Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have HER Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. HER Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, handling hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career and a life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside HER Collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Pamela: There's been a lot of juggling, a lot of sacrifice, and frankly, most of that was self sacrifice. And all of those moments in my career and moments in my family life really built on each other until one day I said, there has got to be more. I am tired. I am burned out. I am giving everybody everything.

Pamela: I have gutted myself out to fill myself back up with what my husband needs and my kids need and my work needs, and I didn't know who I was anymore. So all of those things piled up on top of each other, had a little minor meltdown one day all by myself in the shower, and I came out of it and I realized I am made for more than just serving other people.

Erica: Pamela Meadows is a VP. She's a mama.

Erica: She's a best selling author, confidence coach, and one of my favorite chief sisters. And she is also the Instagram reel queen, y'all. She drops the most relatable reels for any working woman out there. So you need to go follow her ASAP. But, Pamela, without further ado, thank you for being here.

Erica: How are you?

Pamela: I'm doing so well. Thank you so much for having me, Erica. I'm excited to be on your podcast. I've been listening to it for a while and you have exceptional guests.

Erica: Oh, well, you are just added to the list now, but we have been planning this for far too long, six months, y'all. So I'm glad we are finally able to connect and make it happen. But before we dive into all things sticky floors, I'd love to hear a little bit about you. What is your story?

Pamela: Yeah. I'd say we can go back to the beginning of time, but we'll be here for a very long time. So my story as it relates to my corporate journey is, I'm a mama of three first, like you said earlier, my kids are my main priority. And so, like so many women out there, I've made it through corporate America while trying to juggle staying married and raising three kids to be tolerable, contributing members of society, while trying to then build my career. It hasn't been an easy journey.

Pamela: There's been a lot of juggling, a lot of sacrifice, and frankly, most of that was self sacrifice. And all of those moments in my career and moments in my family life really built on each other until one day I said, whew, there has got to be more. I am tired. I am burned out. I am giving everybody everything. I have gutted myself out to fill myself back up with what my husband needs and my kids need and my work needs.

Pamela: And I didn't know who I was anymore. So all of those things piled up on top of each other. Had a little minor meltdown one day all by myself in the shower. And I came out of it and I realized I am made for more than just serving other people. And in that discovery, I worked on becoming a coach. I've gone through positive psychology training, mindset training, and that's what led me to wanting to help women who, like me and like so many other women, I know we get stuck in the roles and we're wearing the masks and we're juggling all of the balls and we don't know how to ask for help.

Pamela: We don't know how to set healthy boundaries and take care of ourselves. We burn out. And when we burn out, we don't have the chance to be the best mom, be the best wife, and make it to the seat at the table where we all should be sitting.

Erica: Oh my God. Well, first of all, that was my story. That is my story. Balancing all of the things. Number one, impressed that you just had a minor meltdown in the shower, because some women go full on burnout mode.

Erica: I have one guest call it acid rain and tornado.

Pamela: That's about right.

Erica: So a minor meltdown in the shower is pretty dang good, Pamela. But my first question that this really brings me to is, it's so easy to put work in first place. Like, that's an area I really struggle with, because it feels like it is always there. I have to pour myself into it, and it feels like the husband, the kids, myself, all go under that sometimes. So how do you stop that?

Pamela: Right. So a lot of self discovery. I feel the same way that you did. And I would say you probably do some of the same things that I was doing, which is I was always the bottom of the list. And if it got to my turn for something, I got put back to the bottom, because what was really important to me was to be seen as the best I can be at work.

Pamela: Right? To be seen as the mom who makes all of the snacks and does teacher appreciation week, like homemade Etsy style, Pinterest momming. The wife who is humble and accommodating and Proverbs 31 type woman. Like, I was trying to be the best for everybody else. Putting my career first and the people in my life first. And then when I did have my acid rain tornado hellfire moment in the shower, Erica, that's when I realized I had to do self discovery work, because I didn't know how to not want to show up for somebody else and to be the best version they needed me to be.

Pamela: I had been doing that for so many years. I really kind of lost track of who I was and what I needed and what filled my cup, because I was emptying myself out for everybody else. So if you want to move past the place of work is the biggest priority, and I'm trying to stack my family in there, and they're a priority too, and I never have time for myself, then what I would ask and recommend you do,

Pamela: and what I coach women on, is let's pause and let's do some self discovery. What does good look like for you? What does that feel like? Where do you wanna be in five years? Write it down.

Pamela: Who do you wanna be living with? What vacations do you wanna take? Where do you wanna go? What do you feel like when you wake up in the morning? What is your morning routine?

Pamela: Write it all out. And it might be a little tricky, because it's five years from now. But once you have that map, then what can you do today to start living like her, to get yourself one step closer? Because in five years, I don't wanna keep burning myself out at work. And I don't wanna only be here of service to my family.

Pamela: I want them to rise up and contribute in the same ways that I'm expected to contribute. So I would do the self discovery work. I would say, who do I wanna be in five years? Work with some of those exercises. When you get there, you realize where you need to start setting up boundaries.

Pamela: I don't need to be the person who cooks breakfast, lunch, dinner, and cleans all the dishes and does the laundry. I am married. And at this point in my life, I have teenage children. It is okay to delegate. It is okay to set boundaries up, and it's healthy and normal.

Pamela: And I had to learn that that was okay, by creating the future plan for myself, setting the boundaries, and then communicating clearly what my needs were.

Erica: Mhmm. I mean, it's just crazy, because I'm like, yes. Yes. This is me. This is me. So during your mini meltdown and your self discovery work for yourself, what sticky floors did you just unearth?

Erica: And how did you kind of work through that to get to this place where you're like, alright, this is what I'm gonna do?

Pamela: Yeah. First, I love sticky floors. I had never heard of that until I started listening to your podcast. And I think it's a really smart way to do some introspection. So for me, really confidence was a large issue.

Pamela: Right? I'm a people pleaser perfectionist by nature. Like, I am of the hustle culture mentality. You just keep going and going and everything has to be perfect and everybody in your life has to be happy and you delight them. That isn't sustainable.

Pamela: And also that isn't living my life. Right? That's living a life of service for other people. And there is a place for service, but it's not at the expense of breathing and doing things that I enjoy too. So really coming to a point of, why don't I feel confident?

Pamela: It's my mindset. It's this negative inner voice that I have constantly telling me you're not enough. My inner perfectionist, right? That's not good enough. No.

Pamela: No way. You have to work harder on that. Oh, if you say to your husband, I need help with the dishes, well, that's gonna upset him. And the balance of the marriage has changed. That's the people pleaser. So to really check in with myself and figure out, what are these voices telling me, or what can I learn from them?

Pamela: And thank you for being a perfectionist people pleaser. You've protected me a long time in my life. Right? So thank the negative, but I'm ready to move past it. You've served a purpose, and I'm done being a perfectionist people pleaser.

Pamela: So my sticky floors were how I saw myself. I also am a recovering bulimic anorexic. So I went through recovery programs through my late teens into my early twenties. I had the negative body image, or the negative voice for how I performed and how I showed up, and was I enough for people, the idea of not being enough. It's still something, through all of my self work, after all of my coaching, my own therapy, I still battle with not being enough.

Pamela: Do I look good enough? I'm getting older now. Am I showing up enough at work? Right? It's constant everyday work to keep showing up as your highest self.

Pamela: And I don't wanna ever think I've made it, because I think that's when everything would crash in on me. I have to keep working towards, I'm confident. I'm capable. I'm smart. I'm enough. And do the affirmations and have the stack of proof behind it, so I can believe it.

Erica: That's what I love to talk about with people, because I get asked a lot, are we ever truly free from these sticky floors? And my answer is no, never. Like you said, if you get lazy, they are not just sticky, but they are tricky, and they will show back up in different ways as you move through the different seasons of your life. So for me, also being a people pleaser and a perfectionist, that showed up in my life as a teenager as getting perfect grades and doing things that other people wanted me to do to fit in and be liked. And then that's something completely different today in my life as a mom, a corporate executive, all of the other things.

Erica: So it is so important to stay on top of those. So, you know, you talked about affirmations. You talked about doing the self work. Are there any other, I guess, actions that you could tell us, like journaling or something like that, that women can do to stay on top of these sticky floors?

Pamela: Yeah. Absolutely. So journaling is really key to kind of cracking open where you are, or where you feel like you're starting to get stuck again. Just exploring that and going deeper and giving yourself time, quiet time. Nobody else around you.

Pamela: Light your candle, play your music if you need to, but journaling is really important. One of the exercises I do with women that's really helpful, it's erase the lies. And so you could do this in your journal. You grab a pen and a pencil.

Pamela: And in pencil, you write the lie that your negative voice tells you. So, for example, I'm never going to find love. Maybe that's the lie that you're telling yourself. You wanna have a relationship, or getting married. I'm never going to find love.

Pamela: That's pencil. And in pen underneath it, write three to five things that counter that. I am worthy of love. I will find love when it's time. I love myself.

Pamela: I'm surrounded by people who love me. All of those things are true. What you would do is you would take a few days of reading the lie and the truth, the lie and the truth. And then on day four, you erase the lie, because you wrote it in pencil and it doesn't need to stay. And you keep reading the truth.

Pamela: I am loved. People who are around me love me. I am capable of meaningful relationships, whatever those truths are. That is rewiring your brain, so that when you have something in your upbringing, your first thought isn't I'm not lovable, I will never find love. It's I am loved.

Pamela: I am capable of finding those things. I already have people around me. It's just a way to retrain your brain, so the first thing that pops up isn't the negative thing. It's those truths that you've been working on.

Erica: Hey there, listeners. If you have ever felt like you're stuck in a place, held back by self doubt, perfectionism, or that pesky inner critic, you're not alone. We all face those sticky floors that keep us from reaching the heights we dream of. But guess what? It's time to shatter those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities.

Erica: My book, Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors, is your ultimate guide to smashing through barriers, overcoming limiting beliefs, and stepping into your full potential. This book has been endorsed by none other than the great Mel Robbins, best selling author and motivational powerhouse. It's also been featured in Success Magazine, so you know it's packed with insights that work. Inside, you'll find real life sticky floor stories, practical strategies to help you handle your own sticky floor moments, and a whole lot of inspiration to keep you climbing. This isn't just a book.

Erica: It's your roadmap to success, confidence, and freedom. Grab your copy of Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors today at www.ericaandersonrooney.com. Whether you're in the boardroom, the classroom, or just starting out, this book is for you, because no one, and I mean no one, deserves to stay stuck, no one deserves to feel small, and you have glass ceilings to shatter. Let's do this. What I love about this is that it sounds very, like, woo woo and fluffy.

Erica: So for all my people who are like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna write this in pencil and erase it. This is actually called cognitive bias modification. Like, it is a real thing. It is retraining your brain. And I think it's so interesting, because, I don't know, The Secret came out what, ten, fifteen years ago.

Erica: And that was very fluffy. Right? Just envision love and love will come to you, envision money and you'll find it everywhere. And, you know, I'm here for that. Don't get me wrong.

Erica: But at the same time, I was like, yeah. But then we started really diving into the neuroscience and the neuroplasticity and how you can actually train your brain. And so I think that is an amazing exercise. I'd never heard it before, but I absolutely love it. And, yes, listeners, it does sound woo woo, but it's science.

Pamela: It works. You did cognitive behavioral therapy. That's great.

Erica: And it works. Yeah. So one thing that I saw on your website that I was like, oh, that's golden too, and I wanted to dig in on, was you can't do the big things if you're distracted by the small things. So what is all that?

Pamela: Right. That shows up in so many ways in our lives. You can't do the big things at work if you are distracted by the small things, like, am I showing up enough today?

Pamela: Is the font on my presentation going to be acceptable? Right? Like, this perfectionism, people pleasing, the sticky floor that we get stuck on when we're deep in the am I enough-ness. If you were worried about those small things, if you are still getting coffee for everybody, but you are past that and they can get their own coffee, by the way, like, come on, it's twenty twenty three. But if you're past that part of your career, but you're still doing those little things because you've been relegated to that task in general. What I see, and again, this is science based too, data proves that women are more frequently asked in the workplace to go fetch the coffee or bring the snacks into a meeting, even if they're at an executive level, than their male counterparts are.

Pamela: And there are facts behind that. But those things, those trivial things that we sometimes get saddled with, order the breakfast cake for the office, those are the things that don't allow us to show up for the meaningful work. So it's important to say, for example, I'm sitting in boardroom meetings regularly. And about a year ago, I was one of two, there were two females, myself included, and all of the rest of the executives were men.

Pamela: And month after month, I was asked to take the meeting minutes. And I finally said, thank you for the opportunity, but this time I want to actively participate in this session and speak, and not just be worried about meeting minutes. Which of the men here are able to take the meeting minutes? And it kind of caught everybody off guard, and I don't believe there was any ill intent ever by that group of people I worked with. It was simply an unconscious bias.

Pamela: Well, everybody can do this. Right? So those small things at work that you get saddled with, they aren't the big things that propel you forward. They're not the initiative or the task that's going to get you the recognition to get that promotion, to get that raise. Focus on those things, delegate out what you can or share the responsibilities, because they're not exclusively yours as a female to hold, the ordering of the birthday cakes and the taking down of the meeting minutes.

Pamela: And at home, how can I show up in a meaningful way for my kids and play board games with them and build connection with them if I'm worried about the dishes and the laundry? So again, share those responsibilities, because it's the small things that we let ourselves get wrapped up in, in this effort to be perfect, do the right thing, have a role in the family or in the office, that hold us back in so many ways from the promotion or that connection we're looking for with our children. So pick the big stuff. Stop playing small. Those aren't the things that move the needle where you need it for your career and you need it for your family.

Erica: First of all, can I just say that I love that you presented note taking as an opportunity here? I think I would just imagine the looks on their faces, like, you're throwing this opportunity back at me? This bullshit, for lack of better words.

Pamela: Yeah. That bullshit stuff.

Erica: I'm just gonna have to use that next time, because that is real gold right there. And then of course, I've gotta ask this question, because the day we are recording this is Saint Patrick's Day, or as my four year old likes to call it, green day. You also had on there Lucky Girl Energy.

Erica: And I was like, oh, I don't know what that is, but I'm all about some Lucky Girl Energy. So tell me what that is.

Pamela: It's this amazing song. I'm gonna get her name wrong, of course. I'm sorry about that. But the song is, I don't chase, I attract. The universe has my back.

Pamela: So it's back to the woo woo idea. Yeah. I am showing up today asking for the things I want, claiming them for myself. I have Lucky Girl Energy because of what I'm putting out into the world. So yes to that Saint Patrick's Day theme here. I'm not one to say money comes to me easily. I would love that. It's just not my natural habit. It's not where I go when I go to that manifesting. But this idea of advocating and speaking up for yourself, staking claim on where you want to be in your relationship and at work,

Pamela: that's important. Because what I've learned is, not from a manifesting perspective, but rather, people can't read your mind, and closed mouths go hungry. So if you want to have an opportunity at work, if you want a different balance in your home, you have to be willing to communicate those needs. And if you don't, that mouth stays closed, you stay hungry. You don't actually get to that place you want. So, Lucky Girl Energy. I don't chase, I attract, the universe has my back, because I'm speaking out my needs and my requirements.

Erica: Oh, I love that. I love that. And let's also just hone in on that for anyone that has ever been told, oh, you're so lucky. It's not luck. Like, it is work.

Erica: Like, you are up, you are grinding, you are putting the hours in, you're making the reels. Like, people don't just come to you. So all of this attraction is also because of the work that is being put in.

Pamela: Mhmm. Totally. Yeah.

Erica: It drives me crazy.

Pamela: Yeah. I completely agree with you. I do try to look at it through two lenses. One is I feel lucky in the sense that I feel gratitude for all of the doors that have been opened and the opportunities that have flowed my way. But I also have recognition that I've kicked a lot of those doors down. And so have most of the women around me, and some of the men that I work with have done the same thing.

Pamela: So to your point, yes. Hard work, dedication. Success looks a lot like hard work dressed in overalls, I believe is a quote from Thomas Edison. It's so true. People look at you on a Friday like, oh, this person has it all together. It came so easy. No. It was grinding for a long time to get me there.

Erica: Oh my gosh. So, Pamela, one of the reasons I think why I just love talking with you and hanging out with you is because you are such a positive person. Like, you are always looking for the opportunity. Like, even just this conversation alone. What do you do when you're just having that kind of day where nothing is going your way and it is just an icky day?

Erica: What do you do?

Pamela: Oh, that's a great question. So the first thing that I've learned to do is feel the feelings. Don't push them down. Don't try and suppress them. Don't just do that toxic positivity, because that doesn't help you and it almost catches up to you in the end.

Pamela: Let yourself feel the feelings. So that might be like journaling out the situation. Or what I tend to do, especially if it's a work day, I'll put on some sad girl music. I'll feel sad for a few minutes, and then I'll put on, like, Andra Day, Rise Up, and then I'll put on some moving, kick booty kind of music, a confidence playlist that I have, because I need to blow through the emotions, experience them, feel the sadness, feel the funk of it all. And then remember your job is to rise up and to continue to show up for yourself and the commitments that you've made.

Pamela: And then moving on to that confidence playlist that has a lot of Demi and Lizzo and all those people on it, because the reminder is, yeah, I'm the boss and you're a boss and everybody has an opportunity to be a boss in their lives. So I'm gonna step into this moment and I'm gonna own it. But allowing myself to feel the feelings is super important, because once you push them down, it becomes a breeding ground for burnout and resentment.

Erica: Yes, it does. And I would love to just remind everybody, and I saw this on Instagram somewhere, that you do not have to stay stuck in those feelings of negativity. And, case in point, you can be having the worst day ever, but your best friend calls you to tell you that she got engaged or that she's pregnant or that she's moving to Hawaii. And she's got a free place for you to come visit.

Erica: And your mood is instantly turned around.

Pamela: Absolutely.

Erica: So remember that you don't have to stay stuck, but again, you can't control that someone's gonna call you with good news or tell you you got a raise, but you can take actions like putting on the Lizzo to get your own vibe right and get back into the groove. And I tell people, like, my favorite thing to do when I'm just feeling that, like, it's just gonna be one of those days and here we are, is to take a nap. Like, an honest to God, good nap. Because you can't wake up mad.

Pamela: For me, it's always, I'm very music oriented, so I will turn on the dancing type playlist, and I will stand up at my desk. And I'm hoping that the company doesn't actually use the video for anything nefarious, because I will probably have a dance party for two and a half minutes at my desk, because it feels so good to just move your body and shake it off. And sometimes that's what you have to do to get past that really crap email that just came through or the meeting that was a total disaster. Just shake it off, move your body, or take a nap, because you can't wake up mad.

Erica: I love that. And I'm just gonna say, this is something you do, because I do follow your Instagram reels, but laugh at yourself. Because, y'all, Pamela has an Instagram reel where she tried to do some sort of headstand or something. And she went all the way over.

Pamela: I fell so hard.

Erica: She didn't get up frustrated or like, oh my gosh. She was laughing her ass off and then posted it all over Instagram just to show everybody what she did.

Pamela: Absolutely. The message there was, it's okay to fail. Right? Like, I tried this little yoga thing and it was a humongous disaster, to say the least. And you know what? Just keep going.

Erica: It's all you can do. One of my fellow speakers always says you can't get good at something you don't start. So you can't nail that headstand if you've never tried. You can't get better at writing books if you've never started to write the book. You can't get better at public speaking if you don't try to speak.

Pamela: I love that. So to that point, and to what I was saying earlier around just taking action, right, speaking up for yourself, confidence comes from action. Clarity comes from action. Right? So if you wanna speak, if you wanna ask your husband to help, if you want that promotion and you don't feel like you have the confidence to do it, take those baby steps.

Pamela: You don't have to walk into the boss's office and say, I'd like to be a vice president. You can walk into the boss's office and say, I'm really looking to grow here. What are some initiatives that our company is working on? What are some goals you're working towards that I can pick up one of the tasks and contribute to in a meaningful way? That puts you in the line of visibility.

Pamela: It gives you access to tasks that you might not have had before. And by the way, when you knock it out of the park, because you will, because that's what you want for yourself, you now have a reason to go back and say, I'm ready for that next step. I'm ready for that promotion. So action equals clarity and confidence.

Erica: I love this clarity piece, because I have a girlfriend, and I talked about this in a different podcast, where every time I see her on Instagram, she's moving, she's doing a new job. She's trying something like farming. And I at first was like, what is going on here? And then a lot of people must have been giving her this question of, like, what is going on here? Didn't you just move?

Erica: Didn't you just do this? And she put it back out on Instagram that, like, I'm that kind of person that I'm gonna try it. If I feel called to do something, I'm going to try it. And if it's not for me after six months or a year, go try something else, because I feel a calling towards that. So I love the clarity piece, because so often I hear, I don't know what I want to do, or I don't know what actions I want to take.

Erica: Right? And that's fine if you don't know that exact path, but it's also really helpful to know the things you don't want to do. So if you are not sure about something, take action, get some clarity and try it, because if it doesn't work out for you or you don't like it, you don't have to keep doing it.

Pamela: Yeah. I totally agree with that. And we're complex beings, right? Like, I'll speak for myself. There's not one thing that I've done in my life where I thought, this is it forever.

Pamela: I love it the most out of everything. Right? No. I'm multi passionate. I am a vice president at a company.

Pamela: I live on 11 acres and I have a hobby farm. So I'm out there in the yard tending to goats and chickens. I have a coaching business. I've contributed to a number one best selling book. I am twenty twenty two's Quality Person of the Year for ASQ.

Pamela: Like, I have this list of accomplishments and none of them are the same, and that's because I don't wanna be bored. I wanna keep sampling. I wanna see the things that light me on fire, and I'm not just a one kind of road person. So put me on the highway with multiple lanes and let me drive around and find the things that really bring the joy and the passion up. And by the way, that's part of showing up authentically, with feeling confident, with creating boundaries, with being able to advocate for yourself.

Pamela: It's knowing the things that spark joy for you, and knowing the things that you are not willing to put on your to do list or on your radar or anywhere in the vicinity of something you're gonna do again. So getting clear on those things matters. And sometimes you go through that. I don't ever wanna own ducks again, because that was the messiest, grossest animal. Cutest baby, grossest animal. I don't ever wanna run payroll again, because every time I had to run payroll, the amount of stress, I think I had 16 heart attacks that whole couple years when I was doing payroll, because I was so scared I was gonna mess up somebody's paycheck.

Pamela: Like, do it. Do the things, take the action, know the things you don't like, know the things that set you on fire, and be multi passionate, because you are more than just one thing.

Erica: And what a great way to refill your cup when you are feeling burnt out. Because if all you are doing is pouring into work or keeping your farm up and running, the stress of that can just weigh on you. So what a great way to pause, go out, do something different, refill your cup and come back when you're rejuvenated and recharged. Yes, absolutely. So I wanna talk about, with all these things that you're doing, number one, I love it, because I love doing all the things.

Erica: Multi passionate, as you just said, which is amazing. How do you stop and celebrate all your wins?

Pamela: Oh, I love this question. I actually make sure that I do this with my work team as well. It's really important. We hustle from one thing to the next, from one goal to the next. So one of the things I do with goals or to dos is I consider the goal, like, you wanted to lose weight.

Pamela: Right? You wanna lose 15 pounds. Or you wanna become a vice president. That's the goal. That's the end destination. What are the milestones along the way that let you know that you're still on the right path?

Pamela: Because those are the moments to celebrate. So I would say if it's a big goal and you want to lose 15 pounds, every three pounds you are getting your nails done, or going on a date with your husband, going to dance at your favorite dance hall, whatever your thing is. Right? Same thing with work. Like, if you're on your way to that path, celebrate all those little wins.

Pamela: But every single week at the end of the week, I will write down, here's what I've accomplished. Here are my highs. Because a couple of things. One, if this is for work and you're required to do any kind of performance reviews, come performance review time, you are probably going to forget the year's worth of amazing things you've done. If you've recorded them for yourself, so you can pat yourself on the back, you have them so that you can translate those into your self assessment.

Pamela: And that's really important, because nobody's gonna advocate for your career growth, your promotion, and your raise the way that you will for yourself. So write down all of the great things that you're doing and then share them with your supervisor. Not in a way that I'm tooting my horn constantly, but as it comes up naturally. Share them like, this was a major accomplishment the team had. Here's the contribution that I made. Again, advocate for yourself.

Pamela: There's no one who's gonna have your back the way that you have your back. And if you happen to be a leader of people, it's your responsibility to teach them the same thing, and then to have them share their list with you so that you can pat them on the back and remind them of the great stuff they're doing. So when the day is really bad and you've had that call or a meeting you're just in a funk about, and you don't have time to take the nap or do the two and a half minute dance break, you can pull up your list and you can see all of the great things that you've been doing and all the progress you've made. One other thing I have my team do, I call it a smile file. And it's all of the accolades that they're getting, the kudos, the good words, the attaboys that come via Teams message or email or carrier pigeon.

Pamela: I have a physical box and a place in my inbox for it, so that when it's a down day, you can pull that up and you can remember that this customer said that they wouldn't have been able to pull this job off if it wasn't for your support. Or the boss said, hey, you showed up in a way that I haven't seen anybody else do before, thank you. Or your husband said, I don't know what we would do without you, you're the glue to the family. Keep those mementos, because when it's dark and it's down and it's an acid rain tornado, you have a full one.

Erica: I love it. I tell all my team too. I call it the kudos file. Make sure you have your kudos file on hand. But what a great way too, that if you are a person like you, like me, that struggles with the confidence, the people pleasing, the perfectionism, what a great way to combat that.

Erica: Because when you're having those moments of stickiness where you are not feeling like the best VP or the best mom or the best wife, and things are just going wrong left and right, you can actually stop and look at that.

Pamela: That's right.

Erica: I think that is a really great method to kinda remind yourself and keep you out of those sticky floors. Right? To keep you from getting into that really low place. So, Pamela, one of the questions I ask all of my guests is, if we had to go back in time to the Pamela that is burnt out, working sixty plus hours a week, putting everyone else and everything else above yourself, what is that one piece of advice you would give her today?

Pamela: One piece is so hard. So I'd say I would tell younger Pamela, at any age, you're already enough. Period. But if I was going back to the version of me that's constantly in hustle mode and just continuous motion, I would tell myself, you're building a cage willingly. It's gilded.

Pamela: It's golden. It's beautiful. Everybody says it's the prettiest cage, and you're doing such a great job with it. But every bar you put in, I'm gonna be this kind of wife. I have to show up this way for my kid's school.

Pamela: I have to show up this way for how I'm gonna volunteer in my community and serve at church. I have to show up this way for work. I'm just putting bars up all around me until all that I am is caged in society and other people's expectations of who I should be. So I would tell myself, do not erect those bars. Determine the life that you wanna live. Say no to the things that don't excite you and yes to the things that do.

Pamela: Be passionate, be courageous. You can only do that if you're willing to be uncaged.

Erica: I love that. That's beautiful. Well, Pamela, thank you so much. I absolutely loved our conversation today.

Pamela: Thank you, Erica. I loved it too. Thanks so much for making this happen.

Erica: Yes. Finally. Hey there. Before you dash off to the next episode, hold up one minute, because I've got a great freebie for you. You see, I've been on the hunt for the perfect planner, but nothing seemed to fit. The daily ones were too tedious, and the monthly ones were too long. So I created the perfect weekly success planner.

Erica: This is what I use every single week to stay focused on my goals and what's important in life. And I've got a copy linked in the show notes for you for free. So click in there today and make sure you grab your copy.