'all, let's keep this conversation going. Remember that your potential is limitless, and the only thing standing in your way are those sticky floors. So go out there, take up some space, and let's shatter those ceilings together.