Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know I have HER Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. HER Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum.

Erica: We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, handling hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it. This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career and a life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside HER Collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com.

Erica: Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone. Today, I wanna talk about a topic that hits so close to home for so many of you listening today, myself included, and that's mom guilt. Now if you're anything like me, you know what it's like to be juggling all of the things, career, family, and this constant feeling like you're not doing either one of them justice. But here's the thing.

Erica: You're not alone, and there are ways to overcome this feeling and be the best version of yourself at work and at home. Now trust me. As someone who constantly felt that pressure of working like I don't have kids and being a mom like I don't have a job, I get it. I am right there with you. And if you leave this episode with nothing else, let it be solidarity, sister.

Erica: First of all, let's talk about the statistics. According to a survey by Bright Horizons, 87% of working moms felt guilty about their job's impact on their kids, and 50% feel guilty about the time spent away from their children. And it's not just about children. Moms also feel guilty about the relationships with their partners, their own self care, and the ability to balance work and home.

Erica: We often put all of our needs on the back burner so that we can do as much as possible for our partners, for our kids, which, ladies, you know, it leads to burnout. So why do we feel like this? Well, there's a lot of societal and cultural factors at play. As women, we are told that we have to, air quote, have it all. The successful career, a happy family, the perfect home, 2.5 kids, and a dog. But the reality is that is a lot of pressure to put on ourselves.

Erica: And unfortunately, there's still this stigma attached to working moms, as if we're somehow less committed to the job or less loving than maybe a stay at home mom. Now I know that y'all know that's some BS. I'm committed to my role as a leader, as an executive, and the CEO of my own business, and I'm committed to being the best parent that I can be. And I know that you are too. Even when you have those days when you just wanna say F it all, what that really shows you is that you do care, and that you care deeply.

Erica: It's important to remember that these societal constructs, they are not truths, and that we are doing the best we can with what we've got. Now the one thing I really wanna address, right, this elephant in the room here, y'all, why is it called mom guilt and not dad guilt? Well, I'ma tell you why. The truth is dads often don't feel the same level of guilt, because they're not held to the same standard as we are. Duh.

Erica: They're not expected to be the primary caregivers, the ones who always have to leave work early for a school function or to pick up a sick kid. They're not the ones who have to sacrifice their career goals for the sake of their family. We are. And while there are certainly exceptions, the majority of the burden still falls on women. Now that doesn't mean that we have to accept it.

Erica: We can challenge these expectations and make it work for us too, but it's not quite as simple as it sounds. And I wanna dig in here, because I personally feel the mom guilt and all the associated stressors. I feel the mental workload, and it only gets heavier as these kids get older, with all their activities and friends' birthday parties. And where I struggle is in this statement. I want to be the mom that does it all.

Erica: I want to be the primary parent, the one that the school calls when they get sick, the one that helps with the homework and carpool, and the one that tucks them into bed every single night. But what I have to realize is that I can always be that parent, and I don't always need to be that parent. Part of that is a process for me. It's a sticky floor that I am working through. Learning to let go just a little bit. Learning to ask for help.

Erica: Learning to also accept that help. That's hard. But what can we do about mom guilt? First, I want you to recognize that that is a normal feeling, but it doesn't have to control you.

Erica: You can shift the way that you think about it. Instead of feeling guilty, think about how your work is benefiting your family and setting an example for your children. When I get stuck sometimes on late night calls, or I have to log in on a weekend just to catch up on some work, I often talk to my kids who ask me why I'm working, and I talk to them about how this is a job that fulfills me. And I do believe that I am setting a good example for both my son, that women do work, and for my daughter, that women can work and be bosses.

Erica: Okay. When I'm feeling rather guilty about my husband taking them to bed at night, or when I'm just not available to do carpool that week, I'm working on shifting the way that I'm thinking. Instead of, I'm not there, I'm a bad mom, I try to shift that thought to, now they're getting to spend time with their dad, which is so important.

Erica: The other thing that I want you to do is an exercise with your partner, if you have one. And this exercise involves sitting down together with a piece of paper and listing out every single thing that has to be done in the home and with the kids. Not what you do, not what he or she does, but a list of everything that has to be done. Now my guess is that all of the roles and responsibilities just kind of naturally fell into play.

Erica: Right? You probably started taking over the kids. He probably started taking over the bills, maybe the yard work. It just kind of naturally fell that way. I want you to intentionally sit down and list out everything that has to be done for this house to function.

Erica: From paying the electricity bill to doing the laundry, write it all out. And then I want you to figure out a way to divvy up those responsibilities. I don't want this to turn into a competition of who does more. We all know it's you anyways. But when you list it all out and go through it, you might find that there is a reallocation of responsibility.

Erica: Maybe you shake it up a bit. This is an exercise that I recommend all family members do every season of life. Right? As your kid gets older and they can take on some of these responsibilities, like walking the dog or taking the garbage out, make them do it. But do this exercise in every season of your life to keep it equitable.

Erica: Then I also want you to figure out, what can you outsource? What can you streamline? If you have the privilege and the means, hire a cleaning service, have your groceries delivered. I've heard amazing stories about mother's helpers who are around with small kids, but also help with things like picking up around the house and their toys and cleaning up after arts and crafts projects. And then finally, I want you to remember, it's okay to ask for help.

Erica: Whether that's getting a babysitter, delegating tasks out at work, or leaning on your support system. I've said it once, my biggest parenting flex is having my mom live five minutes around the corner. It's okay to ask for help. And I want you to remember to be kind to yourself. Girl, you are doing the best that you can.

Erica: And that's all anyone can ask for. Give yourself the permission to let go of the perfectionism and focus on all of the things that are going right instead. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small they are. And remember, you're not alone in this journey. I am right there with you.

Erica: Now while I may not believe in mom guilt, and it's a sticky floor I'm working on getting out of, I am gonna guilt you on this one thing. If you haven't dropped me a five star review and you enjoyed this episode, please do so. I have a huge goal to get 105 star reviews by my one hundredth episode, which is just around the corner. It truly expands the reach of the podcast to land in the hands of the woman that needs to hear it most.