Erica: Hey, girl. By now, you know

Erica: I have Her Collective, my online community for ambitious women who are done doing it alone. Her Collective is for the women who are smart, capable, and driven, but they find themselves stuck on the sticky floors like self doubt, burnout, and waiting for permission that quite honestly never comes. Inside HER, you get more than motivation. You get real support, real strategies, and real momentum. We work on things like clarifying what you want now and what's coming next, building confidence without burning yourself out, navigating hard conversations, career moves, and leadership moments with clarity, and surrounding yourself with women who actually get it.

Erica: This isn't about hustling harder. It's about moving intentionally with the right tools and the right people in your corner. If you're ready to stop spinning, start choosing yourself, and build a career in life that actually feels aligned, I'd love to welcome you inside her collective. You can learn more and join us at www.joinhercollective.com. Because honestly, girl, you were never meant to do this alone.

Erica: Can you imagine a world in which you believed that anything was possible and there were no fears or glass ceilings holding you back? Imagine feeling totally confident and capable in who you are and what you're doing. Can you imagine what a better world that would be? That's my why, why I show up two times a week here on this podcast because like today's guest, I love helping other people do amazing and magnificent things. Sensi Graves is an entrepreneur, professional kiteboarder, and speaker dedicated to empowering women everywhere to believe in themselves.

Erica: So, Sensi, I am so thrilled to

Erica: have you on the show. How are you?

Sensi Graves: Thank you, Erica. I'm wonderful.

Erica: You are the only professional kiteboarder that I have had on this show, but

Sensi Graves: I know.

Erica: You are also the founder of Sensi Graves Swim. You're doing so much. Tell me, who is Sensi Graves, and how did we get here today?

Sensi Graves: The answer to who is Sensi Graves, I feel like it was a little bit complicated one simply because we're ever evolving, and I'm always looking to, expand. And, therefore, I don't like to define myself just by what I'm doing. Actually, One of my mentors has said, Sensi, you're a human being, not a human doing. And therefore, just saying the list of what I'm actually doing in the world, I think, takes away from a little bit of the I exist, and therefore, I'm worthy. But we're gonna get into all that type of mindset stuff as we go.

Sensi Graves: In a nutshell, as you said, I've spent the last decade traveling around the world competing as a pro athlete, a kite boarder, which for listeners that don't know, it's essentially like wakeboarding, but instead of a boat, you have a kite in the sky that's pulling you across the water, 20 meters of lines, a harness around your waist, and, it's you're at one with the elements. It's beautiful. Kiteboarding has given me everything. I started a swimwear company called Sensi Graves Swim because I was in the water every single day, and I wanted swimsuits that actually would stay put. And they were also beautiful and functional and fun to wear.

Sensi Graves: And it's given me my community. I put on women's kite camps and retreats. I live in a town that is a big wind sports community here, Hood River, Oregon. And my husband, I met through kiteboarding. So, I owe so much to this sport, and it's given my life so much.

Sensi Graves: But, the journey of where I am today has been a long one, which is a big book for us.

Erica: Yeah. I I love it, and it's so cool. And the one thing that, like, you had and I saw this while I was looking at your website, and it just stood out to me is you identify as a person that you called a not-enougher. And I have a feeling that that term rings so true for all of my listeners out there. Can you talk to me about that?

Sensi Graves: Yeah. I like to say that I'm a recovering not-enougher, which means during that time when I was traveling around the world, I'm actually no longer competing, but I still it's still very much part of my life. I'm still a sponsored athlete. But I was traveling the around the world to places like The Philippines and The UK and Brazil and competing. Looks really shiny on Instagram.

Sensi Graves: Also running my swimmer line, which is super badass. Right? Like, I have my own company and, you know, promoting women in water sports, all these really cool things. And so it looks successful on the outside, but on the inside, I was really dealing with feelings of I'm not good enough. I should be further along by now.

Sensi Graves: I don't believe in myself. You know? Like, I wanna make more money, but, how do I even do that? Or I feel like a fraud because the first six years of my company, I was waitressing on the side to make ends meet. And so all of these things added up into this feeling of not good enough, not being good enough.

Sensi Graves: And, what I've discovered and what is now my passion over the last decade of coming to terms with, woah. Actually, I don't even believe in myself. Like, I didn't even realize that I didn't believe in myself until I started diving into it. But just this idea that we're never gonna feel like we're good enough until we feel that way right where we're at today. It doesn't matter how much money you make or what level you get to or how many kite competitions you win.

Sensi Graves: I was letting the external validation determine how I felt about myself and my self worth.

Erica: I was just about to ask, how does this feeling of not being enough and not being worthy connect to people pleasing? Because I feel like there's a line there.

Sensi Graves: Yeah. Because you're not able to stand in this is what I believe in, and this is what my truth is without being affected by other people. Or, you know, I guess, for me, the people pleasing came through with my swimwear in the first couple years, it was bad. Like, our swimwear was bad. You know?

Sensi Graves: I didn't I didn't come from a manufacturing background or design background or business background. I had no idea what I was doing. So the first couple iterations in manufacturing were not great, and people would tell me that. They would say, oh, you could approve this, or this is what I'd love to see. Here's some feedback for you.

Sensi Graves: And I would get so overwhelmed by that because it I took it to mean that I was bad and that their feedback meant that, once again, I wasn't good enough. But because I wasn't in tune with, like, this is actually serving other people, and it's not about me, I took all of that feedback personally. I let it really affect me, and that need to get other people's approval, that people pleasing, really shook me to my core, my confidence to my core, and just like, oh my god. I'm trying so hard. What do you mean it's not good enough?

Sensi Graves: Which is not the way we do anything. You know, when we were born, we don't know how to start a beta into company. Like, a little toddler. Like, what you this is my first time. I've never done this before.

Sensi Graves: Why am I being so hard on myself?

Erica: Did you wanna quit?

Sensi Graves: Oh, so many times. So many times. So many times. I'm just even trying to think, like, how do I even explain the grit that was required to keep going? Because it was really coming from a place of grit.

Sensi Graves: It wasn't coming from this place of I'm doing good work in the world. It was coming from a place I have something to prove. And I need to keep going because I have this thing to prove rather than I feel good about myself, and I trust myself, and I know that I will get better with time and energy and effort, and I'm serving other people, which is how I feel about speaking now. I'm like, people need this. I'm serving other people.

Sensi Graves: So it doesn't actually matter if I look stupid or if hard things get in the way because it's important for me to overcome them. But with the swimsuit company, yeah, I wanted to put so many time, and it was simply just that grit that kept me going rather than this external draw of service, which I think is super important to start incorporating into the work that we do as humans. It's not about you, actually. It's about who you're serving.

Erica: Yeah. Well, what I find so interesting about that is because, number one, I feel the same way about so many things, and I'd I expect to be further along in all of my journeys. I expect not to struggle. I question, like, why am I not farther along? So what did you do to really, I guess, give yourself that patience, give yourself that permission to fail, but, like, keep showing up and keep failing and keep showing up again without giving up?

Sensi Graves: Yeah. So many tools because there's not one silver bullet. And this is what's worked for me, and I wanna share that with the audience because I think on this journey to believe in myself, it simply wasn't one moment thing or is this tipping point of accumulated actions that had led to this, like, before I didn't believe in myself, and then I did. So it's hard to say, like, what exactly right? Which sounds so frustrating.

Sensi Graves: You're like, what do you mean? Like, what am I supposed to do? But I will say a few things, a few tools that have really helped. One is owning my impact right where I'm at. Owning that I'm an inspiration right here, right now.

Sensi Graves: Because I I like to use the example of we're all climbing this ladder of life. We're all climbing higher, higher, higher. There's always gonna be goals. You're reaching for them. You're always climbing.

Sensi Graves: There are always going to be people above you, and there are always going to be people below you. And it's your job where you are at on the ladder to accept the hand of those people above you and say, thank you for your inspiration. Thank you for showing me how. Thank you for leading the way. But perhaps more importantly, it's also your job to lend a hand to those people below you and say, let me show you how I got here.

Sensi Graves: Let me help you because you're always gonna be ahead of some people. And so we're all constantly looking upward, and we're like, I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm sorry. But there's always gonna be people ahead of you.

Sensi Graves: And so if we can just say, oh, wow. Look at look where I'm at. I have so many people below me. Let me help those people below. You actually own your impact more, and it helps you step into your confidence.

Sensi Graves: It helps you take responsibility because you're like, I better level up. People are looking at me. And it helps you believe in yourself more because when you feel that you're worthy, you create more confidence and you believe in yourself more. So that was one one of the many, many, many tools I've started to incorporate. Right?

Erica: So I'm gonna give you a spoiler alert here, but, like, the last question I ask all of my guests is what is the one piece of advice you would give yourself from decades earlier? And the one response that I always get is that I wish I had known my worth. So that is such a big piece because I feel like so many people struggle with truly owning their worth, owning the impact that they have. Like, I work with women who are VPs, c level women, and they're still coming to me saying, I I wish I knew my worth. They're not even fully understanding the worth that they currently have.

Erica: It's almost like they can look backwards and see the worth that they had, but they're still struggling to own this, like, whole new level of impact that they are creating. What would you tell these women who struggle with that as a sticky floor knowing their worth? How can you step into that worth and that power?

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Sensi Graves: I'll I have to say that gave me chills when you said that. That just the fact that so many people say that I wish I knew my worth is so, it it's a bit devastating to me, honestly, because well, I struggle with that. Right? Like, I was like, I didn't know my worth at all. I was not proud of myself.

Sensi Graves: I didn't believe in myself. But we limit ourselves so much when we don't own that worth. And that's what to me is pulled to my heartstrings, and I just feel for everyone out there that is is struggling with that. And I still struggle with that. So not to say I'm perfect.

Sensi Graves: But what I will say is, number one, invest in yourself. That's the the actual the answer to the question I would give my younger self as well is the more resources you put into yourself, the more you feel empowered because you're like, okay. Look at these tools I learned, whether that is an SEO course or you you hire a coach. Whatever tools you're incorporating to invest in yourself, it helps you expand your skill set. And when you grow your skill set, you boost your confidence.

Sensi Graves: It also is a sign that you're worthy. When you put money into yourself, it's a sign to the universe, and it's a subconscious sign that you are worthy of that money. Because whether or not you whether or not you've put money into yourself before, when you show up and you say, okay. I'm worth whether it's a $100 or $10,000, that's just acknowledging, okay. Yeah.

Sensi Graves: I deserve this time and this energy, and I know that over time, I am the best investment that I can make. Like, I really believe that. I really believe that each of us is the best investment we can make because where else are you gonna put your money? It's not to

Erica: think too it really signals to you that even on this subconscious level that you might not realize that you do believe in yourself

Sensi Graves: when you Yes.

Erica: Like, you might not think like, I just spent a couple grand on a digital course. I hope my husband's not listening. But I just spent a couple grand on a digital course on how to make digital courses, and I did it because I'm I believe that one day I'll be able to do that. And this is kinda like buying the course is investing in myself. It's building the skills and the confidence and the ability.

Erica: So I I love that. I think that is a great tangible to do.

Sensi Graves: Yeah. And you could start small. I remember when I was scared to spend a $100 myself. You can start with just buying a book. You can start with just getting a gym membership because health is investing in yourself.

Sensi Graves: You know, mental health, spiritual health, physical health, all emotional health. Go to therapy with your partner. My partner and I do couples therapy. Right? It's like, what are the things that we can do, to help ourselves feel worthy and impactful?

Sensi Graves: And I know you know, and I don't even wanna say, like, the self care because I know there's a lot of kind of almost stigma around self care being not selfish, but just I think, it can be seen as like, oh, I don't have time to get massages or I don't have the resources to get massages. Okay. Fine. That's That's what we're talking about. We're talking about self care in a way that's like, I'm enough right now.

Sensi Graves: I don't actually need to go do anything to prove my worth, and that is how I'm gonna actually create impact in the world. Because when we actually believe that and acknowledged, and that's the second piece I would say is that we need to start acknowledging ourselves. There was a number of tools that I started incorporating to just say, oh, you're doing a good job, Sensi. You're doing enough. And, one is just celebrating my wins every single day.

Sensi Graves: At the end of every single day, I would write down what am I proud of for today, what's something awesome that happened, and what am I celebrating. And keep tracking of keep track keeping track of that stuff so that I can look at it when times are hard and be like, oh, wait. Nope. I'm doing a good job. And then also just that little pause throughout the day that's like, okay.

Sensi Graves: Look. No. We do have some positive things because we know through brain science that the more we get into the sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight response, the more stress hormones and cortisol and adrenaline are coursing through their our bodies, the less blood we actually have in the prefrontal cortex, the less creativity, and the less thinking power. And when you are constantly, like, I'm not good enough. I haven't done this.

Sensi Graves: Like, there's a fire alarm over here. It's hard to tap back into that parasympathetic, which is that rest digest and, calm state of being that helps us actually have impact, helps us actually be creative, do the work we wanna do, and keep going because you can't exist in that fight or flight forever.

Erica: And we

Sensi Graves: had chronic stress. It's a huge issue in this country right now.

Erica: Well, I love this, Sensi, because number one, I'm a science girl. So when you start talking about the brain and the blood flow, that got me pumped up. But it also really got me thinking that that is why I am so much more creative and productive at the beginning of the day versus the end of the day when I'm super stressed out and, like, the workday has just gone to shit and my kids are screaming. So I was like, dang. That does make sense.

Erica: And I love that because it gives you the permission, at least for me, to not try to force myself to be that productive at the end of the day when I am already stressed and I don't have the blood in the right part of my brain to do it.

Sensi Graves: Exactly. Yeah. And that's just it's just knowing those things too, which is brings me to my final point, which is know yourself. Socrates said to know thyself is the beginning of wisdom. And I think the last well, not the last thing, but one other additional thing that we could do is start knowing yourself.

Sensi Graves: Start knowing how to sell set yourself up for success. Do all the tests for for introspection. Do the Enneagram. Do Myers Briggs. Do, Gene Keys.

Sensi Graves: Do human design. Do everything that's like, how do I know Do journaling, do meditation, do anything that brings you closer to be able to, like, put your thoughts down on paper and look at them and learn your strengths and learn what your weaknesses are so that you can, once again, set yourself up for success, such as, like, oh, I work better in the morning. Great. Okay. Or I always get tired when I when I'm about to start my period.

Sensi Graves: So I'm gonna rest during that time because there's no point forcing it. It's just I'm sitting at my desk not getting any work done, so why am I still doing this? I might as well go read a book. Just things that, like, allow for that surrender into I don't have to keep doing to prove my worth.

Erica: I'd love that. I think that coupled with really knowing, number one, you've already touched on it, that you were enough right now, but then also recognizing and realizing that things are unfolding exactly as they should. And that requires you to trust. Right? Whether that is the universe or God or a higher power and also just trusting in yourself that, you know, like you said, you didn't you were brought into this world knowing how to create a swim line, but trusting that it's all gonna work out.

Erica: And I always have this visual that's really helped me, and I'll share it here just in case it helps anyone else who's kinda just trying to figure things out as we go, is I envision that I am standing in this circle of domino trains. You know, like, when you knock one down and it knocks another one down. And some people have these crazy elaborate ones, and I envision it, like, with every action that I take in my business, with my podcast, all of these things. Sometimes I'm only knocking down one domino. Sometimes it's five dominoes, and then sometimes it's 20 dominoes.

Erica: But one of these domino trains is gonna knock down, like, a million dominoes and just take me just on this crazy road to success that I can't even imagine right now because my brain can't fathom that. But it's just trusting that I'm just going around, and I'm like, clink, clink, clink, knocking down those dominoes. So it's it's really knowing yourself, trusting yourself, recognizing that you are enough, and just realizing that things are unfolding exactly as they should.

Sensi Graves: I love that so much. I actually spoke this past weekend at a women's outdoor event, and I spoke about trust. I I spoke about owning your impact, but one of that key those key components was trusting where you're at, which sounds so annoying. You know? Like, it's like Right.

Sensi Graves: Trust the process. That's what you see on a Etsy mug.

Erica: Right. And

Sensi Graves: it's so annoying because you're like, but I I wanna be further along. Don't tell me to trust the process. And at the same time, when we can acknowledge that we're always gonna have goals, and goals are great, humans need goals, but it's only when we can create that trust in what we're doing that allows us to, once again, get back into the parasympathetic, actually have the impact we wanna create, and we have more energy and more enthusiasm. Because if you knew that it was inevitable that you would reach your goals, you'd be like, okay. It's coming.

Sensi Graves: It's coming to me. I can show up, and I know that this energy and effort enthusiasm is gonna lead me somewhere. And the example I like to use and like to share is a really easy one, which is playing the piano, something that I've started doing lately. I'm bad. I'm really bad at playing the piano.

Sensi Graves: I'm not good. I I don't care. I don't care at all that I'm bad because I know without a shadow of a doubt. I'm like, I know in my heart and my soul that if I keep playing, I'm gonna get better. It's so obvious to me.

Sensi Graves: Right? We can think about that. We're like, yeah. Of course. If you keep playing, you're gonna get better.

Sensi Graves: Duh. And if we use that same mindset of, oh, if I keep working on my swim company or I keep doing speaking or if I keep going after these things that I wanna improve at, and I trust that with energy and enthusiasm and effort and time, I'm going to improve, and it's inevitable that I'll reach my goal. Wow. We have more fun. We show up more for ourselves, and we can relax.

Sensi Graves: And that creates that a way more positive experience, not only for ourselves, but the ripple effect we're able to have in the world. Because we're like, I'm already enough. I'm doing a great job. And I wanted to learn lacrosse, so I'm gonna do that. Let's go.

Sensi Graves: I'm gonna get better. I might be terrible. I probably will be terrible. I've never done it before, but I can improve.

Erica: Well, that that really leads me to my next question when I was thinking about what do I wanna ask Sensi today. And one of those questions was, how do we move from this fear based thinking to really believing in ourselves? And I will give you a perfect example, and it goes right along with everything you're talking about. But I always thought it would be really cool to learn Spanish. But I don't know anyone.

Erica: I'm sure that's a lie. I'm sure I do know somebody. I'm sure I have plenty listeners telling me that, no. You know me, and I speak Spanish. But I'm always like, well, I can't let anybody know I speak Spanish because I'm terrible at it.

Erica: Of course, I'm terrible at it. I was never taught Spanish. I took stupid Latin in high school. But, yeah, I still have this, like, fear based thinking of, like, oh my god. What are people gonna think of me?

Erica: I'm terrible at Spanish. How do we move past that so that we believe in ourselves?

Sensi Graves: I love this question. Firstly, I would say it's just noticing the thoughts that come up. What are you telling yourself around this? Let's take the Spanish example. You're telling yourself, what are people gonna think?

Sensi Graves: The thought is, I don't know. I could be judged, and that's valid. Right? Fear is a valid human emotion. It's totally okay to feel fear, but there are two types of fear, and the Hebrew Bible talks about this.

Sensi Graves: There's Pashad and there's Yira. And Pashad is the type of fear that holds you back. It's like the fear of judgment, the fear of, not being good enough, the fear that is supposedly keeping us safe, but it keeps us in a comfort zone. And then there's Yira, which is the fear of expanding into a space that we're we're not used to or playing big. It's like, yeah.

Sensi Graves: We wanna speak on big stages, both you and I, but you get nervous about that. Right? Like, that's fear inducing. You're like, oh, but that's Yira. That's the type of expansive fear.

Sensi Graves: And so we can look at these things and we say, okay. Am I experiencing Bashar or am I experiencing Yira? And first naming the fear, articulate it, allows us to move through it, looking at it, and then we can say, is this something that I wanna believe? Is this bringing me closer to the person that I wanna become or further away? Can I look at this fear and say, is this a rational fear?

Sensi Graves: Is this or is this? Okay. This looks like to me because this is holding me back. Like, who cares? Does it really matter if people judge me about being bad at Spanish?

Sensi Graves: No. But this is the story I'm telling myself. So we have to say, okay. This story is not serving me, and you can actually change the thoughts you're thinking. You could think people are gonna judge me because I'm bad at Spanish, or you could think I'm gonna inspire people because I suck at Spanish.

Sensi Graves: I'm gonna do it anyway. And so we have to look at the thoughts that we're actually thinking and notice what kind of fear is this? Is this bringing me closer or further away from who I wanna become? And then can I start to just write down those thoughts that come up and look at them and say, do I have to believe this? What are the new thoughts that I wanna think?

Sensi Graves: Because we think 60,000 thoughts a day, and something like 90% of them are the same thoughts as the day before. And so we go through life just thinking the same things over and over again, whether that's I'm not good enough, I don't believe in myself, I'm not proud of myself. And we have to first notice what are these things that we're thinking and then shift them. So, you know, I would I used to think, oh, I'm not good enough. I don't tell myself that anymore.

Sensi Graves: I don't think that thought. If I do catch myself thinking, I'm like, I am good enough. I am good enough. And it's not that, I'm telling myself lies because I've learned and I've trained myself to believe that, but it's just looking at, is this thought serving me or not? And can I shift it in a little bit of a way that helps me do this thing?

Sensi Graves: If I actually wanna learn to speak Spanish, how can I expand the thought, hold it a little bit more loosely, and do the thing anyway? Yeah. Does that resonate?

Erica: It does. And this is where I would, like, love to give my plug for everyone needs a good therapist because when I give you this example of Spanish, I will paint a picture for you. I downloaded, like, Babbel and Duolingo on my phone. I will literally not do it when anyone is around me. Not my husband.

Erica: I'll do it with my kids because my kids don't care about anything. You know? But, like, I'm like, oh, I gotta do this in secret. I've gotta secretly learn this thing. And that is such when I say all this to you out loud, such a stupid thing.

Erica: Right? To really let this irrational fear

Sensi Graves: Mhmm.

Erica: Have myself hiding in a closet to do my four day streak with Babble and Duolingo. It's it's dumb. As I say it, I know it's dumb. But somewhere way back in my past because it's not always about Duolingo, I had those same feelings when I wanted to start a podcast.

Erica: I had those same feelings when I wanted to break out in the keynote speaking. Like, it's this worry and this fear based thinking, and you gotta go way back to, like, dig deep and get dirty and get in the muck to understand why do I always go to this fear based thinking when it's not rational. You know? And so, again, that's just my therapy plug.

Sensi Graves: Yeah. I mean, that is like I said, to know thyself is the beginning of wisdom. You really need to start unpacking and understanding. Yeah. Why am I thinking of this?

Sensi Graves: Okay. This is clearly not serving me. I don't wanna keep doing Spanish in the closet. I do wanna start a podcast. I do wanna be a speaker, and I'm really scared about it.

Sensi Graves: And that is okay. And, yeah, let's dig into the bottom of why those feelings are showing up. But also just acknowledging that fear is gonna come up anytime you do something new because that's your comfort zone. That's expanding out of your comfort zone. And like I said, the two types of fear, one fear is going to lead you closer to that person you wanna become.

Sensi Graves: Speaking on big stages, that's scary. And at the same time, we know it's where we wanna go, and so we're willing to, like, okay. I can do it. Like, pump myself up. Let's go.

Sensi Graves: What are all the tools I can incorporate? Because I believe in this thing I'm doing so much that the fear just falls away. And being able to look at the fear of like, is this actually fear that's keeping me safe, or is this fear that's keeping me stuck? And being okay. Like, you're okay to have fear in your body, and you can still do the thing anyway.

Sensi Graves: And I will bring it back around to this is what I do with my clients all the time. Like, why do you wanna do it? What's at the really core of why you wanna do it? Because when we get clear on our why, and not just like the surface level why, you actually have to dig a little bit deeper, asking a series of, like, the why behind the why. What's really at the core?

Sensi Graves: Because it should be something that tugs on your heartstrings because we'll always do more for other people than we'll do for ourselves. And when we show up in service and we say this is important work, it'll help you navigate the fear and the hard times because you're like, okay. Doesn't matter if I fall down on the stage because I know my why. I have it posted right here by my desk, so I can look at it and be like, okay. It's important that it keeps showing up even when I feel like I suck, even when I feel like I should be further along right now, even when I feel like I don't wanna quit I don't wanna keep going.

Sensi Graves: Why am I doing this? Okay. That's why. It's important work.

Erica: So I I hear you talking about inspired action. But for anyone who is listening, what is that, and how can we find more of it?

Sensi Graves: Inspired action is not just doing something because you think you should, but doing it because you feel called to do it. Having the the goal, let's say, it is to start a podcast. Holding that space, coming into the why, being like, why do I actually wanna do this? Okay. Who am I serving with this?

Sensi Graves: What's the real root of the reason? And then what are all the actions I actually need to take to get there? So looking at things in what's gonna be your impact through the action and allowing yourself the space to try things. So not being so rigid, I think, in the I have to do this and then this and then this, but allowing for, like, what's coming through and how can I be open to setting the goal, committing to the do the work, but also knowing that the goal could shift? I could never reach the goal.

Sensi Graves: Honestly, we can do all the manifesting in the world, and the goal could just not happen. That's just how it works. But being committed to your impact. And I love, one of my mentors says high intention, low attachment. So having high intention with what you're doing, but low attachment to the outcome because all you can control is the energy and enthusiasm that you show up with.

Sensi Graves: The work all you can control is your effort. So when we talk about inspired actions, talking about the intention with which I show up in the tasks I'm going to do and not just doing them necessarily to get to the end goal? Yeah. Of course. Once again, humans have goals.

Sensi Graves: Goals are great. We love goals. And, also, how am I showing up right here right now, and what am I bringing to those people around me, whether it's through the podcast where it's walking down the street or just in my work environment?

Erica: I think that low attachment piece is so huge because as humans, we love a tangible object, you know, or this tangible goal of I will be successful when, and I will be able to do this when, but it's not always that. And when I go back to my core values and my why, like, my why is to help people, and it's always run through everything I wanted to do. I was a personal trainer for so many years. Why? Because I loved helping people.

Sensi Graves: Mhmm.

Erica: And when I transitioned into HR, why? Because I loved helping people. Like, that it shifted. Right? Like, what I was actually doing shifted.

Erica: I was helping people in their health and wellness goals, then I was helping people with their career goals, but that helping people stayed the same. And I could have just been married to this idea of, like, nope. It's gotta be in the personal training world. That's the only way I can help people. And now it's even morphing bigger with getting on the stages and talking to other people and sharing my story and all of that.

Erica: It's still to help people, but it's not through health and wellness. It's not through their careers. Now through totally different avenues. So I love that high intention, low attachment.

Sensi Graves: Yeah. I love that as well. And I try and practice that as often as I remember. It's kind of a constant mantra, but it's just like, yeah. The only thing we can control is how we're showing up, our effort, our energy.

Sensi Graves: And I have three sticky notes that are on my wall over here that are joy, confidence, and stoke. And those refer to my touchstone words, another thing that I do with my clients, which is how when I'm showing up at my best, am I showing up? I'm showing up with joy. I'm showing up with confidence. I'm showing up with stoke or enthusiasm.

Sensi Graves: And so that is my intention. Like, with with the work I'm doing and when I'm what am I bringing with me into a room? Like, the yes. Let's go. Okay.

Sensi Graves: If we if we don't meet our goal, yep. That's hard, and we'll deal with that. But that's okay because I know that I'm bringing these three qualities with me when I'm showing up at my best.

Erica: Yeah. And did I show up the way I wanted to show up? I think that's huge.

Sensi Graves: Mhmm.

Erica: So you have a phenomenal course out there. It's called the believe in yourself course. Can you tell me what is that about? How can people take that? Because just hearing you speak today, like, I'm ready to take some inspired action to go take this damn course.

Erica: So tell me about it.

Sensi Graves: Yes. Oh, the believe in yourself course. I love it. I just love this work, and I think it's so important. So it is a follow along course, self paced.

Sensi Graves: It's a $111, so it's really achievable for people. It's the first step in, like, how do I even take action to believe in myself? I'm tired of being where I'm at. It's action packed with tangible tools. I really believe in tangible tools.

Sensi Graves: So this course is for people that are like, okay. I'm tired of doing this, and I'm ready to try something new. And it's about that signal to the universe that you're investing in yourself, but we go through all this kind of stuff. Like, what's my why? What are my touchstone words?

Sensi Graves: We talk about morning routines. Like, how am I taking care of myself so that I'm showing up with impact and influence? How do we be okay with failure? We talk a lot about failure. We talk about what's gonna get in the way.

Sensi Graves: So what are the things that are gonna deteriorate your belief in yourself? We talk about how to create an evidence log, which is how am I creating something that is a for me, my evidence log is a folder on my phone, oh, labeled wins, where I take screenshots of nice things people say about me. So anytime anyone leaves a comment on my Instagram or sends me a nice email, I take screenshots of it so that when I am feeling either like I need a boost or when things get really hard, I'm like, wait. Once again, I'm doing a good job. Okay.

Sensi Graves: I can keep showing up because, look, I got all seven, and so I'm doing a great job. And so it's so much action, and there's so much value in that course, but it's really the first stepping stone for I'm tired of not believing in myself, and I wanna shift that.

Erica: I love that. I love the idea too of the evidence log. I have I call it my kudos file. But I also have something that someone sent me one time, and it's called the fuck yeah journal. Thank you, man.

Sensi Graves: I love it.

Erica: It's literally you can get it on Amazon. It is a journal where you just go in and you log the things that, fuck, yeah. I did that today. Right? And it's it could be big.

Erica: It could be small. And I think that's so important because real success is not this big moment. It's all of those tiny little wins that add up. And I think, especially as women, we get so focused on that one small thing that didn't go our way or the one piece of feedback that we didn't love and we realize, oh, I could've showed up better. And we focus so much on that.

Erica: We don't see all of the other things that we did in the day that were amazing. We only see that one small thing. So I love this idea of the evidence log, the kudos file, the fuck yeah journal, whatever. Whatever gets you going, ladies.

Sensi Graves: It's true. I mean, and it's also acknowledging that as humans, we have a negativity bias. We have a bias towards once again, back to the brain science, looking for the alarm, looking for, scanning environment and looking for either danger or the, the thing that is that we need to pay attention to, which is not the positive. And that's why when you get 10,000 positive book reviews and one negative one, you're devastated by the one negative one. That's actually not negativity bias, but, you're still you you associate with that one much more so than the the positives.

Sensi Graves: And so you but when you think about it, you're like, does that actually help me show up? If I get stuck in the people telling me I suck or I'm not good enough mindset, am I going to be able to show up with enthusiasm? No. Flat out, no. So how can I really set myself up for success?

Sensi Graves: Okay. I need to acknowledge myself. I need to reward myself. I will say something else too, which is lower your marker of success. Why is your marker of success when you hit like, for me, the past six years of my swim company, I always had this revenue goal.

Sensi Graves: We never even hit it. We never hit it for six years. Every year, I'd set this revenue goal. And I'll guess the other year, I'd be like, I suck. I'm terrible.

Sensi Graves: I should quit. This is awful. And I'd be like, man, I'm determining my entire self worth by this number on my p and l. That does not define me. How can I lower my marker of success so that I feel confident and I feel great and I can show up with impact, and then we'll get to the revenue number?

Sensi Graves: And so my new marker of success is, did I show up and did I try? If I did that, then I'm like, great. Now I'm a success. I don't need to hit the yeah. We wanna have the goals once again, and it's important to hold space for that.

Sensi Graves: But it's never back to what I said at the beginning, it's never gonna be enough unless you can acknowledge that you're enough right now.

Erica: I love that. That's got my brain ping ponging in so many different ways just on, like, how I can apply that in my own life. Right? And I think sometimes it is important to not have such a tangible thing. Right?

Erica: Like you said, a revenue number. You're basing your marker on success more on this feeling of did I show up and give my best. Right? You can't gauge that. There's no nobody external from you can gauge that.

Erica: Only you can gauge that is what I'm saying. So instead of saying, like, I'm going to do this every single day and da da da, maybe change what that goal looks like and

Sensi Graves: do it

Erica: based off emotion and feeling and, like, am I showing up as my best self today? And if you're not, what do you need to do differently?

Sensi Graves: Exactly. Yeah. And if you're not, can we also be okay with that? Because we have seasons of life. I can't go a 100% all the time, and, actually, it's not healthy too, and that's okay.

Sensi Graves: And if I'm, once again, not feeling it, what is my best as you alluded to? What is does your best look like for that day? And if you're not feeling it, what can you do?

Erica: Absolutely. Absolutely. Alright. Well, I already told you I was gonna ask you this question. What would that piece of advice be that you give yourself today knowing everything that you have learned from being that not-enougher to today?

Sensi Graves: It would definitely be the invest in yourself piece. And I know I already said that, so I'll I'll leave us with something else as well. But anyone starting out listening to this, whether you are just out of college or many, many years into your career, investing yourself right where you're at. I really believe in that, and that's what I would want my younger self to know. Like, spend money on you.

Sensi Graves: And then, also, it would be you're the only one that can feel proud of you. It would be coming into that, what's gonna make you proud of you and doing doing all the things that will align with that, whether that's journaling or, doing the meditations. You know, just kinda sitting with, like, okay. Am I proud of myself? And if not because it took me a long time to feel proud of myself.

Sensi Graves: And it wasn't, I actually didn't even know. I didn't even know I wasn't proud of myself until I was in a situation where I was like, oh, wow. I'm really proud of myself, and I've never let myself feel that way before. And so looking at, am I proud of myself? What's going to make me proud of me?

Sensi Graves: Because once again, we look to external factors a lot, and, we need to detach from both praise and criticism. We can't be doing things because we're gonna get a ton of likes on Instagram, and we also can't be doing things, because we're afraid of the feedback. So it's unhooking from both praise and criticism and doing things that will help you be like, yep. I'm proud of you. Great job.

Erica: I love that. That is perfect. So, Sensi, if people wanna check out your swimwear, if they want to get you on their stage, where can people find you?

Sensi Graves: SensiGravesSwim.com. Also, SensiGraves.com. And then both Sensi Swim and Sensi Graves on Instagram. That's the social media platform of choice.

Erica: Fabulous. And I will link it all in the show notes, but thank you so much, Sensi. I appreciate your time. It was such a great conversation.

Sensi Graves: Thank you.

Erica: I hope that today's message from Sensi inspires you to, in her words, do cool shit. Remember, you are enough. Remember that you are right where you are meant to be, and remember to stop putting a ceiling on what is possible and start breaking through them. Oh, one more thing. If you have not signed up for my email list yet, y'all need to do that because I have some seriously cool shit, incensey's words, that is about to drop, but only for those people on my email list.

Erica: So make sure that you have signed up and that you are getting those weekly emails. But until then, I will catch you here next time.